Stepdad is food hoarding, any suggestions?

Question

Stepdad is food hoarding, any suggestions?

Follow

Share

I am a middle aged adult taking care of my Mom, 80, with history of cancer and recent stroke, and her husband, 86, who is relatively healthy but with mild cognitive dementia. He still is able to drive without difficulty and is quite independent.

Normally I do most of the grocery shopping and cook lunch for all of us. Mom has a light snack in the evening and my stepdad prepares an evening meal for himself, usually frozen dinners that he enjoys.

Despite my offering to do all of the grocery shopping, especially with Covid, My stepdad insists on going out and getting groceries for himself periodically.

The other night he came back with about 50 bags of groceries; more than we had room for or will be able to eat before they go bad. I have gone through my parents pantry in the past and found things that expired in 2013, but were still in there. He gets upset when we throw expired food out, saying it’s “perfectly fine”, yet has made himself sick in the past by eating old food.

I try to go through the fridge and pantry for clean outs on days when he’s out for medical appointments, but how do I stop him from bringing these things home in the first place, short of hiding his car keys?

At first I would get exasperated, but now I realize that it’s part of dementia. He’s always been a bit of a hoarder, but the food hoarding seems to be getting worse. Any suggestions?

Alzheimer's & Dementia Dementia Behaviors Hoarding

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

29 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First

My dad started losing short term memory in his late 70s. At 80 he still drove just fine, wasn’t getting lost but got addicted to his Sams Club trips. The house and garage were full , and I mean to the rafters full, of paper and cleaning products.

There was no arguing with him about it. So I’d call my nephews, they’d back up to the garage and I’d load Em up.

Eventually I had to end the driving and that was no fun. I had already gotten rid of his charge cards. They seem to have gotten lost.

When I finally got my folks in care I cleaned out the house and sold it. That was 2017. I’m still using dads trash bags, dishwashing liquid and other stuff. I may have to buy some cleaner in a year or two.

Helpful Answer (9)

Report

Me too! I won’t need to buy salt, baking soda, waxed paper or foil for years.

(0)

Report

Offer to put the groceries away for him. Get the receipt and immediately return what is possible to take back, if at all.

Put out many varieties of late night snacks, in case he is feeling deprived.

Freeze, or cook and freeze anything that you can do that with.

Serve lots of the fresh stuff, not opening any cans until gone.
Cook vegetable that will spoil, then freeze in zip lock baggies.
Make a huge pot of stew, then put in small portions and freeze.

Do not shop yourself until the food Dad brought home is used up.
Thank him for the extra food.

Next time, go with him?

Helpful Answer (8)

Report

If he has dementia, he shouldn't be shopping OR driving. Take the car keys away. A man who brings home 50 bags of groceries at one time should probably not be behind the wheel of a 2,000 pound vehicle. Imagine the choices he could make there. Hoarding food is a serious health and financial risk to your parents. Would talking to his doctor have any effect on his behavior? Does he respect and remember his doctor's advice? If so, it might be helpful to make a phone appointment (or 2 - an earlier one in which you explain the problem, and one with your father where the doctor explains that hoarding causes more problems than it solves).

Helpful Answer (8)

Report

Mu cousin did the same thing but no dementia, just normal aging. When she was hospitalized , I checked her fridge and cupboards. The food in the fridge was expired, cupboards were full and most canned goods expired. She had nuts for about two years. My niece and I threw out everything it took us at least 8 hours. Talked to the manager and told her to check on her periodically, otherwise she will eventually have a infestation problem, she was happy I told her. Hired a cleaning lad, she also shops for her, cancelled her meals on wheels for awhile. She had meals on wheels 3 times per day. She had at least 20 in the freezer and ten in the fridge all expired. Told her if she continued she will have to move to assisted living. I am her medical POA. She is doing much better, I call her cleaning lady occasionally and she updates me. I used to make a surprise visit and check on her but with Covid, no visitors allowed. Be firm and insist on doing the shopping. He should not be doing the shopping, too risky with our current situation. I do the shopping for all of us. Hope things get better.

Helpful Answer (7)

Report

You're right, he shouldn't be doing any shopping. I've explained that to him, but I can't stop a grown man from doing what he wants to do. Initially he was fine with only me going out, but as things have gone on, he has started going more and more.

I think I'll just continue doing clandestine clean outs.

(3)

Report

See 3 more replies

If possible return what can be returned.
Is he using cash or charge card for his shopping? If charging have you checked statements to see if he is doing other spending that may put them in financial trouble? Are bills being paid properly?
If he is using cash...should he be walking around with that much cash on him...
If he is using a credit card can you put a limit on the card?
Do they have someone named as POA for financial and health decisions?
It sounds like your s-dad should not be shopping by himself.
I also wonder about the driving...usually by the time "we" recognize that there is some form of dementia the cognitive ability is such that decision making capabilities and things like driving should be reevaluated.
Again..return what you can, give away (donate) what can not be returned or used before it spoils.

