I have another problem but maybe I'm making too much of it. My brother and his wife care for my dad. They do get paid for room and some care and now that I'm trustee I'm thinking of raising that. However, I had previously given them a debit card...which I'm sure was not abused... but they promised to give me receipts or at least explanations and they stopped doing that. So I 'unfunded it' until I can figure out a better way to handle this. Now I hear that my brother has taken dad's credit card (they have the same name). Again, no abuse, but I am supposed to be tracking and reporting stuff. I can't tell from afar who bought what.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
By the way, I have a very bad relationship with the two of them so I'm sure they are pissed that I'm asking for receipts. I'm a former Controller/CFO, it's built into my DNA by now.
One thing is business, the other is love. If they do not understand the duties of a trustee buy them a book.
My dad has Medicare with a supplemental policy and he can see doctors wherever he is with no problem. If dad has an advantage plan you will have a difficult time getting him seen. But he could be cancelled for out of network and then he can get a supplemental policy without any exclusions for pre-existing conditions. It was cheaper for my dad to buy the supplemental then meet his annual deductible on the advantage plan.
Don't argue, just tell him that he will be all alone if he moves now and he will not be able to do anything, no visiting restaurants or family and he still has to pay the full amount regardless. Not a good idea to be isolated for an indefinite period of time.
Remember to breathe during this challenging situation. It can feel so overwhelming that you forget the simple pleasures that you have everyday.
My heart goes out to you, great big warm hug!
Why do they want a professional Trustee? Are they mad that you have been assigned by dad to have the authority? I don't recommend going that route, because you can't get the authority back if something happens to dad.
It is typically a percentage of the estate annually and billable hours. So you are right that it can be very expensive. This is something that you can research and get in writing.
I pray that this is the beginning of communication between you and the caregiver sibling to allow all of you to be able to do what you can to help dad and remain a family. Maybe a verbal agreement that you will listen to their input before decisions they feel passionate about are made.
Sometimes blowing things up is the only way to get to the bottom of issues and rebuilding. Everyday is a new start, so move on from the blow up.
Good job well done! Enjoy you week with your dad!
Sometimes you can't win and it sounds like you may be in this situation.
They are probably mad that you have all the authority, oh well, it was dad's decision to make and you were the 1st choice.
When you get the letters from the doctors and you have full control you may have to cancel credit cards and get tough about accounting for expenditures. Especially if they are being paid room, board and care, which you should not ask how any of that is spent. You just expense that out as is. It's the above and beyond that you have to account for.
Based on their behavior I think that you are wise to require receipts because they will be screaming misappropriation of finances when dad is gone and they will be blaming you.
Just curious, how long since they have had any respite? They may be in need of a break and they don't even realize why they are so mad. Just a thought.
Taking dads credit card is not a good solution. It could be construed as identity theft or financial exploitation. There is a better way to go about this. Give them viable alternatives for getting items paid for.
I think it is great that you are going to pay them more for everything that they are doing for dad. Put that in writing as well and send it with a check.
Acknowledging and compensating their caregiving can go a long way to mending fences. Being the hands on caregiver is stressful and your life is no longer your own. Being appreciated will create some goodwill. Well done!