My Mom lives with my sister a mental case worker and she receives 2000 a mo. but does not cook feeds my mother fast food and wastes money. No cooking is involved,enless my mother does it. my mother pays for all expenses, and their is very little food in the house, my mother is 91 and cannot look after herself and does not want to go to a nursing home. she gets around well. her memory is excellent. and my mother stated today when I went to take her to the doctor for bronchitis that my sister was cutting back on food because she wants to go see her son and grandkids in Utah. between their two incomes it come to 5200 a month. is that income from my mother to my sister taxable? im at a loss for a lack of personal care that my sister gives my mother. ive brought this up but she now refuses to let me see my mother, or check on her well being.
However, I have to wonder if your mom is able to get Meals-on-Wheels or into some other program that allows the elderly to get some nutritious food?
Or, if you're a proper cook and would take over Mom's care, that's another option to consider.
If your mother is eating fast food and that is what she wants, why should you deny that to her. My mother used to eat frozen chicken nuggets and frozen hot dogs all day long because she was taking care of 3 great grandchildren. She also suffered from severe diarrhea at the time and stayed in sh*tty pants all day. We now have her on a pretty bland diet, home cooked, but it takes work.
My mother is with us 24/7 and both my husband and I have to plan our days around taking care of my mother. We have not been out to eat together, alone, for longer than I can remember. If I am not in the room with her then my husband is. Do you honestly think that taking care of someone 24/7 is that easy? We used to pay a woman to come in for FOUR hours per day to help my dad $250/week, $1000 per month. And, that was for just four hours per day. If your sister is working she is at home with your mother for a minimum of 14 hours/day. At minimum wage of $10 per hour she should be getting paid $4200/month.
You mentioned that your mother doesn’t want to go into a nursing home. You can certainly step up and have your mother come to live with you if you feel that you can do a better job. I bet that after taking care of your mother for one month 24/7 that you would feel that $2000 isn’t enough for taking care of an elderly woman.
So many people feel that there is an obligation to take care of a parent free and that any minimum payment received is horrendous. I see that often on this site and I see that from some of my siblings.
Well, I say, take that elderly person into your own home. Take care of them 24/7. Pay someone to come in and take care of your elderly parent while you have to go grocery shopping. Pay someone to come in and cook and clean for them while you are at your job. Some people even give up their jobs and homes to take care of their parents.
Personally I haven’t been posting on this site much as of late because of all the judgments that are given because someone is paid for taking care of their parents.
First, without a written agreement, the elder (and others people involved in care such as physicians and health care providers) can't be sure who is responsible to maintain the needed level of care. A Caregiver Contract provides an organized schedule for care and other services that can be adjusted to your changing needs.
Second, without a written agreement, the family member(s) providing the care are vulnerable to criticism (just or unjust). The Caregiver Contract recognizes and rewards the time and effort that you give to care, and helps prevent arguments and misunderstandings among other family members who can't or won't help out.
Finally, without a written agreement, the elder who pays a family member for care could be disqualified from Medicaid coverage if they need nursing home care in the future. In my state (Massachusetts) the state Medicaid agency and the courts have rejected transfers of money to children or family members who provided care, because there was no written contract or agreement for the care services. The Caregiver Contract documents the compensation and services in a format that Medicaid can understand and accept if nursing home care becomes necessary in the future.
It's never too late to try and reach an understanding among family members. A geriatric care manager or social worker can help coordinate the insights of your physician, nutritionist and other health professionals, to prepare a plan that will protect everyone.
I have found that taking the legal route, having the proper documentation for all expenses and care, is the best way to proceed.
Thank you for bringing this point up and sharing your valuable advice.