The system goes after so called "dead beat Dads" for child support, can the same system go after financially well off "blood line"?

Sheila, that's quite a testimonial to your recognition of a family's choices, the fact that their decisions are their decisions and you're not responsible for them, but it also reflects on your personal strength in graciously accepting the situation and continuing to support this family. It's also a testimonial to the supportive nature of the folks on this forum.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

A follow up and closure, a whole lot of THANK YOU'S to all of you on this site who has given me a new perspective through fresh eyes a better understanding and lifted a heaviness off my heart! My neighbor and his family has made their choices long before I ever came into the picture and though he has aged I know that he and his family have already made their plans in a way that they have agreed on and happy with their decisions, I can trust and believe that his family do and will always watch over him even from a distance, and I feel good again and can appreciate my part of being friends with my neighbor, being free to help when I can, with what I can, the little things that any friend would do for another. I had turned my blessing to a curse with my own "stinkin thinkin", but thanks to ALL of you here on this site my curse has been turned back into a blessing again, and today I am so grateful and privileged for the opportunity to partake in this most AWESOME network of such wonderful caring peoples on this site... Thank You ALL so MUCH!...

Thank you jeannegibbs, I see your point, and Lord knows we already have enough laws to worry about. Yes I am aware of deadbeat Moms as well. My two youngest received 25.00 to 35.00 a month for child support payments not each but total for both. They go by the amount of income to determine amount of payment, or at least it was back then, and I was pretty grateful for it. 5 kids of my own all grown and families of their own and I would not want any one of them to have to be forced to do anything for me. LOL my youngest 22 out living his life, and I thinking I get my life back to whatever and suddenly there were grandkids and a big neighbor baby... I guess I just got a bit overwhelmed and his daughters know I wouldn't have it in me to turn my back on him especially me knowing the condition he is in. His family used to make it a point visit him 2 maybe 3 time a year then it got to for sure once a year on his birthday, and this year (April) they didn't, and if they are thinking that he is not in there anymore, well they are wrong, he knew (they and his home back in Tx. on the panhandle) is pretty much all he talks about) and I am the one who sees and deals with his heart, the one Most thing he has left to look forward to once a year and no one showed up but me and I really don't count and I guess that is true, he has me all the time. (LOL my own Cinderella story, they come visit oh joy the precious daughters... lol) His daughters and family are good people I guess from what I know or knew of them and I guess I can understand their side of the coin and I know that is a long drive. They let him be his own independent person as he Mr. W. is a very stubborn willful person who always held a position of authority in all his places of employment and in the home and so, is of course, not one to stand up to or confront and more than that, out of respect and the fact he just looks so fragile that you would hesitate to shake his hand because something might break. His daughter told me once to put my foot down with him, and I had thought, well, she could put her foot down as well, why me? Anyway he has his own I don't know, SSI? 1100 , 1400 , 1800, I truly don't know, but I do know he is in trouble with that, as far as him keeping up with taking care of his true expenses, writing checks that may or may not go through, placing orders with deliveries and such, I know for a fact he just wrote a check out for over 800 dollars for a repair on his pickup that didn't get repaired and had he let me help with that part of it but he refused me and told me again it was not my business! (I knew enough not to pay out that much money like that) at least that is what I am told when I see him and he is really worried about his bills to pay though and I am thinking, well what does he want me to do about it, its "none of my business" right? (to be honest here, in the beginning, I was hired help 10 years ago, housekeeping, yard, repairs and was paid as hired help, and remember I mentioned above he always had been a boss or supervisor of his years of employment! LOL let me tell you it is not easy working on something with a person like that who is right there to tell you every step of the way how to get it done even if it is just washing a dish! (You can ask his daughter, early last year she came to live with him and help him, she lasted not even 8 weeks with him before they blew up and she blew up and left, just like that, and on her way out, stopped by here, said she was going back to her home, threw down 150 on my table and told me "You take care of him even if I have to pay you myself") (a year now and haven't heard from her since.) then as time went on, the pay got less and less and the duties became more and more especially now, out of neighborly friendship rather than hired help; I see now where the payoff was in the thank you's or pats on the back, I see I was trying to score points maybe? (those are the times he reminds me, I get nothing, it all goes to his daughters as far as any of his things, that they don't even want, but I imagine his property, not to call home but most likely put up for sell, which breaks his heart, fine I tell him, I get it, I understand and ok with me, but I am the one still here and helping him and sometimes if I don't watch out he will take all his stuff out on me.) They (his daughters) do appreciate me reporting to them, especially the good days and all that I do for him, (and of course they would its not costing them and they don't have to.) anyway I tell his family he was getting into trouble financially, and just recently that he also needed urgent medical attention, and of course when it comes to financial matters or medical issues I am reminded and told it is none of my business, or not a family member (medical) and no place of authority... I suppose that, in it self could be a blessing in disguise and things are not always, as they appear to be. Wow! again, Thank You!, I so appreciate this time of sharing it really helps! I think anyway LOL. Their finances truly, are not my business and not my burden to bare, the one down the road, helped carry a load, just because we care... Aaaah, CAREGIVERS... GOD bless each and every one and let the records show... There IS Love even though... HAVE a most beautiful and rewarding day Ms. Jeannebiggs... (LOL a short version of a long story, ha-ha just occurred to me, I could write a book! )

