Should we use a professionally handled estate sale or try to sell mom's collections of stuff on our own?

A suggestion:

If your mother is still competent to make decisions, ask her to change the "co" part of the POA, etc. She can choose either of you and it might be awkward for the person not chosen, BUT the end result is well worth it. My parents chose me over my three brothers and supplied me with the legal papers to make that stick. That ability to make the decisions, many of which are wrenching, is tough enough without having you and your brother waste time trying to get both on the same page. Being in charge, fair and courteous will expedite the whole process and very likely salvage the relationship with your brother and other members of the family.

Do not forget that in most cases other members of the family will surface wanting to get something from the estate, despite terms of the Will. That will make having a situation in which the two you have to agree will become a nightmare for both of you. (Count on the prospect of $ bringing out the vultures whether related or not,) By the way, when I decided to have an estate sale, I stationed a family member or close friend in each room to prevent stealing. Also gave them bargaining power with the prospective buyer. I divided the proceeds among them, which enhanced their enthusiasm to get the best price,

I STRONGLY recommend you, together with your brother if he will, consult an attorney who specializes in elder law. You will bless the day you obtained that help in understanding the legal aspects of her care and what happens when the decisions arise that must be made when she needs care outside the home and when she dies.

In the end, whichever of you she chooses will give thanks that only one of you has the responsibility to make the decisions, In spite of some rocky patches. my brothers and I still care deeply about each other.)

What ever happens take care of yourself. There is no shame in that. You will be of no help to anyone if you are physically or emotionally wrecked.

A year ago, I thought about doing an estate sale using a professional when my Dad [95] decided it was time to sell the house.... but in my area the estate sale would only fly if the household had every room full of outstanding antiques, expensive paintings, etc. The regular Mom and Dad style of decorating wasn't of any interest of anyone in the field.... [sigh].

I had to box and load all of my late Mom's huge collection of Forstoria glassware for donation, to which I added my own identical collection because I wasn't using it, anyway.

Later I had Salvation Army come and collect furniture, but if the stairs going upstairs were U shape, they weren't allowed to take any furniture from the second floor. Then I had a hauling group come and take more items, to which any item that looked good they would donate and I would get the donation list. Then I had another hauling group come and totally empty out the house. It took me 3 months to get everything done because I only had evenings and weekends, plus I was an only child with no children.

**** As for updating the house, save your time and your money. In today's do-it-yourself world, there are many Buyers out there ready to jump upon a fixer-upper. I first got a licensed professional Appraiser look at the house and get a value for me. Then I listed the house "as is" and priced it a bit higher, and down swooped a fixer-upper Buyer who gave me a good price, and my Dad was happy with the Contract. It went so smooth.

Remember, the estate will need to go into Probate unless the parent has everything solid into a Revocable Trust or Irrevocable Trust. Probate can take a lot of time. My Dad had everything simple, and his Probate has been six months now, and probably six months more after that. I would have hated to have the house sit vacant for that long before I would inherit. Thank goodness Dad's house sold a few months before he passed, and the equity was used for his care. 

Come income tax time, Dad had quite a list of donations to use against his income :)

