My mom has dementia and I am now caring for her in my home. She thinks pictures of people are real and waves at them. Sometimes she talks to them. Magazines at the stores are a nightmare. She does this to billboard pictures, photographs, pictures of people in stores. I saw her looking at a magazine and I told her they were not real just pictures of paper. She said how come they move, wave and wink at me. She cut out a picture of a man in the magazine and carried it everywhere and talked all the time to him. She thinks tv people are real and they can see her and that she knows all of them and they know her. Its just so weird. We go to a store that has large pictures of people painted on the walls and she waves and talks to them and calls them her friends and wants to go and see them all the time. Needless to say I don't want to go there because of her waving. She thinks that people are stealing her clothes and counts her money in her wallet several times a day. Always saying those people keep taking my things. I just ignore her when she says this or say no people mom. My mom has just been started on Namenda and Im not sure if it will work or not. It started with my mom seeing people in trees. I would say mom no people in trees and she would say I have good eyes, whats wrong with your eyes. She makes me laugh sometimes. Any comments would be nice!
Please be patient with your mom, and save your breath on trying to reason her out of what she knows. Enter her world ... she can no longer fully join you in yours.
If seeing those "friends" on the wall in the store is pleasant for her, I think I'd take her there often. So what if she waves and talks to them? It is no reflection on you, and anyone happening to notice will quickly catch on that there is something not quite right about this woman, but she seems to be having a good time.
The less pleasant delusions are a little harder to deal with. "Well, Mom, I really think the money was misplaced and that no one stole it from you, but if it makes you feel safer, let's put it right here on your bed."
Your mother's behavior is very common among persons with dementia.
I am glad that your mother is not afraid of the pictures. I know it is embarrassing for you when you are in public. I don't know if there is any way that you can change the way she feels, just as I know there is no way I have been able to talk sense into myself. In your shoes I would either avoid the places with pictures or just learn to grin and shrug if anyone notices the antics. Most people would probably realize something was different with your mother and would not judge harshly. Debb gave such good advice that I don't think I could add anything to it.
Yup. That is a good insight.
This may take some time, but I think if you work on it you will be able to let the embarrassment go. Growing a thicker skin is a real asset when you are caregiving!
First of all, this is not your behavior -- it is hers. She is the one who is doing something "crazy," not you.
Secondly, realize that she is doing something "crazy" because she is crazy. That is, she has a legitimate reason for her behavior. She can't help herself. You really must accept that and embrace the concept. The more you are in denial, the more embarrassed you'll be.
In the third place, you have no responsibility for her behavior. This isn't like being the parent of a child who is out of control, where people may look at you and think, "why isn't she doing something ?!" People who notice your mother waving at pictures are more likely to look at you and think, "Isn't it nice that she's giving that poor old lady an outing?"
And finally, why is what strangers might think more important than being kind to your own mother? If you run into people in the store who know you from church or work or committees you've been on, they know the situation and understand your mom can't help this. And if there are strangers who are judgmental, that is their problem. Why should you care that someone you may never see again is appalled by your mother talking to magazines?
Good luck!
My mom recently had her Aricept increased to it's maximum dosage and we'll get to enjoy that for a while. Her Nemenda has been at its maximum for some time now. She won't be receiving anything more to help with her dementia after this. She will only get worse now after the "happy period" is over. How long will that take? No one can say. Do I know what to expect from my mom in the future? Not really. It all still feels like an adventure that neither she or I would like to be on. Is it all sad and heartbreaking? Oh yeah. I broke down and started crying when the doctor told me that this last dose increase was it. It was like a big smack in the face by reality. Is it still embarrassing when I take my mom out? Nope, hasn't been for some time now. Hugs and good luck to you.
Love the little bears up the pants. That is a class, Kathy.
Some people want to know exactly what they have and want detailed information about it (especially in the early stage). Other people find denial their most useful coping mechanism. I think your mother has made her position pretty clear. She doesn't want to know. I'd respect that. When she does have a moment of acceptance (saying she knows her memory has been going) use that opportunity to provide reassurance. "Mom, many other people have this memory disease, too, so doctors have some ideas for how to deal with it. I'll always make sure you get the best care possible, and I'll never abandon you. I love you, Mom, and will always love you, even if your memory problems get worse."
Also, PLEASE avoid promising her that you'll never put her in a nursing home. Never is a long time and none of us can know what the future will bring. Instead promise you'll see that she has the best care possible and that you won't abandon her. If the time ever comes when a care center is how to get her the best care at least you won't be stressed out or limited by a well-meant but poorly chosen promise.
At one point, my grandmother devoutly believed that her great-grandkids' photos were real children. But ... she could not remember her actual great-grandkids -- or me. Despite that, she was unfailingly polite when I called. :(
She also believed that the pic of William Shatner on a cover of TV Guide was actually him, and that he was napping on the couch. And she'd never been a Star Trek fan! Yeah, some twisted part of me treasures that particular memory, and finds it adorable.