My father is 90 and in good physical health. He has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. He does not believe the diagnosis & has stopped all his meds. His doctor has written a note that he should no longer drive dur to poor memory & poor judgement. How do my brothers & I start the discussion of taking away the keys & the car?
You can phone the DMV and ask that they send him a letter to come in for a driver's test. Some states are quite good about this. Did his doctor send a note to the DMV? If not, ask him to.
It's never going to be easy to get someone to quit driving, particularly after the cognitive abilities are compromised by AD. Expect problems, and if the situation is too bad you may have to take away the car. I feel horrible for you - but you have lots of company. Please let us know how it goes.
Carol
Your father is living with you, so it will be a bit easier, but truly sad and none of us have been able to accomplish this easily. With my MIL - we had the doctor put it in writing - she still didn't care - so, we disabled her car, took keys away. Then had doctor notified the DMV that she is no longer able to drive. Letter arrived revoking her license and then they sent her a new identification card.
My father had to stop driving and due to the sweet, wonderful person he was, he obliged and it was so sad; but even though he had dementia, he knew it had to be done. He didn't want to hurt anyone. And this was from a man with a narcississtic wife who made his life hard beyond measure and driving was his only escape.
Too many innocent people have died from accidents involving the elderly; and I've known of one personally and it was devastating. Also, just last night, my husband came home shaken from doing an errand. And elderly couple went through a stop sign and he had to swerve onto the side of the road just in time for them not to plow right into him. So, I am quite adament about the elderly not driving. I was so patient with my MIL and drove her everywhere - she was never stranded and still there was hell to pay and I was constantly blamed. So, the personality of the elderly person has much to do with their reactions. I didn't care how she treated me, there was no way I or my husband were allowing her to put others in danger or herself. Hope your father is more compliant. My heart goes out to you and your father.
There is no way to make this easy or "satisfactory." But it still must be done. By all means, contact DMV. But many determined elders are not going to let a little thing like not having a valid license stop them from driving. Safest bet is to remove access to the keys, disable the car, or remove the car from the premises. If he is the only driver of that car, this might be the time to sell it or donate it.
He had no children, but had a nephew who looked out after him. What amazed me is he is a police officer. I would have thought he would take measures to help his uncle not drive. Some are afraid or reluctant to upset the elderly person they love. This is understandable, but that is why it is one of the hardest things to accomplish and you have to put personal feeling aside and do the right thing, no matter the consequences. Please let us know how things turn out. Blessings and take care.