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I just read the other messages that come in and, learning more about your sister's history, agree with them. You need a big gun on your side to keep your sister from doing anything crazy.
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What a mess, emjo. It would be nice if you and your sister could work together, instead of against each other. I can understand, reading what you wrote, why some POA/guardians prevent certain family members from visiting. I hope it doesn't come to that. Your mother is probably not stable mentally enough to deal with, so it seems the best thing to do would be to deal with the sister, working toward the best interest of your mother. I know that is easier to write than it is to do. Do you have the equivalent of a guardian in Canada? If you had guardianship, it would override any whims of your mother and sister. As it is, it sounds like you have some bumpy months ahead. Having your mother evaluated and stabilized sounds like a good first step. Now if only you could get your sister on board, instead of working against you. It sounds like your mother is in a good place.
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veronica - thanks - I agree that money is the driving issue here. I am a peacemaker by nature but that isn't working, so I need to take a stronger stance. If mother ends up in a psych ward because her paranoia has been made worse, I may have to try to limit my sister's access to her as well. This is not something I would attempt to do lightly. I have told her ALF not to accept mother's notice without my permission and to let me know if she submits it again,

I will contact the lawyer and ask what can be done to ensure that sis does not move mother.

thanks
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Thanks Jeanne - I tend to move slowly and carefully. I am glad to have the feedback that you do not see this as moving quickly. I have kept the lawyer informed of what is happening but not asked for her help re sis yet. I was considering dropping POA etc due to the stress it causes me, but, in all conscience, after seeing how my sis deals with people I can't. If it was simply a matter of moving mother, I might agree, but sis alienating the staff is another thing and inflaming mother's paranoia is worse yet. Sis agrees with every paranoid fantasy mother has. Mother needs the staff on her side When I called the director of the facility and introduced myself as the sane member of the family, he cracked up and I could sense the relief in him and others as I spoke to them after sis's visit, and was supportive of them.
My sis took her own children to court and won family money from them that they had inherited from their aunt; I think that makes it pretty clear where she is coming from. Her son from whom she was estranged, has told me that my sister has planned for years to get all the inheritance from our mother. So, yes, I believe that $$$s are the concern. She has plenty of money. I don't understand it. I would not be surprised to see sis bring a law suit against me charging me of failing to do my job and wanting to take over. That would give her control of mother's money, treatment etc. Re the cost of the ALF, mother, in her saner moments, is not concerned about it and accepts the reassurance of her financial advisor that she can afford it, but in her less sane moments uses, I believe, the cost of the ALF to complain and accuse. At these times her paranoia is out of control and I see sis using that for her own ends.
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Absolutely agree with Jeannie. Bring in the big guns yesterday. tell the ALF to call you immediately if sis turns up and call the police if necessary if she tries to move Mom without your consent.
I always say follow the money and my guess that is the motivation here too
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Resort to using the lawyer. I would not call this "quickly."

I am so sorry that you are having this problem. Your mother is not concerned about the cost of care center -- is your sister? Is her goal to preserve money for inheritance?
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