Hi Lynchmob,
I don't envy you. I am speaking from very récent expérience. My situation was similar...my brother and I were provided for in the will. The intent was to share everything 50/50 but with the understanding that things that pertain to men (stuff in the garage, tools,) would go to him and things that pertain to women (dishes, housewares, jewelry) would go to me. My mother became quite ill and ended up in nursing care. My brother and his family visited from time to time but definitely not on a weekly basis. When it came time to sell the house I had to hire outside help. First I carefully went through the house looking for important papers, documents, légal records, etc. I invited the family to come and choose anything they wanted in the house. My brother never showed up at all. Three grandchildren showed up briefly and looked around as though they were about to be infected by a strange virus. One came with the request from the "dreaded daughter in-law" who wanted some of the imported china. On the advice of my parents' attorney I hired an estate sales company to hold a sale. They did an enormous amount of work. They hauled things out of the garage and the basement. They organized furnishings in the sale. Our "deal was 50% to them, 50% to my mother. They did not keep an itemized record of what they sold, but they did clear a lot of stuff out. Were they 100% honest? I don't know.....But, what I do know is I could not have run the sale myself, my family was not going to bother to do the work in a respectful way, and people did have an opportunity to buy stuff that my family would simply have put in the alley for the garbage man. After the sale, there was a lot left. I cleaned the remaining stuff, boxed it up, and took it to Goodwill and the Salvation Army. I kept the furniture that I needed to "stage" the kitchen, living room, and dining room for the sale of the home. I hired a very good realtor who gave me excellent advice about what to do to présent the house well. I hired a junk hauler that took away all of the stuff in the basement, garage, and house that did not sell in the estate sale. The outcome was very good. The house sold for a good price. I had the money needed to pay for my mother's nursing home care. I kept the things that were important to me for sentimental reasons and I had a chance to go through all of the other things and to say goodbye to them. All of this happened about two years ago. I am calm about things now. Although there are days when I think about how much work it was, how sad it was for me, and how painful it was to not have any help from anyone. My parents have both passed. There was a good amount of money left. My sibling has not been at all embarrassed about asking for his share........He never even thanked me for handling things........My advice to you is to hope for the best, and to hire the help that you need to resolve your mother's estate when the time comes. I will always appreciate our attorney and realtor who gently guide me with everything that had to be done. I'm happy that this is behind me now because I know that I treated my parents' home with gréât care and respect. It took me an entire summer to take care of the clean out, the staging, and the sale. It was tiring, sad, and painful but I got through it, I think in a dignified way. And now that it's behind me, I don't have any regrets. I did the best I could under the circumstances. I wish you well.

Oh no! Great advice from all here. Because I had 3 siblings to divide among equally, we hired a local auctioneer to move everything out and sell it. First, we had him estimate the value of any items the 4 of us wanted; and we each paid the estate for what we chose that way. He also estimated what the house would bring at auction. We let Realtors convince us they could sell it for more; but after several months of having it listed, we ended up selling it for the auctioneer's estimate. And, we had problems with the Realtors showing the place, and had the ongoing expenses of the house during that time.
I can't imagine what you could spend $200,000 on to fix up a house and even recoup that, much less make a profit. I
I suggest that you each get a real estate professional of your choosing to give you a CMA--Comparative Market Analysis. They will do this for free. Ask them whether any fixing-up or improvements would be profitable or make the place more saleable.
Then, if Bro still wants to do that and you don't, tell him you'll sell your half to him for its current value and give him the opportunity to make twice the profit. Win/win! If he whines that he doesn't have the $, he should be able to get a mortgage to do it, since he would only need to borrow half the current value plus the $100,000 he is asking you to put up for the improvements.
My personal choice would be turn it all into money and run. If he wants to hang around in sentimentality, fine--give him his choice. No animosity, both in agreement.

Having been intimately involved in the clean-out of 4 estates in my life so far, I can say that doing it yourself can be a nightmare. Unless you KNOW you have valuables, you will be shocked to find that the treasures of your parents or grandparents were treasures in their eyes only.
Using an estate sale agency will make it easier for you, but don't expect a huge return. Using family to do it, wow, depends on the family dynamic. My FIL's estate was cleared out easily only because his daughter took everything of value and walked away. Hubby was the executor and he and I did all the rest. The condo he owned was a mess, so I did the remodeling by myself and didn't charge the estate. In this case, it did net the family about $20K more than it would have, sold "as is". I honestly don't think I'd do that again--but this was 13 years ago and I had a ton more energy then.

Sadly, what is "priceless" to our elders may well be just considered "garbage" by most other people. Mother is a hoarder, and I know already that other than her antique bedroom suite, the rest of her stuff is worthless, literally.

Luckily, Mother has a trust and it's well maintained so I expect no surprises. All of us sibs are on one page about the "after she goes" thing, (the only thing we agree on!)

Whatever you choose, go into it knowing you will still be working hard and it's frustrating at times. Nobody but you can decide how best to handle the situation.

