Spouse agreed to wear Depends. He does not change them often enough, not even daily unless there is a bowel accident. Any suggestions?
This is a repost of mine from December 2018. I am posting the question again to see if any newcomers or oldbies have thought of a solution to this problem. Spouse agreed to wear Depends 100 percent of the time back then, and that went smoothly.
He refuses to change them often enough. Outside of the odor, there is naturally the damage done to the skin. There have been problems with the place of worship because they billed for the soaked chairs they needed to discard since they were "contaminated and unfit for a sacred place."
The briefs leak after two days, onto his pants and the couch and the bed. I've changed tactics since December 2018 in that the kitchen seat gets covered with Chux, the sofa has a removable washable cover and I say, "You stink" when the stank gets unbearable. The PCP's nurse told him straight out that "when you come here you smell bad." Not much penetrates and overall, the condition is about 25 percent better than in 2018.
Reminders of "it's time to change the pants and the Depends" work only part of the time so I switched to "you stink," which is more effective. His VA PCP requested an in home aide 3x weekly for 3 hrs. that is helpful since June 2020. Any suggestions greatly appreciated, thanks.
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Calmoseptin is good for skin barrier.
ABri Form is a heavier diaper.. Might leak less.
A & D Ointment is good too for skin
That's quite a problem with shredding the Depends and flushing them - you got good advice because who among us can shadow another person 24/7? We need to alzheimer's-proof the home when we used to baby-proof it.
Dad is changing only 3 times a week??? OMG I feel so sorry for you. The smell must be unbearable.
When I was caring for FIL I would simply refuse to take him ANYWHERE unless he had minimally washed his privates and put on fresh underwear. Once a week I insisted on him showering, but that was the best I could do. My DH felt I was very disrespectful about this, until dad had a full blowout in HIS car. That changed his tune.
He did cave in and clean up a little. He also still had MANY accidents as he did not like the depends and he'd try to sneak on a pair of thong undies.
It's so hard to be respectful of our elders, whom we love and only want the best for...and to keep them clean so they can get out and about w/o offending others.
I felt it was a constant battle and one I generally 'lost'. If I were doing it today, I would be a lot tougher, while still being loving. I've learned a lot--the hard way.
Geeeeez, You have your hands full. I personally like the suggestion of male aides. It might be worth trying. Some men are old fashioned and can have a sexist attitude towards women. They aren’t going to listen to a woman. He very well may gel better with a man.
Can you block the ID channel and tell him that it is discontinued or that it is no longer covered in your area or plan?
Can you start running out for short errands when the aide arrives so he becomes more accustomed to your leaving? Let the aide guide him. They are trained in dealing with separation anxiety. Don’t talk over the aide.
You deserve a break!
Best wishes to you.
What concerned me about this latest female aide is that she gets along very well with Spouse and when I was ten minutes late returning last Friday, he persuaded her to help him into the car so they could "drive around the neighborhood to look for me in case I had gone missing and then call the police." I believe she was placating him to de-escalate the anxiety and do not know what would have happened if I had not walked up into the driveway at that moment.
Or I saw someone else said when dressing for bed, "Time for bed, change briefs and put on PJs."
If it's part of a routine, then it's not waiting until it's too soiled.
This is very oversimplified, of course, but it could be an improvement. And I think people respond to routine in a way that they don't to commands to "Take a shower, you smell bad." To which my father would say "Who cares? Don't like it don't smell me." lol
But if they have to, in order to eat a meal or prepare for bed, then I see it as being easier to accomplish.
Does he sleep? they rip apart at the side of the leg just begin the rip and they will rip all the way to the waist. No choice but to change them then.
does he use the bathroom at all? If so when he is in there a reminder to change them or again rip them at the side.
One of the "jobs" of the home health aid might be to change the Pull Ups and get him into the shower.
Other times, I believe he concentrates so hard on what he's reading that the urge rises and is ignored and then it's too late. Our Youngest told me that he was visiting and talking to his dad about something serious and he heard Spouse voiding into the Depends rather than break up their rapport. There is no way a brief is engineered to hold a full strength mess like that from someone on diuretics without it needing to be changed straightaway.
Aw, the first aide was male and worked wonderfully for 3 weeks, helping with bathing, exercising and changing the Depends! Then there have been 2 females since then and he only allows them to draw the bath, not stay in there with him, although the exercising works well. He's a very social person and tries to befriend the aides, which is his custom with anyone he meets, professional person or not. He gets intensely involved in their lives, takes everything personally, and so forth.
Thanks for responding.