My mom just passed away on Xmas at the age of 71. She had rheumatoid arthritis for most of my life, diagnosed after I was born. I’m 37. I was her unofficial caregiver and it took it’s toll on me. I moved out in 2012 but after a 3 year fight and losing succession rights to my dad after he passed away suddenly, I reluctantly moved back home to live with my mom again in fall of 2016. A year later after being drained of trying to take care of her with boundaries and seeing that she was doing the bare minimum I also discovered my mom was a narcissist which helped explain why everything I tried to help her help herself never worked, so I ceased all caring for her except general up keep of her house while I prepared to move out and finally did two months ago. Just as I was finally settling in, in true narcissist fashion, she passed away of all days on Xmas day. So now I’m spending the start of my new year clearing out her apartment and wrapping up her affairs.
I never wanted to be put back on her lease of a city housing project building cause at first I didn’t want them to raise her rent and second I had zero desire to live there because as much as the apartment was nice I hated living in a city housing project building cause of all the negatives that go with it. I’m a performer, hated working 9-5 jobs which I worked at for 4 soul crushing years, until I decided to go back to school to finally graduate in 2011 with a degree in communication arts. Upon graduation I worked front desk for a pole dance studio which I loved but unfortunately pay was bad and management made it a toxic environment to the point where I stopped wanting to work for people and decided to take the plunge and pursue my acting and burlesque aspirations. So since 2016 I’ve been working performing Burlesque and occasional acting gigs. My current living situation with roommate was seemingly working out, sharing my friend’s 1 bedroom apartment where a space of her living room is sectioned off. But she’s very flaky which I was aware of and initially before moving in her plan was to move out by the new year to go back to California to pursue her acting aspirations cause she was frustrated with progress here in NYC. I finally let her know about my mom’s passing the Saturday before the new year and then she drops the bomb on me after I inquired about her plans for moving back to Cali, to which I would’ve either needed to find a roommate to help pay for the place cause I couldn’t afford right now to pay for on my own, but now she’s thinking her having me move into her 1 bedroom was a mistake cause “I have too much stuff”. She’s decided to stay in NYC cause she didn’t really like living in California and is giving me til March/April to move out cause she’s also thinking about giving up her lease.
I’m upset with her and once I move out of her place, she is downgraded to maybe acquaintance, but now with no real good prospects of living, I’m only considering moving back into my mom’s place cause I really can’t afford anywhere else right now. My burlesque gigs are getting me by until I find supplemental income. But now with me not on my mom’s lease I’m scared they will force me out of my mom’s place. I plan to contact legal services to find out my options before informing management of my mom’s passing to give me some time to not only clear out my mom’s apartment but to figure out what to do for myself.
Any helpful suggestions will be appreciated.
sorry that you are going through all of this and the same time you are dealing with this loss. It all takes such a toll.
i think talking with a local social services to get qualified for an apartment of your own makes sense. But, I understand there is a long waiting list. Perhaps a legal aide can help you get through the bureaucracy.