My 86-year-old mother has dementia but doesn't think she has a problem. She can eat and within 5 minutes be looking for something in the refrigerator. Also, during the day she is alone and does not want a companion to come in to keep her company as it has been suggested. Also, when I get home, I discover that she has taken food out of the freezer for supper without realizing that there is food in the fridge. Leaving notes does not work as I don't think she understands what she reads. Needless to say, there is no conversation between the two of us as she has no interests.
Sometimes you can gain guardianship over the elder, but that is a long legal battle that can be expensive and emotionally exhausting for everyone. Unless the elder is diagnosed with an advanced stage of dementia, this move is unlikely to work.
Waiting for an elder to have an incident that can convince him or her that help is needed is agony for the family, but please don't feel guilty. Do what you can. Sometimes, that isn't enough to keep them safe but it's all you can do.
I had two similar situations - yes, I do feel your pain. We were fortunate in that the incidences were not horrible - just bad enough to make the move.
My best to both of you.
Carol
Best to you, and good luck.!!!!!
Best wishes, hope something small but important happens soon x
Patience is hard because of her constant repeating and she never remembers her medication even though they are in a pill dispenser. If she can't remember what day it is, how can she remember to take it? And she can't leave notes for herself because she won't remember to write them!
It's a tough life we all share and coming here is such a comfort. We are all doing the best we can and my guilt is beginning to lessen. God bless all of us, our job is never easy
If someone tries to talk to my Mom, Mom comes across as very confuse.... but she's is sharp as a tack and the problem is with her hearing, not her mind. Thus, any doctor appointment I need to be there to help relay information between Mom and the doctor, and anyone else in the doctor's office.
Also, if Mom needs to fill out a form or sign something, she also comes across as confused because she has a serious macular degeneration eye problem, and has trouble reading or even seeing the line to sign her name.
It was just to dangerous to leave her alone any longer and she kept firing any help we hired to come in and help her. I wish you the best with your elder and your caregiving experience. I know that I could not keep up with the worries and the care any longer - to the detrement of my own health. We no longer had any choice. Best wishes and hugs to you.
Just be aware that people may lose judgement and higher level thinking and problem solving skills - and therefore need a little help- though they are oriented and recognize people OK. And if they can be helped in tactful, creative ways without having to realize that those skills have slipped, so much the better...especially given that they may not be able to grasp that those skills have slipped, simply because they have!
BTW, soap opera can be very interesting, and its slow paced enough that someone who has time to watch can update someone who doesn't in a minute or two. It's been decades since I followed any of them seriously (anyone remember All My Children?) but I understand nothing has changed. :-)
Bless you all.
As for page magnifiers - hearing aids for Mom, I've tried each and every one I could find for her to try out. Dad usually takes ownership of the page magnifiers for himself because Mom doesn't find them helpful. Because of her eyesight, Mom is trying to teach Dad how to use a checkbook and how to balance it... that was the era they grew up in, the wife usually handled the paycheck.
Mom is even showing Dad how to set the washing machine as the new washer controls are difficult for her to read, I even found the settings too small to read myself. HELLO washing machine manufacturers, us baby boomers are fast approaching, need larger lettering on the controls.
We have totally given up any hopes of getting any help with MIL from my SIL and we feel so trapped all the while our health is declining but what else can we do.
One of us has to be here 24/7, oh well I say 24/7 but we can leave MIL alone for a little while as long as it is during the day but when it starts getting dark she gets panicky. There is no laughter, smiles, happiness anymore it is a constant battle of strength as to not totally lose control.
We have given up our home, sold off nearly all of our assets in order to take care of someone that thinks we should be happy with the way things are, we are going under more everyday all the while being accused of treating and talking to her (MIL) like a dog. She doesn't realize how hateful she is when she speaks to us and when you call her on something she has said "I have never said that to you! I'm good to you and you treat me like this! I do everything for you!"
The only things she does is make her bed and she attempts to do her laundry, when she isn't looking we have to rewash her clothes. She refuses to wear her depends, unless she is going to the doctor, and places washcloths in her panties to "protect" from accidents. We have caught her with her but at the edge of her bed and urinating on the carpet. No one is their right mind would do this. She won't shower, insists that she washes herself every time she goes to the bathroom. She has frequent UTI and doesn't believe that it is from not bathing.
