We hear much about elder abuse. What can we do when the abuser is abusing the caregiver (also an older person), emotionally, verbally? The abuser has a long history of verbal (never physical) abuse of family members. The abuser is now in assisted living but continues to accuse visiting family members of ingratitude, of forcing the person to move, just interested in the person's money. The one thing that has a shred of truth is that the family strongly encouraged and arranged for (and are paying for) this person to move. But at the time the person herself agreed that she could no longer live alone. None of us could take on this person as a housemate because of her bad temper. We are all exhausted and don't want to abandon this family member. The person is on meds which don't seem to help. She is very depressed. Any suggestions?
Unfortunately, the only way to stop this behavior is to stop the visit.
You could say, "Aunt Clara, I'm afraid we'll have to leave if you don't stop accusing everyone."
Then, if she continues, back up your statement by LEAVING-right then.
Pick up your coat and purse and walk out.
It's called tough love. She'll learn you mean business if you leave EVERY time she does this.
It's sad to have to handle it this way but I'll bet none of the other ways you've tried has had any effect.
Polarbear: As far as the physical abuser, perhaps she is afraid to do anything. Have you thought about calling the police yourself to do a welfare check on them? It could make things more dangerous, but he could kill her if something isn't done. I would call Adult Protective Services at least.
Just seeing herself beaten up might be enough of a wake up call to do something.
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