He is always right, in denial, blames everyone else, controlling and a retired high powered engineer (66). He has inherited cardiovascular disease controlled for 20 years, now type 2 diabetes after 15 years of high triglycerides, will not exercise, will not tell his doctors he has cognitive decline because he is perfect! Four years ago he started raging at his wife (me), denied it as he did not remember doing it, now has short term memory problems. He created the story I am bipolar and sold it to everyone to divert attention away from his problems. His doctors feel sorry for him having a wife so mentally ill. Bottom line, they don't live with him and see his decline, when I tried to discuss his problems with doctors, he would pull the bipolar sob story and become the innocent victim. I have been isolated and cannot get ANY help. Do I just wait it out?
See a therapist about your options, and for some letters concerning a diagnosis, if you have one. The therapist can validate your concerns. If you are stressed, and have a diagnosis, staying may be detrimental to your health and safety, if not now, very soon. Have a bag packed at all times, in your car with a full tank of gas. If you are mentally healthy, do the same, protect your sanity. This advice is coming from someone fully documented for years!
Consider having a safe place to retreat to if there is an increase in his bizarre behaviors. Learn how to limit the control he has over you. Ignore as much as possible what he does himself, in so far as it does not affect you adversely. Research narcissistic behaviors online. Get some emotional space between the two of you. Try not to view him as the enemy because of his illness, but you must protect yourself.
There is so much you can do, take breaks for yourself for right now, see a therapist.
Try not to look at this as all or nothing, give yourself some time, but be wise.
What has worked before?
Leave the house 3 times a week, minimum.
Go to a support group, on any topic that you are interested in or that concerns you.
That will be a start.
Be encouraged, people here will come alongside and try to help you.
Dear friends, I myself, am typing this from the library with my new library card. Lol for me!
BTW, I never had to use the letters after the divorce.
Group hugs all around!
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I'm very sorry to hear what you are going through. I know its not easy. We can all get so stubborn and stay in denial as well.
Clearly, there is an issue and it has be addressed. There are resources in the community and through the church. Do not be afraid to reach out and access those resources. Talk to the family doctor. Talk to a social worker. Check the Seniors Department of your town.
I would not wait it out because things will only escalate. My dad was similar and I thought he was just being a grumpy old man. But at 80 things were coming to head, he had high blood pressure, cholesterol issues, type 2 diabetes, and it was all from smoking. Its not easy trying to manage a person who is stuck in their ways. I for one just wished I had tried to find more resources for him and myself.
NPD is a severe condition and their aim is to have you as a punching bowl (you are going to be blame for his mistakes and he is going to tell every body about it -as usual- so he could appear to be the target rather than the culprit). If you appreciate your peace and your sanity, leave now. It can only get worse with the dementia. Don't think about stereotypes of being the one who 'should' support him -because you are the wife-. IT WON'T GET BETTER, YOU DON'T NEED TO BE AS MISERABLE AS HE WANTS YOU TO BE. Go no-contact, and live your life. This is not selfish, it is based on a conclusion from psychologists all over the world. There is no cure for NPD, neither for dementia. I've been there... my then 'other NPD half' told everybody I had autism -and other things- because my brain doesn't function.. but understanding it is always an excuse for them to 'appear' as the social friendly individual and you as a 'poor odd thing that they happen to have as partners'...you get the hint of it. Don't spend your money doing test on yourself as a proof that you are ok.... they won't change their minds and he would say that the specialist doesn't know a thing. They lack empathy and they will perform with good acting skills to keep you by their side. Don't confront him...just leave. I do recommend you to watch these videos..they helped me soooo much. I'm living my life away...and feeling epic. Think of yourself.
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