Assisting dad with wiping his bottom after a bowel movement. He is no longer doing the job. He is leaving residual over toilet seat, his bottom and even on the floor at times. Us, daughters, need help in overcoming the embarrassing situation with him. Our husbands help with his showers. Our husbands are not always home to help during the day. Any suggestions?
I appreciate that you have the additional gender difficulty to cope with. All the same, I would suggest that your first hurdle is overcoming the embarrassment. The less embarrassed you can manage to be (even if you deserve an Oscar), the less painful it will be for your father.
I would recommend accompanying your father - in a low key way - to the bathroom and making sure that everything he needs is within easy reach. If you can, check that his clothing isn't going to hamper operations too. Then, if you can persuade him to do this, in a cheerful and matter-of-fact way, see if you can get his agreement to call you at the "paperwork" stage so that you can help if he needs it. A small towel over his lap will spare his and your blushes - it is important to preserve dignity as far as humanly possible.
Has there been a change in bowel habit, by the way? (Should have asked this first, really)
The only other thing I can suggest is getting in a trained caregiver, perhaps on a temporary basis, and watching how it's done.
My dad was very private too. I too am easily embarrassed. But since I took on the responsibility to be my dad's primary caregiver, I tried to respect my dad's privacy as much as possible. And treated him like I would a nursing aid, when helping him with his showers or wiping his bottom, I would wear disposable gloves. I would try to maintain eye contact with him. We had a bath stool in the tub. When he sat down, I would pull the curtain and let him do as much as he could. I would just get on with doing the rest. I find having disposable wipes easier as well. If my dad was really uncomfortable with me tending to him, I would have tried to have home care come in and assist us. I think about my mom and dad having to wipe all our bottoms as children. I would just carry on and do what I could to ensure his comfort. I know its not easy. Maybe even just ask him, how he thinks it should be handled.