My mom just passed away in February. An attorney I know fairly well recommended a particular estate sale guy. The usual story with 90-something parents from farm country - Mom has 7 or 8 Victorian (translate: BROWN) china cabinets, filled to bursting with "precious" cut crystal. My father does not understand that this stuff is absolutely worthless. Old people aren't buying stuff anymore. They're trying to unload their own housefuls of brown furniture and bins full of tchotchkes. My parents' house is in such a state of disrepair that this particular estate sale guy said he'd come pick it all up and take it to an empty house where it would "show" better and we wouldn't have liability issues from people setting foot in the hovel. Would Dad agree to this? Oh, h*ll no. "This guy doesn't know what he's talking about. We paid a lot of money for these things!" I told him "what you paid in the 60s and 70s vs. what you'll get out of it now is two completely different stories." He doesn't get it. My only sister lives thousands of miles away. I am so depressed over the whole thing I just want to ditch Dad, the dilapidated house, the ugly possessions and the whole scene. I'm not going to do that, but I'm really at the end of my tether. Taking care of them, looking at that ugly crap for years and now having someone tell me we need to wait to find a GOOD dealer who'll get GOOD money for it. I thought the fact that the guy was even willing to haul it away was a Godsend. This isn't really an answer, I know. I'm just commiserating. Heaven help and guide all of us who are dealing with ancient parents and truckloads of ancient, worthless stuff.

When my dad passed away unexpectedly (mom had passed five years earlier and Dad did NOTHING with anything in the house), I happened to be out of the country and my brothers came and cleaned about half the stuff in the garage and some things from the house (got some of my books, but not worth fussing over). My husband and I then cleared the house later and sold it. One thing I should have done: have one or two antique dealers come look over what you have (with the understanding that they will not get first refusal on stuff); we had an estate sale and some things went fast and too cheap because we didn't realize what the value was in time. Some things I kept because family members began to squabble over them. We took a large U-Haul trailer home with us, and some of that stuff was still packed when my house was sold a few years ago. We also listed it for sale at the same time; wound up selling it to a relative of a neighbor, who said we could leave what we couldn't take or sell. My advice: don't spend money remodeling, because what you do probably won't be the same as any of the potential buyers want. The people that bought my house have done a total remodeling and modification; anything I might have done would have been wasted. Remodels in most cases never realize the additional value of what you spend; you do them when you can enjoy the results.
Another suggestion: put the house and contents in a family trust while Mom still can do it (get good legal advice, not a weekend "trust seminar"). My husband and I had several business and investment properties, as well as the house and a property that I had inherited from my dad. The trust made it very easy to deal with it all, no probates, no hassles with my kids, no questions about what goes where.

To clarify: My husband and I had to clear out and sell my folks' house some years ago, and then I sold our house several years after my husband passed away. (That clear out involved a house sale, a thrift store, two giant dumpster loads, a storage container that sat in the parking lot at my job for a couple of years, what I kept for my own use and what the various kids wanted.) In addition, I was also involved with a friend's family trust after all the family members passed away fairly close together, which included helping clear out a condo and then selling it (the proceeds went to their church). I don't want to think about what it would have been without the trusts. Some of my inlaws wound up in court over my MIL's house, and there were problems with a SIL taking stuff from the house that another SIL claimed was hers.

Ok so your mom still lives in the house, you're asking about advice "when the time comes", meaning have to leave her home for AL, NH, etc. I can only speak from personal experience but "yes, yes, and yes" to an estate seller. I did NOT use one and in hindsight one of my biggest regrets. Instead I moved my mother's things into a storage unit because I thought the estate commission was ridiculous (40% of sales), paid about $300 for movers, about $100/month for storage unit, then when their price went up after a year, another $300 for movers to move all the stuff to my house. God!! And guess what? I ended up donating most of her stuff for free to local thrift stores!! Should have gone with the estate sale. Lesson learned! I can't imagine being co-Poa's when not on the same page. Ugh. :(

