We took mom in our house back in March of 2019. She has vascular dementia. We took her in because there was no one else that could do it. It has been very difficult for me these last 14 months. Growing up as a child she was never a good mom to me or any of my siblings. Dad was the one that was always there for us. He passed in 2007. And this disease has just made it harder. I told her Happy Mother’s Day this morning and she said “Oh ok”.
She treats me horrible by the way she talks to me and ignores me. She is better with my husband.
I have been so depressed lately and I can’t take care of myself because I’m always doing for her. Once again I know it’s the disease but I never got treated this bad before the disease.
She is next on the waiting list to get into a memory care unit. I know this is going to sound horrible to some of you but I want this to happen. I can retire in about 5-7 years and I want me and my husband to enjoy the next step in our lives. Also his health issues are not great either with needing knee replacements and having diabetes. I just want us to take care of each other.
Im sorry I just needed to vent to someone, none of my siblings are there for me.
Not only do I think you are not horrible, but I think your smart. You know you can know longer take care of you mother and you are making plans for you and your hubby's future.
I really believe that some parents don't deserve the love and respect from their kids. I am not saying they (parents) should be mistreated or even locked away and the key thrown away; they just don't deserve the extras.
This disease sure does not bring the best out of people. My own mother has and at times treats me like I am the mud on the bottom of her shoes, where she has never treated me as bad before dementia step into our lives! Your not alone!!
I hope you get your freedom back soon. Please take care of yourself. It is not a sin or selfish to care of yourself first; therefore you can take better care of everyone else.
Hugs!!
Do something nice and relaxing like maybe get her to go to her room and watch tv. Do you have a tv set up in her room and enough room for a chair? If not, it may be a good thing to set up for this interim so she'll go to her room and sit; if not a chair, in her bed. Use her money to buy another tv (big as possible so she can see it) and the extra tv outlet charge.
Try not to do so much for her that you neglect yourself; I know easier said than done.. me, too. Can she afford for you to hire anyone to come in to help her/you with anything? Think of things that would be a help to you and if someone else can help do those things. A housekeeper (maybe each of you pay some of that)? a caregiver to sort pills, whatever? deliveries of things needed?
Have you looked into all memory care available in your area and maybe a little beyond? including assisted living facilities as those also have memory care areas?
Can you call your siblings and ask them to take her a few days each week or weekends between however many siblings you have? Maybe some of them would take her for a night or two.
Crossing fingers that memory care will be available soon.
Pray that the opening happens soon and in the mean time try to ignore the nonsense she throws at you.
Great big warm hug to you!