I need support and I know you all would love to vent, so let it out!!! I want my family to understand while they "live" I am exhausted from all my efforts and it is never ending. Even though my Mom is in a NH, my care is just temporarily on stand by duty, but nowhere near out of my focus on a daily basis. My stress is never minimal. I feel I get the cold shoulder when I care. Care for me has nothing to do with money or me. I believe they think, I have selfish intentions. How can they think otherwise because that's how they are. Instead of help, I get excuses about how their lives are in jeopardy. I suppose my life is only important when there is a problem and I am the solution. I am the only one that doesn't hide in a bubble of unimportant issues. Reality is not an issue for them it's an excuse to dump the trash on my door and say it's your problem. My life is important, but I am the only one on the "care page", they are on the "how do I get out of it page.... with the most gain and keeping my life and freedom!!!!" "Who care's about another humans life?"
As caregiver, I work 24/7/365 with no relief except those times when "it's safe" to leave the house and do my own thing. That doesn't happen very often. I think most family caregivers work these hours and days. It might be beneficial to point out to your family just how much it would cost them as a family to replace you, which usually means three people. Let them know what the running rates are for this. Believe me, you and all caregivers are worth a lot if compensated financially. Point this fact out to them since they could end up footing the bill if you were not around to be the family slave. Additionally, don't take any crap from them; stand up for yourself! Let them know you are one tough cookie and don't mess with you. If they try make them hurt somehow and back them off.
My siblings are self-centered & arrogant (they did Not get it from our parents). But, you're right, the "mirror theory" is one way with them, they can't/won't see that some of us caregive out of true LOVE & CARE. And, my sister's hypocrisy for touting attendance of seminars on Caring.
I'll get the last laugh when they find out they are NOT beneficiaries in my Will.
I feel for you, you are not alone by far. At least you care, and will sleep at night peacefully knowing you did right by your parents.