Here is the situation. My Stepdaughter is planning a SURPRISE 60th party in May.
As my dad has bad memory loss, he is either likely to spill the beans or completely forget if I tell him too early. So my brother and I have decided to tell him at the last minute like a week before the party. The problem is last week, my husband and I turned up to pick my dad up to visit his bro in hospital. This was arranged two days prior and he completely forgot we were doing this.
So in light of this situation, will he remember to be ready when my brother picks him up for surprise party? Also, my dad can't eat much solid food, and can't hear very well at all. My other option is to go out for lunch somewhere quiet on my hubbys actual birthday (3 days after party) just the 3 of us.
My dad is very fond of my husband and I don't want to exclude him from the festivities but he seems now to be withdrawing from get togethers with his church friends and other events.
So nice of you to want to include others in your husband's birthday.
Have you thought about just the two of you enjoying a nice dinner out, just the two of you?
Since your Dad won't remember, could you include him, but not on the actual day?
What I find with my demented mother is the more info she's given, the worst it is. About anything and everything. Last minute is the ONLY way to go. Don't get your hopes up and you'll never be disappointed. That's another good piece of advice when dealing with this hideous disease.
Wishing you all the best!
The idea of setting aside the clothes on a hanger at the side of the closet is a good one as you can tell him what to put on or to have your brother go early enough to help him dress. Also, having someone willing to return him home when he's ready to leave is important. My dad likes to be included in all family gatherings but he doesn't like to stay long. He doesn't hear well either and finds it very disconcerting to have all the noise around him and feel left out since he has a hard time participating in conversations. He usually just makes an appearance so he can say hello to everyone and then wants to go home. Luckily he lives just 5 minutes away so someone is always willing to get him home.
If you decide that this is really not going to work due to distances and logistics having a smaller family celebration will also be lovely. He won't even know what he missed so won't feel left out.
And don't expect him to get himself ready for it!
Your brother will need to go to your father in good time on the day, help him get ready, and bring him to the party. Maybe you could put a smart outfit to one side in advance, all on one hanger in your father's wardrobe so that your brother can find it easily. As for how much time to allow: calculate explaining, shaving, washing, toileting, undressing and re-dressing time, and double it. That much time!
Ideally your brother (or another nominated volunteer?) should also be kind and good-natured enough to take your father home again if the party's getting too much for him; but it would be lovely for your husband and your father if your father can be included at least for long enough to put in an appearance. Short-and-sweet often works best for older, frailer people, especially in a lively crowd.
Emjoy the party whatever you decide. I know you would like him there but it is good that you are considering alternatives.