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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Is this your father or grandfather? If grandfather, where are his children in all of this.
If you were not in contact with Dad/granddad on a regular basis you really don't have any idea what his wife went thru. When you have a Dementia, you are no longer able to make informed decisions. No person suffering from dementia wants to leave their home that is familiar to them but there comes a time their needs out weight what they want. People with Dementia are very unpredictable. You never know what they will do. One person can't really take care of someone 24/7 without help. And finding help that you can depend on is not easy.
Before you make the decision to "take him out" you really need to know what you are getting into. If he is in MC, then he needs a lockdown facility. He was evaluated and found he cannot be on his own. Your profile says you work with Seniors in IL. Is an AL and/or MC associated with the IL. If so, check them out. Ask the staff what is it like caring for a person with a Dementia. And there are different kinds. Lewey Body effects the frontal lobe so those people tend to be aggressive.
As said, see if there is a secondary on the POA. If not, then you may need to get guardianship. I would consult with a lawyer. Hopefully, you can have him transferred closer to you. But remember, he has a wife. If the stroke has not effected her cognitively, she still holds the POA and only guardianship can override it. Also, as his wife she has rights to 50% of their assets.
Thank you! Yes, we just want him in a facility closer to us; not back with his wife. We’ve also offered to have him move in with us but his wife is freezing us out of all conversation. Ugh.
It is usually against their will, because folk usually don't want to leave their home to live in a memory care facility. Did your step mother have the stroke before or after she placed your dad? I can tell you from experience caring for someone with alzheimer's/dementia is no easy task. I cared for my mom for 4 years (I eventually had to place her in a facility) and I still haven't fully recovered from the stress (prior to her passing this year it had been 2.5 years since she was at home with me) so be very careful in your decision making. It is easy to see how your step mother could have made better choices when you are on the outside looking in. If your dad is unable to care for himself and your step mother could no longer handle it what should she have done? Unless you hire around the clock care in your home this will consume you. I hope that this situation works out for all involved.
Thank you! We just want him in a facility closer to us — and one with better care; this one is awful. We’ve also offered to have him move in with us but his wife is freezing us out of all conversation. Ugh.
Just wondering, when step mom was planning to put your father in the nursing home, did you or anyone offer to step in and take over the care of your father? Or offer to help step mom with his care? Or offer to take him home to care for him? Or some other alternative to a nursing home?
If the expectation was for her to keep caring for your father at home, then she obviously knew she could no longer keep doing it, and made a very wise choice to put him in a nursing home where he can be cared for24/7. If she hadn't done that, then you, not being a POA for either of them, would now have to figure out what to do for a father who had dementia and a step mom who had a stroke.
Thank you! Yes, we’ve repeatedly asked to help and even wanted him to move in to our house. Now we just want him in a facility closer to us — and one with better care; this one is awful and completely negligent. Ugh. Thanks again for your response, really appreciate it.
No one can be kept in MC against their will if they don't have a medical diagnosis of cognitive/memory impairment and be in obvious need (the facility usually does a placement assessment). Your step-mom may have come to the end of ability to care to him by herself. You will need to speak to an elder law attorney to see what can be done to move him to a better facility. If he needs MC, you may not be able to care for him in your home either. Please read the many, many posts of this forum from loving, well-meaning but naive family members who grossly underestimated what full-time care of a person with dementia and our now burned out.
Depending on where you live, you may need to hire a lawyer, if your father cannot make the cognitive decision himself to assign you as a new POA. It will completely depend on if he has the use of his mental faculties. If not, your only choice is a lawyer.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you were not in contact with Dad/granddad on a regular basis you really don't have any idea what his wife went thru. When you have a Dementia, you are no longer able to make informed decisions. No person suffering from dementia wants to leave their home that is familiar to them but there comes a time their needs out weight what they want. People with Dementia are very unpredictable. You never know what they will do. One person can't really take care of someone 24/7 without help. And finding help that you can depend on is not easy.
Before you make the decision to "take him out" you really need to know what you are getting into. If he is in MC, then he needs a lockdown facility. He was evaluated and found he cannot be on his own. Your profile says you work with Seniors in IL. Is an AL and/or MC associated with the IL. If so, check them out. Ask the staff what is it like caring for a person with a Dementia. And there are different kinds. Lewey Body effects the frontal lobe so those people tend to be aggressive.
As said, see if there is a secondary on the POA. If not, then you may need to get guardianship. I would consult with a lawyer. Hopefully, you can have him transferred closer to you. But remember, he has a wife. If the stroke has not effected her cognitively, she still holds the POA and only guardianship can override it. Also, as his wife she has rights to 50% of their assets.
If the expectation was for her to keep caring for your father at home, then she obviously knew she could no longer keep doing it, and made a very wise choice to put him in a nursing home where he can be cared for24/7. If she hadn't done that, then you, not being a POA for either of them, would now have to figure out what to do for a father who had dementia and a step mom who had a stroke.
By tthe way, who is caring for step mom now?
Dementia is a very difficult disease. Maybe find a better facility that would be a better fit.
All the best