my mother is narcissistic and has always had a mean streak. she has had dementia for awhile and has had 24 hour caregivers for over a year. her preferred caregiver had to leave and new caregivers were introduced. she has been very abusive to them - ordering them around - yelling, just extremely unpleasant.
i am looking into skilled nursing memory facilities but i am worried because i have read some yelp reviews where people's parents have been evicted for bad behavior.
i am wondering if i should tell the facility of the bad behavior . . . and how do they handle it? i would assume with medications. that is actually the only thing i could imagine working.
you couldn't have yellers in a nursing home upsetting the other patients - so where are they and how are they being handled?
thanks for any ideas. i am at my wit's end.
Carol
I can see you are at your wits end trying to place your mother. My only suggestion would be to try and mellow her out before the subject is even introduced because I will bet she is going to scream bloody murder at the idea of a N/H and probably fight tooth and nail when you try and take her out of the house. Talk frankly with her Dr and ask for his ideas on something that will calm her down and make her more manageable. In the elderly some drugs can have the opposite effect to the desired one so you may have to try several till you settle on the right one and correct dose. If she is stable and they are willing to continue the medication in the N/H she will cause minimal disruption. the alternative is a locked ward and I don't think you would want to see her placed there or having to endure that environment while she continues to be aware of her surroundings. The alternative is to continue with the 24 hour care at home and the constant turnover of caregivers. There is plenty of work for in home caregivers so if they are abused it's easy to find another job. good luck.
Just don't tell her what it is. Call it a pain pill or a brain pill or a vitamin for her blood. It may take more than one attempt to find something that helps without bad side effects. Will her doctor be willing to keep working with her to find a solution?
Personally, I bitch about antidepressants because they don't cure me. I'm a big baby and complain if I get a little headache from them. But I no longer think about suicide every day, and I am happy for most of every day. Give her drugs. You will both be glad you did.
Seekseek, keep on seeking!! You Mom is entitled to professional and empathetic care, and there are facilities that take difficult patients. I hope the patients you observed were mellow and functioning vs. mellow and zoned out! There is a guidebook that comes out every 6 months that lists Senior care service facilities in every county of your state, and what kind of services they specialize in (such as Alz/dementia) and what medical plans they participate in.. Your doctor can probably tell you the name of it (sorry- 'senior moment' I cannot remember the ttle). Don't give up!!
Is she seeing a specialist in mental illness and dementia in the elderly? These problems can be treated, but not just any doctor is equipped with the knowledge and experience necessary. Please don't be offended if I suggest something you have already tried.
It's tough when the person acting this badly has always been difficult. How much is the disease and how much is selfish stubborn behavior? I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
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