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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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My 89 Year old father asks the same questions, mostly "when am I going home" atleast every 5 or 10 min, as soon as it is answered, a couple min later its the same question all over again. Is there a way to address this so I don't loose my mind.
Thanks for the help, I probably am going to try the idea that Nansacola had. Part of the problem is mine I suppose as I am neglecting my own life as I have been there daily for a couple hours since I put him in the assisted living facility, sometimes twice daily. I am his guardian and just want to do things correctly. Guess some of this is guilt, because when he knew who I was, we had a rocky relationship, not that he doesnt even know who I am I guess I felt I should have been there for him when I wasn't.
My dad once checked on the car in the garage 30 times in 3 hours.. no lie. We were going insane! The dr gave us Namenda.. boy did that help! But we still get alot of repeating. We just try to change the topic.
There is no way to stop it, my husband 83, comes up with the same questions just about every day, I have heard them so many times I know what's coming out of his mouth and redirect it, how about a cup of coffee, then I get up & leave the room. Before this method I had laryngitis all the time trying to " explain" & answer him.
I hear you Amy. The having to repeat everything due to Moms hearing issues is a big stresser for me too. I once got Laryngitis after visiting my grandchildren, and screaming on the roller coaster. It lasted over nine months and got better only after a 11 day vacation in solitude.
Nansacola, I do the same. I check on Mom a couple times a week, shop, clean, empty garbage, do the wash, etc but I can't stay too long before it gets uncomfortable and I feel really irritable. Mom is deaf and even with hearing aids, I have to talk at the top of my lungs and repeat myself. That is also a stressor if it goes on too long. I'm a senior too, I don't have the patience I used to have, or the good health. Mom can't carry on a conversation about anything. She asks the same questions, over and over and talks about the same things every single visit. She doesn't understand or remember what I say. Every conversation is like it had never taken place before. It breaks my heart just as you said to see her turn into a shell of herself. But I know it is better for me not to stay too long or I will lose patience and then I will feel even more guilty.
I just keep answering the questions. After they have been asked and answered three times, I tell my mother I love her, hug her, and leave. She just cannot carry on a conversation anymore. I basically just check on her and see what she needs at this point. It is so very, very sad to see a vibrant person turn into a shell of themselves. Once in a while, there is a break-through moment of clairity, but it disappears as fast as it shined through.
I just keep answering her question as if it's the first time she has asked it, even for the 50th time. I have written things out and written them on a poster and hung it in front of her, but that never worked as she would forget to read it.
The best thing I discovered is to try to change the subject, though that rarely works either. I just deal with it patiently and hope there won't be as many questions for my next visit.
If you live with this person and they are with you all the time......................I can't imagine that. I don't think I could handle it 24/7.
That reminds me of a strange thing my mother did. She had no clock in the bedroom so I got her a lighted little nightstand clock. I had also bought her a large atomic clock I put on the kitchen counter. She kept unplugging the bedroom clock and plugged it in next to the atomic clock. Over and over no matter how many times I moved it back into the bedroom. Finally I switched the clocks, left the bedroom clock in the living room, the atomic clock in the bedroom (although it isn't lighted at night). There is no understanding dementia.
They ask. We answer. They ask. We answer. They ask. We answer.
It is a perpetual loop. Other than get a transfusion of patience, there isn't a lot you can do. A printed answer can help in some cases -- and a white board is good because it can't be folded up and hidden.
My mother constantly asked about the time, and it helped when there was a clock visible. For night I got a clock that projected the time on the ceiling, and that greatly reduced the number of times she got up in the night to ask what time it was. So some questions may have practical solutions.
You have my sympathy. My mother is the same. She has the same five topics she asks about and discusses, asking the exact same questions every single day, several times. I answer the same thing every time, but its a big loop. She obsessed about getting her flu shot the other day, writing notes to herself, all over the place. She had had the shot, and I had written it in big letters on the white board on the wall - she erased it and continued asking about it. I don't think there is much we can do to change this. Its part of the disease.
One thing I did for my mom was to write the answer in big bold magic marker on a large sheet of paper and pinned it to her couch, which is right next to her chair. So when she asks (in her case, it's how old she is), I point it out and she can read it for herself. Now when she asks, I'll say, "Remember where you can look to see that answer?" She'll look to the couch.
I've also tried a whiteboard on her refrigerator. It has to be something that you dad can see where he spends most of his time. Good luck, I know how annoying it can be. My mom will ask what I hear from my brother or my cousin and I'll go into great detail and three minutes later, she'll ask me again. It's enough to drive me to drink (more Diet Pepsi in my case, LOL).
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I hear you Amy. The having to repeat everything due to Moms hearing issues is a big stresser for me too. I once got Laryngitis after visiting my grandchildren, and screaming on the roller coaster. It lasted over nine months and got better only after a 11 day vacation in solitude.
The best thing I discovered is to try to change the subject, though that rarely works either. I just deal with it patiently and hope there won't be as many questions for my next visit.
If you live with this person and they are with you all the time......................I can't imagine that. I don't think I could handle it 24/7.
It is a perpetual loop. Other than get a transfusion of patience, there isn't a lot you can do. A printed answer can help in some cases -- and a white board is good because it can't be folded up and hidden.
My mother constantly asked about the time, and it helped when there was a clock visible. For night I got a clock that projected the time on the ceiling, and that greatly reduced the number of times she got up in the night to ask what time it was. So some questions may have practical solutions.
But mostly it is a matter of having patience!
I've also tried a whiteboard on her refrigerator. It has to be something that you dad can see where he spends most of his time. Good luck, I know how annoying it can be. My mom will ask what I hear from my brother or my cousin and I'll go into great detail and three minutes later, she'll ask me again. It's enough to drive me to drink (more Diet Pepsi in my case, LOL).