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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Ask for a copy of the POA paperwork, and do what you reasonably can to make sure abuse of the POA is not occurring. A POA who fails to live up to their duties can be removed. OTOH, I think everyone else is right about just giving your mom some love and kindness, especially if the finances are apparently in order.
Yogi, it would be very helpful if you could describe how your mother is living. Does she live alone, or with you? Are there other family members around? What sort of help does your mother need every day?
The mere fact, by itself, that your sister says nasty things about you to your mother does not mean that your mother believes them. Your mother's attitude may have changed, for example, simply because she is stressed out by her illness and/or your sister's increased presence, especially if your sister is the bossy type.
So don't be hurt: take a good look at what sort of help your mother needs from you and focus on working out how you can best provide it. And don't be afraid of your sister. She may think she's the boss of everyone but it ain't necessarily so - unless you allow her to be.
Give it some time. If sister is not normally inclined to be a caregiver, this newfound attitude of hers will not last long. Not sure what you consider to be "verbal abuse". That term is thrown around so easily these days, that just an argument becomes verbal abuse.
It's actually good for the controlling personality to be POA, because they will be more likely to be on top of all the paperwork and phone calls and making appointments and whatnot that go along with it. You get to be the loving daughter that brings Mom little presents (photos, hankies, greeting cards, cookies, lotions, flowers) and visits and laughs. As time goes on and your mother's health erodes and her dementia gets worse, it will take both of you to support her. Try to keep your interactions with Sister civil and don't cause your mother anything to worry about.
The only advice I can think of is to continue to do kind and loving things for your mother and let your sister worry about the money. If you take your mother grocery shopping, buy what she needs and don't worry about the budget. Your mother probably needs $75-100 at the grocery each week (food, paper, and toilet items). The budget should fall in line with her needs. It's okay for your sister to control the financial reins as long as she is being conscientious. It is one less thing that you have to worry about. Your own behavior with your mother will show her that you are not a bad person.
My sister took my mom to attorney and had mom write me off as joint POA and now that mom is ill and I want to help mom my sister boast about how she is POA and tells me I have no right to knowing any of moms finances and she becomes very defensive and mean when I ask what mom can afford for groceries and etc. What can I do as I care more about loving my mother and caring for her and my sister is more of a controlling personality and becomes very verbally abusive to my mother. My heart is broken as my sister never visited mom until she became mentally confused and now she is visiting mom everyday and now mom don't talk to me like she used to.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The mere fact, by itself, that your sister says nasty things about you to your mother does not mean that your mother believes them. Your mother's attitude may have changed, for example, simply because she is stressed out by her illness and/or your sister's increased presence, especially if your sister is the bossy type.
So don't be hurt: take a good look at what sort of help your mother needs from you and focus on working out how you can best provide it. And don't be afraid of your sister. She may think she's the boss of everyone but it ain't necessarily so - unless you allow her to be.
It's actually good for the controlling personality to be POA, because they will be more likely to be on top of all the paperwork and phone calls and making appointments and whatnot that go along with it. You get to be the loving daughter that brings Mom little presents (photos, hankies, greeting cards, cookies, lotions, flowers) and visits and laughs. As time goes on and your mother's health erodes and her dementia gets worse, it will take both of you to support her. Try to keep your interactions with Sister civil and don't cause your mother anything to worry about.
This is not a sprint, but a marathon.