Our stepmother dropped our Dad off at a nursing home a few weeks ago without his knowledge or will. She told him that he was there for a P.T. appointment. He wants to have any and all care in his own home but, stepmother doesn't want him home? He still has his wits but, does need in home care to assist in his day to day path. Any advice would be appreciated?
Often people who are in NHs speak of how they don't need to be there and they want to go home. The problem is that they usually need more care than someone on the outside can give. They need help with toileting, mobility, and other things. A family caregiver can end up working 24/7, ruining their own life and potentially endangering their health. Helping someone get up from bed or changing their protective undergarments is a larger chore than most can imagine, particularly if the person is an adult male or heavy female.
Talk to your stepmother about the condition of your father. Chances are high that he is where he can receive the best care. Listening to him alone will only give the view of how he wishes it could be. Someone who was with him all the time will have a more realistic view. Your words about how he needs in-home care to assist with his daily activities says a lot. I have a feeling your stepmother may have done what was best for everyone involved. I would say to give your father a chance to adjust to his fairly new circumstance.
I have to add that 24/7 professional care outside a NH cost more than most people can afford and turns the residence into a care facility.
As mentioned in the above postings, a person needs to be assessed to be sure they are a candidate for a nursing home. Sounds like your Dad was, as there does come a time when it does take a village of professionals to help care for a person.
If you father has his wits about him and doesn't have a guardian, then he can sign himself out of the nursing home. If he also owns the home, then your stepmother has no say in whether or not he goes home. If he wants to arrange home care, the nursing home or local area of the aging can help.
If he has his wits about him and doesn't have a guardian, then he can sign himself out at any time.
After 2 years of 24/7, I am beginning to have burnout myself and am trying to take steps to make 'dad' do what he is able to do instead of me being 'on-call' all the time. A NH is NOT an option that I would undertake lightly. I will tend him at home as long as the Good Lord gives me breath in my lungs.
Now, I don't agree with dumping your father at a NH without discussing it first but I don't live with any of you and I can tell you from experience, people tend to only hear what they want to hear. I have been trying to tell his kids since Christmas 2015 about dad's failing health but I get NO response from anyone. People are very busy with their own lives. He gets one call every Saturday for maybe 10 minutes - that is all the input he gets from his kids. 24 hours x 7 days = 168 hours.
So, my question for you today is, what have you done to help your father? What kind of assistance have you offered to your stepmother to care and tend for your father? Do you sit with him so she can get out of the house for even just a couple of hours? I have been cutting my own hair for years because I couldn't leave my DH alone and there is no one I can call on.
While I agree that what was done to your father is harsh - but stepmom certainly got your attention! But it looks like it took several weeks for it to sink in with you.
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