sheliaj4u, it really sounds awful that the daughters won't/don't take more interest in and better care of their father. But before I'd judge I'd want to hear the entire history of their relationship. I have no idea what went on in their family as the girls grew up, or what has happened since. The daughters are doing what they choose to do. That is what you can do, too. You are a wonderful Good Samaritan to help out this person not related to you. Do that as much as you want to -- and not one iota more. If he needs more help than what you provide and his daughters are not stepping up to provide it, then get a public agency involved. As a society that is what we have set up for individuals in his position.

In the case of tracking down and requiring financial help from Deadbeat Dads (and, by the way, they do the same thing with Deadbeat Moms) the parent is being held accountable for providing for the child because that is the law and it is our social expectations. You have a child, you support it. (Notice that the law doesn't make you visit or have contact or to be a good influence, etc. -- just that you pay.) As a society we do not have the same expectations about children toward there parents. And what a tangled job it would be to enforce that. There are 7 children let's say. One of them is very wealthy, but through marriage -- it is really in in-law, not the child that has wealth. Number two is disabled. The third hasn't been heard from in years and was last known to be homeless in another city. The fourth has a very good income, and spends some of it on therapy. She says her brothers sexually abused her and her parent knew but did nothing about it. The other three struggle to make ends meet. One has a handicapped child. So ... who does the government go after for elder support? All 7 of them? Only the ones who exceed a certain income level? How about the one who wants nothing to do with a parent who abused her? I can't even begin to imagine how such a law would work.

In your situation, maybe these really are selfish deadbeat daughters. Maybe your neighbor is reaping what he planted. You are very kind to be concerned and help.

I personally would hate to see the government get involved in saying which child has to support their parent, and for how much.

Thank you debralee, I know that it wont be long before it would come to that, He does have a wonderful family, and calling aps would be so much on him and I know he would feel so lost and at his home most of the time is ok but is disoriented, he can get pretty mean and I would rather see him go in peace. He is just so stubborn and set in his ways... at this point I guess I am just waiting to see what will come first, daughters, aps or ambulance... I hope it will be his daughters, if they would be strong with him, I know he wants go back with them... Thanks for the encouragement and you be strong in health wealth and happiness...

You are a kind and considerate neighbor. If your neighbor needs assistance, call Adult Protective Services and see what help they may provide for your neighbor. APS rarely takes seniors out of their home unless they feel they are a danger to themselves. Most of the time they are they to assist the elderly in need of services.

