Only one sibling has looked after them for 7 years. After mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and was unable to manage by herself at home it was agreed that she would sell her small house and move in with one of her 5 daughters.Some of the money from the sale of her house has been used to buy daycare which is now up to 3 days a week.The other 4 daughters are unable or unwilling to to share in the care of mum and make a few visits each per year but at the home home of the sister and her husband where they care for mum and in latter times this is more of a hinderance than a help.Should all siblings have an equal share of any money that MAY be left?
My mother was upset that my brothers did not pay attention to her and talked to me about leaving everything to me. My self-centered side thought it was a good idea, but I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. If anything is left of her estate, it will be divided equally four ways, except the house, which goes to me. I told her I did not want her to change the will because she would be doing it out of anger. I didn't want her last words to her sons to be words of anger.
There was another big thing to consider. Most of the money in the estate was earned by my father, who would have probably preferred to have things shared equally among his children. If there is any money left, it doesn't mean enough to me to hurt my siblings.
I agree that it will be highly unlikely that there will be anything left to divide, as long term care (LTC) is very expensive.
I just think OP is putting the cart before the horse, and listening to other people who are only speaking out of loyalty to their friend will just stir up animosity. I got from this post that this arrangement has gone on for several years, and who really knows how many years are ahead?
What is fair, in my mind, if for the parent receiving care to pay for it as it happens, with a monthly amount for room and board and/or care. Few parents can afford to actual fair market value of their care, but paying what they can helps may distributing anything that is left equally more fair.
I hear what you are saying about the fairness issue, but if she is not of sound mind to change her will, then what the Will says is the final word. Do your siblings know what is in the Will? Who gets to execute the Will? If she is of sound enough mind to make some changes from her own free will, then I would not show them the current will. I think that your sisters could pay for their own hotel room. I pay for mine when I go to visit my dad who is in another state and 7-8 hour drive away.
Money comes between *more* siblings than you would ever believe. Your friends have given their opinion based on facts as they know them, but like you said, Mum has Alzheimer's and may not be of "sound mind" necessary to alter her will.
Maybe Mum could pay for a hotel room when the sisters come to visit?