As I wrote earlier, my mom was hospitalized with sepsis from a UTI. She's been in the hospital, I've been going out every other day.
Her cognition is gone. At first we hoped she'd come around some with the antibiotic course. Each day, she got worse. She is speaking incoherently, she's combative with the staff, alert yes but oriented to nothing. When I went out the other day she didn't recognize me.
Now, she is refusing all oral intake. Even I offered her some when I was there, but nothing doing. Everything is through an IV. She's even refusing her medications.
Super sad about this, but glad I was able to get some insight from this group.
I had really hoped she'd come out of it but the septic shock caused multiple organ failure. She is at peace now and so am I. For the most part.
This site was very helpful and I appreciate your insight and answers.
You have managed this well. I’m glad mom is near the end of her suffering and is being kept comfortable.
Wishing you peace.
Mom is being kept on comfort care in the hospital until we can all get there to see her. She's had very good care there by all the doctors and nurses, I can't say enough about them. For a devastating time they made an ugly experience bearable. If that's possible. But they did.
Anytime someone changes drastically there is a reason.
Mom has a number of additional health problems that I am sure were complicated further by this strain on her. She has had age related vascular changes in her brain as she got older, and AFib.
This started with a fall and a fracture. I'm stunned that it can REALLY happen this way.
Best wishes as you take this final journey with your mom.
I have a pretty good support system - siblings (albeit much older), husband, friends, some of who have been through nearly the same thing, and the hospital people have been so good to me too. I don't know how they do it, I know I couldn't.
If you do opt for tube feedings be certain to ask about the complications. Of placed naso-gastrically she may pull out, delivering food into the lungs as the tube is pulled; they would want to restrain her from this. PEGS put directly by surgical procedure into the abdomen can also be pulled. They often cause diarrhea, bedsores, and etc. These are all things to consider, and be ready for if you opt for these feedings eventually. Right now they can do IV feeding for a while, called TPN or total parenteral nutrition. Without it her electrolytes will be all over the place, contributing to her confusion. There just aren't easy answers here. I am so sorry.
The doctor said the word "feeding tube" but in the same sentence said they're "uncomfortable, and in your mom's state she would probably yank it out" and ultimately prolongs something we don't want to see prolonged.
It's been eight days now of this, her speech is incomprehensible, she can't articulate her needs, and spits out food if they try to feed her.
We have everything wrapped up legally and I've been pouring over the documents almost every day. She states clearly, "quality over quantity," and if she could see herself now she'd be majorly upset. Mortified, really.
The doctor who's looking after her told me that we don't know what "better" is, if this condition alleviates some, so I'm leaning on them to direct me. They're engaging with the palliative care team to talk about next steps. I've talked to my siblings and they agree.
Her electrolytes are stable, but again, thanks to the IV bags she's got hanging above her.
And I am strong enough for Hospice, there's a lovely facility 1 mile from me if it comes to that. Home wouldn't be available for the critical nature of her care - she does have a stage 3 bedsore, the list goes on, but they said they'll help me if needed. She's in one of the best hospitals in the country and based on their care of mom I can see why. I even apologized on her "former" behalf to the nurses and the doctor for how she's acting, even though I don't need to but she would want someone to.
I talked to one of mom's siblings who of course is very upset and seemingly disagreed with some of my line of thinking, and kept asking, "Well what are you gonna do?" So I ended the conversation, short of saying if they would like to take over be my guest...
..sigh..
I also want to add, since she is not eating, please think twice and rescue information, if the doctors mention feeding tubes.
All the nurses on this forum say , that is a never to do to an older person.
It's probably time to start thinking about things that will happen in the future and your options. Just so your prepared.
Take care of yourself first!
Palliative care has been notified and we'll have a goals of care discussion later this week. Mom would be SO upset to see herself this way.
Suffice it to say I've made an appointment with my own doctor for a physical, and one for my husband (he'll be so disappointed to know that) to get myself in line to make the best attempt at keeping myself together mentally and physically from here on out. Mom's health for the last few years is definitely a cautionary tale - there might be some things I can't control, but there's got to be some I can at least try to prevent.