Wow... ok thank you all, and to gardenartist, im not sure what you mean about "blood line" not having the same type of responsibilities. In my situation, my neighbor 92 or3 has family that are very well off, he has two daughters, my relationship with my 92 year old neighbor who lives alone began over ten years
ago through help with yard care as he has a double lot mobile home (that is falling apart, he wants to fix it back up but his two daughters say no) the relationship grew to more and more to wow, how did this become a full time responsibility for me as we are no relations, just a neighbor, yet somehow a fill in wife but with no gratuities, no authorities, (POA's and no say in any medical issues or financial matters or anything) I told his daughters of a recent condition he was in, I got scared and I even cussed them out to get over here and help him with his urgent situation and that I was not going over any more, (that lasted almost 3 weeks and It broke my heart knowing his condition) any way, they never showed up and I know it was because they chose not to. I have my own place, family and such and yes it does hurt that when urgent matters come up, medical, financial or otherwise and your told its none of your business or your not family you don't have any say so and yet the every day care somehow fell on me and I don't believe I owe then anything, we are after all, just neighbors and nothing more. Please I meant no offence with the term of "dead beat Dads" and I truly am sorry more so after realizing Fathers Day yesterday. That is the term used at the "child support services" and it is most unfortunate that there has to be such a system as that in place. I have looked at my situation differently lately and for me, I am the lucky to have a positive opportunity with or without his families support. I live outside limits of a very small remote town, little to no employment and so very grateful for the 180 of food stamps and that is all. At 53, that makes me to old for any youth programs or McDonalds or the family dollar store, but I am not old enough for any elder care either. I am doing ok and get by fairly well self employed. It does bother me however, my neighbor suffering and I have this terrible feeling, they are just waiting for him to pass on... I was with my own Dad through his passing at 67 years old and my Mom 21/2 maybe three years later unexpectedly at age 65 years young not even five years yet among so many other overwhelming issues and after 10 close years of my neighbor friend, It is very hard right now to see him like this... I did bring this question up for good hearted caregivers who need a little help so they can help and I hope blessings for you. I do not begrudge his families wealth and respect the fact of years of hard work and such, Many others have as well but unfortunate things can wipe out everything in a blinking of an eye... Best wishes and HUGS... and Thank You...

There are a lot of issues with your question, but for one answer: Fathers help create the little ones that need support. They have a responsibility for their creations. The "blood line" doesn't have the same type of responsibility - they're siblings or other family relatives.

I'm not saying siblings are excused for responsibility, just that they're related in a different way, making their responsibilities different as well.

Granted, it's ideal if siblings helped, but some aren't cut out for caregiving, some aren't willing, some aren't caring.

Deadbeat dads have been shirking their responsibilities for decades. Caregiving for elderly parents has probably been taking place for as long if not longer, but hasn't gotten the publicity it has more recently, especially since tv programs and the Internet have leveraged the ability of the care industry to publicize their services, and since Baby Boomers and Millenials have refocused their lives to provide for their elders and are making public their personal lives.

I've read that Chinese women were expected to care for their husband's elderly parents - that was just a given. It's probably changed a lot now that China has moved from those old traditional ways.

And if you want legislation to go after more wealthy family members, you'll have to wait until legislators are faced with similar situations.

How about the system going after dead beat blood relatives of able bodied adult people on welfare that use government assistance for housing, food, medical care and anything else they think they are entitled to??? What about dead beat mothers for child support? Why not eliminate all government assistance and make the families responsible for their own and if there is no family, ship the indigent off to poor farms! I believe in government assistance for those who need it the most; needy children, the disabled, and the elderly. What angers me the most is abled bodied adults living off the system because they are too lazy to work or the illegal aliens coming into this country utilizing our financial resources that should be used for its own citizens.

Thank you Pamstegman, I appreciate the response however It was just a thought question in general as I see many caregivers looking into how to get paid and it occurred to me the difference or possibility of "elderly child support" in a system similar to that as "child support". It is a sad thing but true when there are elderly left behind while their kids hold the POA and yet ... have a most beautiful day...

Little note please and thank you, a reminder, "not all things are as they appear to be"... And, A challenge to search your heart for right motives. It is written "parents, lay up for their children" So the question here is, "do you throw money up to the heavens to see what GOD keeps and accept what ever may be left over? or Do we accept the Manna, that is provided each day, one day at a time...? Thank you so much, I am sure you see by now, this is right where I am at with my struggles as well... That is why I get so frustrated, cause right now, my elderlies family have this over me and as much as I want to run and get out, paid or not, I see this person, old, tired, in and out of awareness, and pretty much alone and there it is, just cause it is the RIGHT thing to do no matter who's parent it is, and just as much, if my child was out there somewhere so far from me, I hope someone would be there for them as well... Thanks again so much as this sure comes right back in my own ears...

New Mexico is not a "filial responsibility" state that I know of. So you next best answer is Medicaid or VA (if a veteran) or county senior services office.