I can afford outside help. She has demetia, is 92, takes no medication, is physically healthy, very cooperative and pleasant to be around. She is incontinent. The home she is in is better than most, but her care is just not the best. I am widowed and have room for her. I work from my home and sporatically outside the home, but she has enough income to pay for care when I cannot be here or if I want to go out. I am a very capable person and I have a way with her......I am moved by spirit to make her last years happier.
I also have to ask why is she in a nursing home? I always thought that it had to be medically necessary for a nursing home to admit them. What part of her care is considered medically necessary?
I vote no.
Pandoralou, I urge you to consult Emjo. Do not, in any circumstances, invite your mother over your threshold. Enjoy her all-new personality in the NH instead. God bless you for being such a loving daughter.
The money would help. And it's lovely that you have a special bond with your mother. But the thing is, that won't have prepared you for the 24/7, never off-duty, responsibility which in itself is a real strain, one that no one can relieve you of, ever; and with the only end to it being the one you want to avoid.
I think it's a big risk to take, for uncertain reward. What happens if you get ill? What happens if your lovely mother develops another condition which makes it impossible for you to manage her, even with help? What happens if exhaustion spoils your relationship with your mother?
If your mother were actively unhappy, or you were unhappy with the standard of care she's getting, it would be different. What are the aspects of her NH you think are not up to scratch? Do you have the kind of relationship with the home's management that would let you work with them to improve things?
I just read a question you answered from 2011 stating your Mom has narcissistic tendencies and you have been in counseling for years!
Why would you want to go back there? The NH obviously has her meds under control. Think this through!!
If you are at the NH to monitor her care then you'll see and hear everything..
Stay overnight at the NH for several nights and you'll realize that the professionals at the NH know what they are doing.
24/7 care if very demanding and I understand you are only 60 but she could live into her 100's and you'll also be aging.
after caregiving for both my parents 2 1/2 years, yes the answers given do point out the risks/negatives that can and do occur HOWEVER it is my humble opinion that you should follow your heart. Do it and give it your best for as long as you can. You may find it is a lifestyle change or it is a commitment that is more than you can handle. You can return her to her current situation if in time it has to go back to it. Then you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were open to the spirit and will make up your own mind...Just pray for the patience, courage and strength because each day will present it trials and tribulations. The love you have will be tested as you follow your heart however it sounds like you are ready to try and it may be a blessing for your mother and you to experience for a period together.. GraceofGod
I see what my boss is going through with his home caregivers for his wife, who has Alzheimer's, who is also very cooperative and pleasant to be around. There are days my boss can't come to work because the caregiver called out because her child was home sick from school, or she had a doctor's appointment, or her car won't start. And my boss rushing out the door of the office to be home in time to let the caregiver leave at 5:00 p.m. the end of her shift. It's really draining him.
I also thought I was a very capable person thinking when I was younger about having my parents live with me would be wonderful. Right now they are still independent in their own home, all I need to do is drive them, and I've been driving them for the past 5 years. My capability has now become resentment, frustration, and I am emotionally drained. It's become highly stressful, and I'm afraid my parents will outlive me. It's not a happy life.
So, you will need to weigh the pros and cons after reading other answers to your question.