My sister hired a lawyer to send me a threatening letter that I wrongfully cut her out of my mother's healthcare and I have abused my powers as a Durable Power of Attorney. My sister is claiming my mother named her a Co-Agent in my mother's healthcare (which she did not). My sister was named an Alternate at one point, but she never had access to my mother's medical and financial records.
In my state, Massachusetts, I found out there is no such position as a "Co-Agent" in healthcare. I asked her lawyer for proof that she is the Co-Agent, and did not receive a response. I did however, receive a letter that they are prepared to file some sort of protection or relief in court. What grounds can they seek a protection on? Don't these things need proof? And isn't this defaming my character?
What did the letter from the attorney say? I know it said you were abusing your powers as DPOA but what did the letter say you had to do?
They're filing for some sort of protection? Or relief? What does that mean? Is your sister trying to get guardianship over your mom?
I think you need to get an attorney.
If you are thinking a defamation suit, it will be difficult to find an attorney that will take it as most likely the amount that would be recoverable isnt enough to make it worth their while.
Going through lawyers sounds like a very expensive way of communicating. What, actually, is your sister's beef?
My mother has dementia. She is not mentally competent. Prior to losing her capacity (years before she became sick), my mother named me to take care of her health and finances. This was known to everyone in the family, and my sister even helped my mother to execute the Power of Attorney with an attorney.
My sister and I have not gotten along because I confronted her regarding finances stemming back to when my mother when she became ill. She had my mother sign over her house to her for $1, when my mother was unable to really differentiate "yes" and "no." I was living at my mother's house trying to take care of her, and she evicted me (meaning my mother had to leave as well). She sold the house recently and my mother has not received any profits from the house. I do not have money or time to fight this matter, I've already talked to several lawyers who have told me the cost to fight this will exceed $20,000. I'm really not looking for this anyways. I would just like to take care of my mother in peace and I'm not looking for a payout. However, my sister has made it beyond difficult to do this, and the stress and burden she has placed on me is taking it's toll.
As a result of everything, my sister cut herself out of my mother's life. She did not visit or call for a period of 3 years. Before she stopped visiting, she would come over to the residence we lived in and started fights which would visible agitate my mother. I would call her to ask her to visit my mother, and she would defer conversation to either her husband or she would call me a "b*tch" and hang up. I of course was not going to chase her down.
Back to the topic, her lawyer is also asking for frequent visitation, which I have allowed. My mom lives in my residence with my family. They are unhappy with my terms of visitation, and demand that I go out of my way to make it convenient for my sister.
I am unable to speak with my sister, as has requested all correspondence be through a lawyer. An attorney I spoke with told me I have a right to protect my property/home, and that if she's not a CoAgent that I can set any visitation guidelines I would like.
This is clearly a huge mess.
The thing is, I hugely respect the genuine efforts you have made to preserve what's left of your mother's relationship with her other daughter; but if the objective fact is that that daughter has stolen her money… I'm just not sure you can afford to ignore it. You have POA. You are obliged to protect your mother's interests. I hope that thought isn't making you feel worse.
I'm sorry that you and your mother have all this conflict. Looking after someone with dementia is hard enough without it.
One condition of visitation that my sister's lawyer originally agreed to was that my sister had to provide supervision (in the form of a police officer) to ensure everything went smoothly. However, they're now saying it is not cost convenient for her (ironic, because she made a profit on the house she sold).
I am not comfortable with her being in my house alone because of her temper. I feel that it would be in my mother's best interest that she was supervised to ensure she does not start a fight. My mother has been in such a good place considering what she is going through, and I have noticed that disruption has throws her off (and I'm the one who does the work to get her back on track, while my sibling leaves).
My sister's lawyer does not agree, and if I do not agree to their terms I guess they're going to take me to court. It's extremely unfortunate.
There's 6 siblings in all. It's essentially myself along with my 3 other siblings against my sister (and other sister, but that's a separate mess). 4/6 would not sign off on her receiving Guardianship.
Get the medical records that prove mom was incompetent at the time of the signing. Get the house sale records. Get all Mom's bank records. Then ask the DA and not the police, to investigate a case of elder abuse, fraud and punish the offenders. Prosecutors don't cost you a dime.
Thank you for the advice. I'm going to look into this, I've already requested medical records and I'm going to look into the sale of the house.
It's funny, because my sister never denied my mother was not still an owner (after she signed over the house, she maintained that my mother still held ownership). I have letters from a previous lawyer dealing with the eviction that they would be unable to sell the house because too much money was owed and there would be no profit (despite the mortgage balance being $0 in 2007). Plus they said my mother owed them money for work that was done in the house (without her consent, obviously). Can you believe that their lawyer told me to take my mother to public housing?
I went for a consultation with a lawyer, who told me that I had to allow my sister into my house to visit with my mother, and that courts will agree but will probably limit visitation to twice a month. I'm not totally against her coming to my house (even though I do not want her there) because it is her mother. I am just in favor of limiting visits and requiring supervision. I'm trying to act in my mother's best interest which her lawyer does not seem to understand (they believe I'm acting selfishly.)
I firmly believe my sister owes my mother an apology for everything she has put us through, and I would love to make that a prerequisite before visitations continue. Just because my mother has dementia does not mean she is any less of a person.
As others have said you and your other siblings need to see this sister facing charges. She committed fraud, IDK who you're talking to with this "the police won't do much", you need to pursue this, no one in their right mind sells their home for a $1.
If you keep going until you find someone who will handle this.
Get all the paperwork you can on this, the timeline, when you were forced out of the house, and go after her.
Forget about an apology, you won't get one. And you don't have to let her in YOUR HOME, I would call the police if she shows up and won't leave. Get a restraining order against her.
You need to stop handling this like you're dealing with a rational person, you're not.
Just from reading your comments I can tell(I know because it is normal and tried this mindset with my own brother until I realized I wasn't dealing with a logical person) you're looking at this as "why is she like this?", throw that out the window, accept she is a monster and act accordingly.
Good luck.
Return her attorney's letters "to sender" unopened.
If you've done something wrong with your mom's money yourself? Be worried. If not, call her bluff.
I spend my mother's money on her. I even spend my own money on her because what she gets from SS isn't enough. I jacked my credit cards up paying for diapers and medications. My sister's lawyer said in a letter that a court will allow them to view my mother's financial records, which I think a load of crap.
What's funny is that my mother and my sister never saw eye to eye. My sister would yell at my mother even when she was showing signs of dementia. I now see why my mother appointed me to take of her. My mother's dignity is so important to me and it drives me absolutely crazy that her own child would cause so much controversy around her in a time when she is unable to speak or defend herself.
You don't have to let your sister come to your home unless she has interest in it. You can have your mother meet her elsewhere. I found the idea of police supervision to be a bit strong. Maybe family supervision would be more reasonable??
I would just try to understand what she wants, then work with her to try to mend the broken fences some. But of course, keep the defenses up around your mother and yourself. Since your mother is not wealthy, apparently your sister just wants to see her mother without hiring a policeman?? Just guessing here, since the situation is confusing to me.
What I do see is sibling conflict. I wonder who is doing the fighting when visits happen. Is it the siblings?
If I am unable to reverse the actual transaction for $1, wouldn't I be able to sue on behalf of my mother citing Promissory Estoppel? My mother's money was paying the mortgage and making upgrades into the house based on the belief and promise that she would be receiving half of the sales proceeds. Why else would she pay someone else's mortgage? This is something I plan on speaking to an attorney about.
I agree that the police presence is a little bit strong, but no one else in our family wants to be involved because they disagree with what has happened. My sister's attorney is the one who proposed a police officer be present at their expense.