I can afford outside help. She has demetia, is 92, takes no medication, is physically healthy, very cooperative and pleasant to be around. She is incontinent. The home she is in is better than most, but her care is just not the best. I am widowed and have room for her. I work from my home and sporatically outside the home, but she has enough income to pay for care when I cannot be here or if I want to go out. I am a very capable person and I have a way with her......I am moved by spirit to make her last years happier.
very important ...keep an eye on all meds now and in the future....if need be get second opinion if Mom really needs what is being advised AND what are the side effects sometimes worse than what the ailment is. It is a hard adjustment to most of the elderly so since your Mom is already there and functioning and seems to have adapted you may want to take a hard look at that. I know the heart wants to do something else but in the big picture are you qualified to take care of her or will it throw her into a tailspin to go home with you only to go back in the near future as it may become increasingly difficult to manage her disease
Being a good daughter to me is putting her needs first doing your best to be there for her and making her as comfortable as possible. If she was anything like my Mother, she never wanted to be a burden to her 3 daughters. We never looked at her like a burden cause we loved her so much but no matter what it is still difficult whichever decision is made....Have a good support system and it is great that you are using the resources from Aging Care.com. It really helps. God Bless You and your Mom on this journey.......
I have a client who is 92 yr.'s old & cares for her daughter who is 63 but cognitively is a 3 year old. I had to call her son in another state 2 days ago for the mom is showing signs of depression, weariness, not able to keep up with any of the paper work needed for care & has macular degeneration & needs a walker& is not as her son stated on the phone, "Sharpe as a tack":...The son is a physician, also in denial over the entire process. I had to totally let go of this case. With the son's denial & he is the POA, DPOA too, leaving these 2 woman alone in their home & not safe at all.
I will be calling Adult protective services today.
The younger woman is incontinent & wakes at night & has gone from bedroom to bedroom to sleep in other beds & has ruined all the new mattress in the home. The mom is so ready to toss in the towel. I have attempted , with the help of another, to have house repairs done & to get the piles of paper work completed, with out much success. the mom can't give enough information to fill out the 27 page form for her disabled daughter.
What I did was mail the form to the son, after he was not responsive to me on the phone, as well as other paper work.
I believe that Adult Protective services need to be involved.
I see these 2 woman as keeping each other alive but the daughter has stopped eating, smokes ALL THE TIME, it just is not safe.
One must take all of this kind of information into consideration when looking to care for someone. I also care for my husband who suffers from Solvent Dementia. What I do is a full time job. I have to keep my self centered.
I have to be hyper-vigilant. I have to come from a place of peace & love.
Easy words to speak but I live this.
I would adviser anyone considering to become a full time care give to think twice before making the move. It will all manifest as it should.
I pray a lot.
Blessings YOU ARE.
I do play the guitar a lot for my own sanity. I also PRAY a lot.
I feel very fortunate that my mother is kind, quiet, nice, compliant, and funny. Her dementia seems to get worse every day but her mood stays the same. Is it stressful anyway? yes, being "there and present" with her 24 hours a day is stressful just as taking care of a child can be. We are lucky she isn't a wanderer and that she doesn't sundown. Her two best friends live on either side of her (they don't have dementia) and she has her dog. So she is happy and so are we.
You have the best option of taking your 92 year old mother to live with you. She is physically healthy except for her dementia, but which can be taken care of even at home. You can hire caregivers 24/7, if needed to take care of your mother when you are not home yourself.
There are lots of disadvantages in putting an elderly loved one in a nursing home. I just lost my husband a month ago, who stayed in a nursing home mainly because I couldn't physically take care of him at our home. He was paralyzed on one side, unable to eat, unable to speak, unable to walk. If I knew at the time every single detail about the financial impact, and the policies of insurance companies on home care I would have taken my husband home even if he needed 24/7 care. Now I have learned a lot from all the deficiencies that I and my husband experienced from nursing home care. The state rules in Michigan and I think even with other states allow a ratio of 1:23, meaning one nurse assigned to 23 patients, and nursing assistants 1:12 or 1:15. With these statistics in mind, we don't even have to discuss the details of what is transpiring in every shift. But we could, and I can expound on every detail of it with you if you wish. The nurses are spread thin by the administrators and nursing managers. So how could these nurses even take care of patients with their undivided attention? Same thing with the CNAs, they are spread thin. They are expected to take care of so many patients, which is humanly impossible to do within a given shift especially depending on the physical condition of every patient or resident. And yet they are paid low wages for their physical jobs. Some nurses and CNAs are good, some are not. And those that are not just do their job for a paycheck. Those that are good may have a passion for that kind of caring, and you are lucky if you have them. In nursing homes, you will find yourself encountering issues with the nursing staff such as medication errors, delay, in fact too much delay in nursing care, for example, if a patient is incontinent, and needs to be changed, cleaned and made dry, this expectation will not happen as you want to see fit as needed by your mother for example, because they are always short-staffed. And this delay in taking care if incontinent patients lead to bed sores or skin breakdowns. You will also find good and bad characters or attitudes among nurses. There are nurses that will deliberately not give medications or will skip them because they have other ones to take care of. Or if they have to give a patient too many meds, they give the meds to the patient all at once in a lump sum. This is not good because meds can have drug interactions with each other. But this is the reality of things that transpire in a nursing home. It is not all bad, because nurses generally take care of them good, but these short-cuts are sometimes or even often inevitable for the nurses to not be behind in their medpass. So from this alone you can see neglect happening. And most of the times, patients in nursing home die due to neglect. They deteriorate faster because of this. Families who do not watch out about their loved ones' pharmacological regimen may be surprised one day, for example, why their mother or father all of a sudden became withdrawn and despondent. Families must watch that nurses are giving the right medication, on time, and the right dose, and the right route (oral, or tube feed, or injectable ). Families must watch out about the assessment skills of nurses. How do they assess your loved one? Also their clinical hands on skills. Also there must be direct and clear communication between nurse and their assistants. Families must know which skills the nurses can do and those skills that the CNAs can do to your loved one. People with dementia are particularly vulnerable in nursing homes because they are don't wholly cognitive of what is happening to them or around them. Therefore they are an easy prey for neglect and mistakes of these nurses. Whereas still home, you can best monitor these care. And you only have to deal with one or two people. There is no bureaucracy to deal with. I can go on and on .....on this with practical true-to-life examples because I was a witness to my husbands's care, and I am a retired hospital nurse myself. Pandora, you are on the right track to taking your mother home. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to share the realities in a nursing home vs. home care.
Each case is different. Be aware of your and your mother's needs. Be aware that her illness(es) are going to get worse, not better. Home care works for some but by no means for all of us.
Good luck.
You sound wonderful and so does your Mom!
Best Wishes
When you and your mother visit at the nh, does she sound like she wants to come home? It seems that family caregivers can be trained in the same way that CNAs can, with the various workshops on caregiving skills. Home is always the best place for families
She Loves to have her hand held and be hugged. When I ask her for a kiss she gives me one. Part of her is still in there......priceless! Follow your heart.
When I used to go the the NH everyday, my Mom was constantly asking me to take her home. She thought she was in a bad hotel. I finally decided to do so and it's been a nightmare. Every time she doesn't want to do something, she says 'put me in a nursing home'...I wish I could put her back.
My mom is in the middle of a multi-day profanity laced temper tantrum because she is being moved down the hall. She was screaming at the social worker and head nurse today, so much that they had to call me at work to inform me of the paperwork process they need to do for this behavior incident. Lord watch over her new roommate.
I found Linda Byce's blog today: Living Under House Arrest. It's the story of her caregiving at home for her husband who is a grown up infant due to brain damage after a heart attack. indabyce.blogspot/ It's a real hard look into the day to day impact of full time caregiving on her.
Having the ability to step away, sleep all night, eat a meal, take a shower, take a sick day have a value (to me) that far exceeds the price of nursing home care. My home is my sanctuary. It's where I recuperate and recharge for the next round of stress, worry, and difficulty. This emotional and physical shelter is how I cope.