Helpful Answer (7)

Report

Hello and good luck with this pervasive and costly habit. It's a little help to realize that outdated canned goods are okay as long as they do not leak or bulge; the dry goods like pasta or cereal will get bugs quicker than scat! Weevils and Indian moths love that stuff and eat right through plastic to reach it. What I've done with Spouse is to rearrange groceries to leave the newest purchases within easy sight and take away items from the bottom of the pile, to be given away or discarded. He forgets what he bought last month, but remembers what he bought this week and may search for it.

If your garbage gets too full, dry goods may go into the green waste bin and their packaging into recycling, at least that's the way our garbage company sorts things.

Also, refrigerator shelves must look full to a hoarder's way of thinking, so I array a solid line of items at the front of each rack and take away things from the back as I reshuffle them. It's time-consuming but I hope this strategy works for you, too. Eliminating all items at once leads to "what happened to my stuff, what did you do with it," and nobody needs that sort of day.

Helpful Answer (7)

Report

Nice strategies! Folks, this is how it's done - with creativity and love. ❤️❤️❤️

(6)

Report

I hope you have discovered the secret of stocking your shelves with the newest canned or box foods in the back or on the bottom. The older items on top or in front.
Try not to just throw the foods in the cabinet then shut the doors. It will make life much easier if sorted.
I only have me to feed now, so I guess I have twice as much food as before.
Same with toilet paper and paper towels. I feel I am pretty well stocked but not over stocked.
I have pretty much had this attitude since that storm in '52 or '53.
We were the only ones with lights, gas, and refrigeration.
Coal oil lamps, bottle gas for the cook stove, and kerosene refrigerator. The Landlord had nothing.
A typhoon in '76 left us with out power for over two weeks. Had to cook on a little hibatchi pot in the back yard. No hot water. Bathed and shaved with cold water. House was all electric. Food spoiled if not eaten right away.
Charcoal was home made and cost $5.00 a pound. shared the pot with the neighbor. We made it though.
Now this covid thing. I am doing good through it.
the worst to happen to me is my drivers license expired and I had to wait two months to get an appointment to renew it.
Stocking up is okay, hoarding must be watched.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

Yes, "F.I.F.O." (first in, first out) is an excellent policy--it's what the stores themselves follow.

(2)

Report

See 1 more reply

Good luck. My Dad is 91 and has hoarded food and vitamins for a long time. My step Mum was able to keep him in check, but that ended 5 years ago and the hoarding has escalated.

Luckily most the hoard are foods with long shelf lives, but I recently threw out a bag of apples from last year.

Dad’s hoarding has escalated due to Covid and conspiracy podcasts he listens to. He is convinced he must stock up on food to save the family. He also wants to expand the veggie garden again.

I have tossed out medicines and vitamins with best before dates of 1996, 2002 etc. I donated 40 pounds of rice and 25 pounds of split peas to a local food program.

The only thing slowing down the shopping is Dad is no longer going to stores due to Covid. My brother is doing the weekly shopping for him and limits contributions to the hoard.

Sorry I have no solutions for you. One suggestion, if your stepdad is bringing home perishable foods, donate them to your local food bank.

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

Tothill,
Bless your dads heart. Good idea about donating.

(4)

Report

See 2 more replies

My father used to do the same thing. He would have 150 cans of chicken noodle soup in the closet and of mostly things he liked. I could never stop him from doing this. I made a list if things he DIDN'T need, and he got very offended, refused to take the list, and walked out in a huff. Sigh.....

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

Hoarding not only of food but also other items is very common. I think part of it may be learned behavior from when they were younger, living thru depression recovery era, rationing during WWII, single family earners. MIL always said "ya gotta get it while you can " I tried to limit how many body washes and packages of pantyliners to no avail, even showing them how many they have doesn't seem to work. Had a great aunt that was a food hoarder unknown to the family until she needed to move in with my parents. We sorted, tossed out expired canned items, boxed up the rest of the canned goods and donated to a local food pantry, they made 3 trips with their panel van. I cleaned out a refrigerator that was only a year old, she had burned out the compressor by cramming so much stuff in there the doors wouldn't shut, removed 7 large black garbage bags of rotting food and my appetite, not a pretty site or smell. She lived an hour away, would meet us outside when we came to pick her up for visits to our home, didn't want us too far in the house, her living areas were impeccably neat and clean so what you could see seemed to be fine. She tried to do the same at my parents house, we would make an inventory list of what we had in stock, no auntie, we still have xyz, we don't need that right now, but we do need ABC, let's go look for that. It helped to save arguments. Could you use the excuse that you need to run to the store do they need anything. Bring bags in with canned goods smuggled out of their house so he thinks he's stocking up on stuff? It worked with the body wash and shampoo.

Stepdad is food hoarding, any suggestions?

29 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions