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My mom is in a convescent hospital, and my stepfather is refusing ALL care for her. I believe she has another UTI and will die without the proper medication. Do I have any rights to overstep his direction and get the medical care she needs?
I don't know how she can be in a hospital or rehab facility and not be receiving any treatment. Are you in the US? Generally insurance won't pay for hospitalization or rehab if no treatment is being given. At that point some other arrangements would have to be made, such as hospice care.
It would be helpful to know how old your mother is, how advanced her dementia is, where you are, why her husband does not want her treated, and whether she is on hospice care. Unless you have a document giving you legal authority to act on her behalf I doubt you can override her husband's directions. But if we knew more about the situation, perhaps we could provide more specific responses.
I am so sorry that you are in this very difficult situation.
A DNR is just that, if they are in a life threatening condition, dying, they do not want life support and such. However, it does not mean to not treat normal ailments such as a UTI.
Spouses do supercede children and any other relative. The importance of having an Advanced Directive cannot be stressed enough. A DNR , on the other hand, is a carefully-worded document that includes ONLY the provisions that a patient may request if certain medical conditions are apparent.
If you are not the Health Care Proxy then you have no legal right to override his decision. Can you provide more background? Is your mom in the advanced stages of ALZ? Who is HCP? Does she have a living will and DNR order?
My mother's facility would test for, and treat, a UTI, even with a DNR. If you can't discuss this with your stepfather, speak to the head nurse on the floor to find out if they have done a urine sample. She/he may not be able to discuss specifics (if you are not HCP) but may be able to give you reassurance that it's not something as simple as a UTI. My mother has a DNR order and has made it plain she is ready to leave this earth. But I would certainly want a UTI treated.
Always some difficult questions here. I would approach the physician and have him intervene. Physicians always seem to help with answers to some form of treatment and I think if she has a UTI she would be experiencing some sort of discomfort. How could anyone not treat discomfort? Talk with the physician alone, tell him your concerns. He should able to do something or convince somebody to do something. If that doesn't work pound away at the spouse until your asked to leave. If typical stepfather and stepdaughter relationship exists this maybe right up your alley. Go for it, it could be your chance to get additional visuals of who he really is.
You don't have any right to overrule your stepfather's instructions, necessarily, but you have a perfect right to express your concerns to your mother's primary physician (her attending at the convalescent hospital). You won't necessarily get much of a reply, but at least you'll have tried.
Treatment has to have a point. What is the point of treating one infection only for your mother to succumb to a worse one shortly after? I'm sorry if this seems cruel, but please do remember to take her deteriorating quality of life into account. Treating her may not be in her best interest, and if her physicians didn't agree with your stepfather they certainly would have the authority to raise the alarm.
No. Spouses supersede any children. Your mother may have a DNR (do not resuscitate) for her medical directives and those are her wishes. You will have to honor them.
Your mom has dementia, according to your profile. Is your stepfather her primary caregiver? Is he worn out? Does he have medical poa? Perhaps she has expressed to him, in the past, that she no longer wanted to live with dementia, that she WANTED treatment withheld at some point. It's an easier conversation to have with a spouse than with a beloved child.
First of all, why is he denying her treatment? Does he want her to die? Sorry about the bluntness, but that;s just not right. How old is your mother? My stepdad would not let us have a say in my mom's care, either when she was very ill with diverticulitis and depression. IMO it was a control thing with him.
Did she have any advance directives? A living will of some sort? Judges are far more likely to side with a husband or wife, unless you have a Health Care Proxy.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It would be helpful to know how old your mother is, how advanced her dementia is, where you are, why her husband does not want her treated, and whether she is on hospice care. Unless you have a document giving you legal authority to act on her behalf I doubt you can override her husband's directions. But if we knew more about the situation, perhaps we could provide more specific responses.
I am so sorry that you are in this very difficult situation.
My mother's facility would test for, and treat, a UTI, even with a DNR. If you can't discuss this with your stepfather, speak to the head nurse on the floor to find out if they have done a urine sample. She/he may not be able to discuss specifics (if you are not HCP) but may be able to give you reassurance that it's not something as simple as a UTI. My mother has a DNR order and has made it plain she is ready to leave this earth. But I would certainly want a UTI treated.
Treatment has to have a point. What is the point of treating one infection only for your mother to succumb to a worse one shortly after? I'm sorry if this seems cruel, but please do remember to take her deteriorating quality of life into account. Treating her may not be in her best interest, and if her physicians didn't agree with your stepfather they certainly would have the authority to raise the alarm.