My dh is going to visit his mom this weekend. Her short-term memory is non-existent. About 2 years ago I finally told her that her favorite grandson was gay. He was worried about her reaction and finally felt like it was time for her to know. Personally, I was getting tired of trying to explain why he didn't have a girlfriend. At that moment, she seemed to take it in stride but never said anything about it. Now, of course, she doesn't even remember that her grandchildren are adults. I was printing out some pictures to put in a book for her. My daughter got married in June and we have some of those. My son is getting married in a year and I would love to add some photos of him and his boyfriend. Has anyone else had to deal with this issue? I will say, since the dementia really kicked in, she can be VERY NASTY which is a complete 180 from what she once was. I know if she has a hissy fit, the only person to see it will be my husband. I guess I don't want anyone to get upset.
(I feel) creates a more difficult dynamic in presenting it to an already confused grandmother. A lie is never a good idea in any situation but not divulging certain information isn't a lie. That's just my personal point of view of course.
2.....what good would it do for her to know this information? The first is that her daughter, my only sister passed away 2 years ago unexpectedly and second, her first grandson is gay which is no biggie for me but who knows with her generation. In her younger better days she would have loved him to the end of the earth. All in all, I say don't tell her these things. It does no good. If she keeps asking why he doesn't have a girlfriend it's not because she's curious, it's because her brain is stuck on that and doesn't know what to ask next. Even if he visits with his "friend" she probably wouldn't get it anyway. Good Luck and God Bless....
I don't tell my mother everything..no point.
Gay lib has been around long enough for anyone living to be pretty accustomed to the idea by now, you know. We've come quite a distance from those times when the little old lady was overheard at the theatre replying to her friend's whisper about Rudolf Valentino: "a homowhat, dear?"
I spend considerably more time with my dad than my sons and my daughter (that's generally how it is in other families as well)
So I have a better understanding of my dad's triggers, emotions and risks than my grown children do and I will move hell and high water to keep things away from my dad that have the potential for disaster. If need be, his own grandchildren.