Edited for errors

Depending on what your mother has collected, it could be worth some money, I collect very specialized collectibles on E-Bay and estate sales so you just have to do your homework or hire someone that knows. I'm glad people put things on E-Bay that I do collect, but I hope I never have to sell these items myself, couldn't stand the packing, shipping & the irritating "never happy" customers. I had an estate sale once, I wanted to get rid of the items quickly so I put very small prices on very nice things, and everyone wanted everything for a dollar or a quarter so I donated and threw away. Couldn't stand the irritation. Hope you & your brother don't end up with attorneys, I've been involved in 3 law suits lately (you make a little money - here come the law suits) and what I've found out is each law suit cost me over $100,000 and in the end the attorney/judge want you to make a settlement with the opposing person. (Our legal system sucks, doesn't matter who's right). If you can get bro to buy you out, that might make everyone happy.

My brother & I are co- trustees of our parents' trust. The folks just moved into assisted living & had to REALLY scale down. They had lots of "stuff" but fortunately were not hoarders. I will second the recommendation to have a professional handle the sale of the contents. It is a big load off you at a time when you don't need more trouble. And it is surprising the things you think will bring $$, don't. For instance, my folks bought a piano for me about 50 years ago for what they thought was a lot of $$. Now you can't even give them away! In fact when going thru their house, the auctioneer noted the piano & said "Now about this..." My brother told him he had someone who wanted it & auctioneer said " Well let 'em have it"! This was a shock to my folks. As for the co-trustee situation, so far so good. We never really argued anyway. Time will tell...

Offer your brother one month to find collectibles or items he wants to sell. After one month, have a professional estate sale for the rest. Housewise, have him buy you out immediately then you're done with it, and he can either renovate or sell, whichever he chooses. (Do use legal council to get this right.) He may argue that if he's doing all the work of initially selling items for that one month, he should get the pay for items. I'd let him have it as a bargaining tool (he may well burn out, change his mind, and get next to nothing, anyway). If he strikes gold he can use it to buy you out. Let him take the chance if he thinks he's going to find something valuable. Keep in mind extra costs of giving him a month while the house isn't lived in ... costs such as looming property taxes or hazard insurance you both may have to pay.

One thing many of us had noticed is that the younger generation doesn't want the Grandparent's furniture or even the lovely 12 piece dishware set.

Gone are the days when one gets married and furnish a home in "early attic". My parents when they wed 70+ years ago, found enough old furniture to finished their rental, and they kept that beautiful furniture for all those 70 some years. Oh, how I wished I had room for some of the items, but I am starting to downsize for the future.

People don't even want books today. I donated some books last year to a small town that had it's library flooded, and where the people were still using actual books. That made me smile :)

Even fine jewelry isn't of interest. I will open up my Mom's jewelry box and find nothing of real interest to wear.... [sigh].

It will come down to supply and demand, e.g. what you think will be saleable, actually will not.

I want to thank everyone on this thread for your comments and insight. Instead of trying to talk or argue over our inevitable choices, I'm going to have him read your responses. They all seem to be giving the same sage advice. Thank you.

Great idea for him to read this then he will see unbaissed opinion because WE have nothing to gain & are just sharing our grey hairs with you -

When we got mom & dad's house ready for sale it was 12 months of cleaning, sorting etc before sale went through - it changed hands 2 days before the insurance company's deadline where they were going to stop insuring an empty house - we paid a high premium for that year as it was 'uninhabited' - has bro realized that?