It sucks being a caregiver to someone that shows no love or caring, and doesn't appreciate anything that we do to make her life easier. '
I know I have gotten off the subject that these posts are talking about but I had to vent here because everyone here understands what we are all going through.
Thanks for being here.
Mom is 80, diagnosed with Dementia, lives alone, is deep in denial, refuses my help, and has become totally unreasonable and combative. When her doctor told her not to drive anymore she told the doctor where to stick it. I get yelled at and snapped at a lot.
In the past 12 months it has progressed rapidly, and she keeps accusing me of taking her life away from her, trying to control her, and wanting to have her committed. I am her only caregiver, my sister lives too far away (but is considering moving closer to help Thank God).
I do know that a dementia patient has no control over their thoughts. They cannot understand their confusion and it is scary as hell. I know that as my precious mother suffers this awful disease, I must go through it with her. I accept that, and I have a huge support system to help me, between her doctors and mine too, seeing my therapist, reading and online help such as this website, I thing I will manage to get through it as I wait for that awful shoe to drop, so that I can get her the help she needs to live her life and not take mine in the process.
Remember you need a few things to take care of you: Eat well, laugh, pray, read about it, and open up...speak to others for feedback.
Good luck in your journey, it is a rough road for sure.
She still wants to go home but they have activities which keep her stimulated and she is much better mentally than she has been for a couple of years. She also is in denial that she has any more than normal 'forgetfulness' which comes with aging and thinks she can take care of herself. We just redirect her as best we can.
I am lucky to have 3 sisters who are all just as involved as I am with the care and decision making regarding our mother. Thanks to all who post here!
There’s a friend of mine, a woman on our staff, who lives in an urban part of Houston. She has a townhome with a townhome on each side. When the townhomes were built, all three neighbors had identical trees planted in front. They were young trees, maybe 10 or 12 feet tall. When hurricane Ike came through in September 2008, those three young trees were toppled over, blown by the strong winds. They looked as if they were dying.
After the storm, all three neighbors went out to replant their trees. They tied their trees to stakes in the ground and did whatever they could to help those little trees take root again. But, my friend did something different from her neighbors. Every day she’d pass by her tree on her way to work, and she would speak to that little tree, “Be blessed! Grow straight and strong.” Day after day, she would speak life over her little tree. It wasn’t long before she noticed that her tree was growing stronger and straighter than her neighbors. In fact, her neighbor’s trees are still leaning over, not looking too healthy or growing very much, but her tree is now straight, strong and flourishing! All three trees received the same amount of sun, the same water, the same soil. What made the difference? The power of words.
As you think about your life, what are the things that have been blown over by the storms and circumstances of life? What looks like it’s dying in your world? Are your dreams toppled over? Does your marriage appear to be uprooted? I encourage you today, just like my friend, to begin to speak life and blessing to the dying places. Water those areas by speaking the Word of God. When you sow seeds of life and blessing no matter what your circumstances my look like, before long—just like my friend—you’ll see life and health flourish by the power of your words!
The tongue has the power of life and death… (Proverbs 18:21, NIV)
i try not to discredit or taunt believers unless they get to witnessing too strongly to me then i get a little defensive. visited my 90 yr old aunt today and shes clearly not doing well. general weakness and late dementia. she said a priest visits her and has prayed for her 3 times and now assures her shes going to be fine. shes not going to be fine, the priest is full of crap. aunt edna is going to die . faith just do not change facts related to old age and mortality. harmless , but still malarky..
I hope Aunt Edna's priest was doing the former; but I have heard chilling stories about parents of dying children being visited in hospital at their child's bedside by people I would gladly kick all the way down the stairs.
Re: your post about your husband who will not humble himself.
I'm almost an atheist, but even I know that any god worth believing in would be able to see deep into your husband's heart. God understands why your husband doesn't repent, and god loves him anyway!
My authority for this is not scripture, so feel free to ignore me if you disagree. I just want you to trust that your husband will be all right.