Desperate situation. I have three siblings, two of whom don't work, and none who do anything to help. They won't even take her out to lunch. My mother, who has end stage ms, asked my elder sister if she would wash her hair and my sister refused. She did it in a sneaky way by texting me that mom had emailed her re her hair and that I should wash it, insinuating clearly that i had dropped the ball. The final straw came yesterday, and I am so totally sickened by this that I can't even think straight. I have the flu, it started yesterday, and while I've had to endure my fathers abuse for iypt, I was just getting done what I could . My mother had diahhrea yesterday and dad took her back to bed. Today my skin is itchy and I have a fever of 101. But yesterday, my sister told me that she thinks I gave my mother laxatives in order to "back up" my "story" about being sick. I am now not just faking my illness according to her, I would also harm my mother. I can't even find a word or words to describe how disgusting she is for even thinking that, let alone saying it out loud. Please, please, does anyone know how to deal with someone like this? By the way, the family knows my temp is 101 today and not one has offered to come help even though I am certain I am contagious. I am at a loss and know that when I feel physically better I am going to have quite a bit of anger. Any advice please, this crushed me. I don't really care that she called me a faker (she is47 years old if you can believe that) because I am used to her low pathetic blows. But this latest sickens me. When I told my elderly father what shed said he did not say a word in my defense. If somebody has dealt with a family this lazy and overtly evil please I am desperate for advice. Thank you.
I do not like to opine on family matters because their are always various sides and complications often decades of history, but nodoubt you siblings need to help.
When you are fully recovered and sibs give you sh--, respond, well I was sick with flu and didn't want to give it to mom and dad, everyone knows it is serious in the elderly.
Tell them this was a wake up call and they need to step up and help or arrange for outside care for mom and dad.
Same for you, divorce the family. Stop defending your actions, stop taking their calls. If they want to find updates on mom and dad, tell them to come visit mom and dad.
Set boundaries with mom and dad and tell them they need to arrange for some assistance via senior center, STAYING PUT, Retired senior volunteer persons (RSVP ) or other organization and then stick to it. Tell parents you will visit tues and sat or whatever and that's it.
If you live with them, move out. Get a job, a roommate, rent a room, whatever. But stop enabling these leeches. Time for sibs to step up and help mom and dad.
I wrote sister an email and told her that if she could do a better job than I please have at it. She never wrote back and so far she has left things alone. We shall see. Mother's health is only going to get worst and I'm very afraid. Join a support group they can give you some great advise on where and who you can call if you need more help. This can also help if you need to see your own doctor. Your siblings aren't going to help you and this might be a blessing.
Remember to take care of you first
I hear your desperation! You need to figure out how to make you number 1 in your life..
When sister tried turning the hair washing on you, your response should have been "she asked you" and it's time you help out!! "They are your parents too"!!
Good luck and hope the flu goes away quickly...
And if your dad won't support you either, then you have to decide how much you're willing to do for your parents. Why did your mom email your sister about her hair and not just ask you? Does she think you're overworked? Or does she stir the pot between you and your siblings too? Give us more of the back story so we know more. But bottom line, you need to protect yourself and quit looking to siblings for help or support. Trust me, I know.