I just turned 50 married for 29 years with 3 grown kids and my mom is 82 and always has been emotional abusive. She has 2 favorite older kids and out of 7 children is always pitting one against the other and complains why her children are not close. As I get older I can no longer tolerate her abuse and it takes a toll on my mental health. I have developed health issues and am trying to change my lifestyle and she continues to argue with me when I tell her that she is not supportive in my life. I always have good news to share and she only blocks it out with my siblings problems or hers. Out of 7 kids I am the only one married out of 6 girls and am always helping my siblings and their kids with money which my husband is tired of. I have had counseling recently several times only to come back to my mothers behavior. She puts me down for not coming around after she creates turmoil and blames whoever doesn't give her special attention afterward. I have given her expensive gifts and have always been a giving to her and my family. Even though my husband has been the worker. I am the only child besides my brother who is married and financially stable and kids are doing well. I want to leave her alone altogether and lately because I want change for myself and marriage and family I no longer want to deal with her anymore. As she ages it only gets worse. People often put down siblings that don't help as much as others but often times the ones that don't want to come around are the ones that can't continue taking the abuse over and over that they were raised with.
If anyone has answers for this one, I'm also interested.
I only have one sibling, who lives out of state, but considering that you have 6 other siblings, I'm wondering if you should step back and let some of them support financially and emotionally.
While we might "owe it to ourselves" to stop such a toxic relationship it's easier said than done. If you stop it, you only feel guilty for stopping it which really isn't any better.
Do you think counseling has helped you? I tried it once and the counselor felt sorry for her and I felt I came of whiny. It didn't help me much.
I do feel sorry for my Mom, she's in poor health, miserable and depressed. I try to be compassionate, but it's tough.
I'm anxious to hear what others have to say.
It will be difficult for you to remove your mother from your head and then from your life, but it will probably be your saving grace. I was in counseling for five years to help me with that step in life. Emotional abuse creates such a chain of reactions that become automatic after so much time.
You owe it to yourself, to your husband and to your children to seek joy in your life. If your mother is like my mother (and they sound like twins), she will block your joy at every opportunity. The turning one sibling against another has created voids in our lives that may never be filled, but we are working on it. No one has the right to rob you of your happiness.
I wish you luck and I hope you can find the strength to end a toxic relationship and find real happiness.