Cared for mom in FL for 7 yrs /6 mo/yr+this summer (Sister-5 summers) I want 2 wks to with kids in AZ. Makes excuses, won't help. Not fair. mom with our son for pickup. Excuse- decided to buy a car Where did that come from? And she left for meeting with her friend at her cottage. This is typical and usual according to mom. She tried to dump mom on our son. I told her I wanted to see my family in AZ for two weeks plus I might need cataract surgery. Got a call-sure, will take mom for whole month of Oct. Shortly after called to say no, "her husband had fishing trip with friends and wives". (For whole month, I doubt it!) I gave her four months notice. I can't go in winter and I can't go in summer. She didn't ASK about my keeping mom all the time, she demanded it. I skipped going to visit my son's family already once this summer. My husband has to go alone while I stay back with mom. There's much more. Mom and I are arguing because she ALWAYS side with sis. Sis is executris and has power of Attorney. I have to have permission for things that effect me and I don't like it. Sis is an Alpha wolf, irresponsible with money and tried to get mom's condo in her name with mom's. I've had it. I've been called a liar, demeaned, and bullied. To complicate everything, mom's health is going bad. She has pneumonia, is incontinent, fell and has hurt herself. We have been transporting her to Sis doctor many miles away. Can we do anything to resolve this? We want to see a lawyer about what I have to do if she demands it. Can we make her do anything? I've had it! She kept insisting I solve the problem of caring for mom in October, I think she should solve the problem. Any ideas of how I can require her to be more responsible, legal or otherwise?
To me, for whatever reason, your mom has really done you a disservice by putting your sister in charge of all - being Executor, etc. - so don't know the background of that either. I would run, not walk, to an elder care related attorney and find out all of your legal options. If your mom is well and coherent enough - I would tell her that you want to be co-executor, etc., whatever the attorney advises. I hate to depress you (and I only am giving my 2 cents worth due to what I have been going through for the last 18 years) - but if you think your sister is bad news now - just wait until she takes on her Executor duties. The good news is - it sounds like your mom no longer has her home and the contents of her home. I am presently clearly out 50+ years of memories and loads of STUFF because my siblings have decided to be mad - and that way they do not offer to be of ANY help. They have agreed to just disagree with everything I suggest as Executor. In retrospect my dad didn't get it all together to protect me, but at least he made me Executor. My sister loves for someone else to do ALL the work - while she gets either all or half the benefit.. Get a lawyer to educate yourself and your husband as to your rights and options. Don't be penny-wise and pound foolish. Good Luck.
I kept a lot in over time because I felt it was my elderly parent's place to set my siblings straight. But, perhaps that was not fair either. My one sibling would just find various reasons to be mad and then cut off all communication with our parent letting me know they were teaching that parent a lesson. The other sibling was expert at convincing my parent that they were just so busy and had bills to pay. My answer to that now, "YAWN." I think that information is power, that is why I would go to an expert and find out what my options are, forget the cost, and get to taking charge of their own decisions and life. These situations will swallow up and ruin any person that decides either consciously or not - that they will just be a victim. At the end, the wolves will come out and want to make sure this sister who is doing alllll the work doesn't get one cent more pleasure or money than they do. These type of situations are very sad. One thing that kept me going was my faith. I had experienced more than once, that my Lord will even the score - I didn't need to try and even the score myself, i.e., teach anyone a lesson or carry a grudge or be involved in a family feud. But getting information and being smart and sometimes getting angry - is really self protection, and love of self. Some may be amazed that they can be strong, direct, and nice to.
As to "dropping off" Mom at sister's house -- how about you & Mom meet sis for lunch. Meanwhile, you already have a week's worth of items for your mother packed and in your trunk or at the coat check. After a delightful lunch - on Mom's dime of course - you hand over Mom & her suitcase to sister, say you'll be in contact "soon" and to expect the remainder of Mom's items via delivery in the next few days. Then go & totally enjoy your family in AZ.
Do like the suggestion of having your house cleaned before your surgery.
In addition to your sister having power over your mom, you are giving her too much power over you. Only YOU can change the latter.