My heart is broken as I have to put mom into a Nursing Home. We have 24/7 caregivers and the expense is too much now ( she lives with us). What do I tell my mom, who has Alzheimers, when I take her? I am just sick about the day arriving and know I will be a basket case, scared to death and feel like a traitor. The best mom in the world is going to hate me, I just know I will fall to pieces. I beg for answers and support for this journey.
I worked with geriatric patients in a locked memory unit for many years. What I can tell you to give you a little peace is that it is usually much harder for the family members than for the client. They may cry and ask to go home while you are there but when you leave they forget. Their lives are very small and limited and they really do live in the moment (even if they think it is 50 years ago!). Many times I would take crying family members into the nurses station to give them comfort because their loved ones would be crying and making a fuss. Truthfully when the family members leave they usually settle down and are on to the next activity of the unit. I know how difficult this must be for you but you have to give yourself a break. Now is the time you can have for your life again. Visit your Mom on a scheduled basis, bring her little goodies and do not start to cry. As mentioned above she will not understand. It is really all about her little existence right now. I miss my Mother terribly and she is still alive so I must accept that is how it is right now and move on with my life. Best of thoughts to you.... stay strong and loving.
I know your heart is aching. May I suggest visiting nursing home or joining a support group at your church or the nursing home to help you thru this difficult time and sorting out your feelings. They may give you some great support and advice on breaking the news and accepting your decision.
If mom has Alzheimer's; I don't know if you have to tell her if you know it will be traumatic. Maybe give her a couple days notice and reassure her you will be nearby and visit often. Try to make her new room as homey with her existing things as possible. Set up pictures, bedding quilts, lamps, etc so new room looks as close as possible to her existing room. Maybe they will let you bring in her favorite chair?
If you can accept this, then it will be a more positive experience for mom.
Prepare yourself by coming here for support whenever you need. Make sure you connect with others in your community who have walked this walk before.
It's a new phase for you and your family, albeit a difficult and sad one -- but necessary. Don't feel guilty and relish getting your privacy back, family time, lessened worries about moms care. She will be getting the skilled care she needs. Again visit often, try to pick up old friends of mom and visit her. Bring in take out, or some of your home cooked treats to her each week. Maybe take a picture of her favorite spot and have it blown up on a large canvas and hang it in her new room where she can see it.
Hugs to you during this difficult time. YOU are making the right and best decision.
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