As someone that has done tons of garage sales (in my younger years) and someone that has used a professional estate company I can tell you it's not apples to apples. In selling my parents home, it was one of the best decisions my sister and I made. #1.....I was living with my dad at the time for 6 mos after he had recovered from heart attack. I didn't have the time of energy to do what needed to be done to the house and all the things in it. She worked full time and took care of her grandson so she didn't want or have the energy to help stage or sell either. We took what we wanted and what my dad said we could (and also the small amount of furniture he needed in his facility). #2.....the company came in and did EVERYthing. The garage was a mess of tools, hobbies, holiday decor, etc. They knew what everything would bring. Organized it, staged it, and MOST of all came in and worked it for 3 days. What WAS left went to goodwill. #3.....Then we could see the house better and see what we wanted to do with it which was sell. Luckily it was in a great location, things were going fast and for good money. We sold as is and made a huge profit. I'm sorry that you and your brother don't see eye to eye. (I wouldn't argue over politics. just not worth it. I don't discuss anything with my son) Maybe have a realtor come in and give you their opinion on both options and see what they say. That might help relieve some tension and you can come to a decision. Good luck and God Bless.

Great advice from whoever wrote about printing this thread and sharing it. I think that's what I will do with my dad. Of course I'll have to redact my own vitriolic comments! Classic parent/"kid" dynamic - because I'm his "kid" (at 65), I'm a ding dong know-nothing who doesn't value "nice things." :P Hopefully he'll get the message that it is in no one's best interest to hang onto this stuff/try to deal with it ourselves. "We" - LOL. He is weak as a kitten and can't clean up his place at the breakfast table let alone deal with what he and the other black belt hoarder accumulated over a 65 year period. It's so overwhelming! SIGH.

You and your brother? Be firm with him without name-calling and with the expressed wish to find a way to work together and have a positive outcome for you both. Your aim: to get him to work it out with you with the help of a professional arbitrator. Some lawyers do that now and that's worth it because they know the tax and other financial issues involved. In spite of the arbitration cost, it can save you a huge problem, a problem which is likely to take that same lawyer a lot longer to extract the two of you from later.

You and your brother? Be firm with him without name-calling and with the expressed wish to find a way to work together and have a positive outcome for you both. Your aim: to get him to work it out with you with the help of a professional arbitrator. Some lawyers do that now and that's worth it because they know the tax and other financial issues involved. In spite of the arbitration cost, it can save you a huge problem, a problem which is likely to take that same lawyer a lot longer to extract the two of you from later.

The "valuable" collections? What are they actually? Unless your parents were really knowledgeable collectors, then they may not be worth much monetarily. And times have changed - the beautiful china, glassware and silver may not interest younger people - after all if it cannot go in the microwave, why bother? And as for fixing up the house...I remember overhearing a conversation between a couple who were looking at my parents' house, on which they had spent a lot of money ..The wife: "Well, we can strip the paint from those kitchen cabinets, and the window treatments, well we could get rid of that..." You get the picture. Unless you update very carefully, advised by realtor, you may not get back the money you spend.

Even when your elder has something you deem as vintage, e.g. carnival glass, it's going to come down to how much glassware the antique shop has on hand that isn't moving. And there you have it-they can't accept your item (s).

Too many postings😃So if I am repeating sorry.
POA ends at the death of the person who inacted it. Ru and brother co-executors. If so, bad decision. Me personally I would have an antique dealer come in to look at what Mom has. After that, have an estate buyer come in and give you a price on the better stuff. What is left have a yardsale or give to charities. The house...I wouldn't put a lot of money into it. A realtor will tell you what you need to do to sell. But like said, buyers will come in and do there own thing. Sometimes you don't get the money you put into it back.

JoAnn29: That is exactly what I did with my late mother's items. I pretty much know vintage and antiques. The last antique shop owner in town came where I had everything layed out on tables and it was quite shocking that most of it she didn't give a second glance! And why? She had so much stuff in her shop that simply wasn't moving. It is especially hard when the adult kids live out of state and we're trying to empty my late mother's house, such as.

When a friend died the executrix & I figured if it wouldn't get $10.00 at the thrift store then donate - we sent 37 pairs of size 5 1/2 shoes [some would fit teenagers] & assorted dishes etc for abused women because we knew she would like that - used is used so don't count on megabucks at anytime soon

Good ideas. As neither my brother and I lived there in the same  state of our late mother, we located a large thrift shop store. The owner came with a huge van and took tons of stuff including furniture.
Also, I took at least 200 baskets to a local florist.
We took all elder supplies to the town's Council on Aging.