My parents both with different types of dementia/Alzheimer’s have been living with me and husband the past 3 years. It’s challenging but together we manage and provide the best care for them. Suddenly my mom woke up unable to walk?? Ends up in hospital then therapy care rehab. But because she has no short term memory she keeps getting out of wheelchair and bed and falling. So they moved her to memory care ward. More eyes and aides. Still a fall out of bed at night but overall a much more active environment. After almost 2 weeks between hospital and now MC they call me and say that she’s very anxious and ask me to talk to her. We had just had a very pleasant visit but now she is asking me to please go and pick her up. First time since this all started. I’m so sad now because she seemed fine when I left. Meanwhile my dad has been suffering with her gone. Ugh. Help me get all this registered please.
Give Mom a hug & say you miss her but The Doctor says it's best to have a few more days there. She'll be just fine -encouraging smile 🙂.
Keep your tears for on your own if you can. This is hard!! But you've got this (((hugs))).
It isn't you, and you've done nothing wrong. Try to roll with the daily punches and don't overthink things. Is she going to come home, or is MC where she'll be permanently? She'll settle in there eventually, or if she comes home, know that she may still be kind of scrambled for a while even there. They have a tougher and tougher time bouncing back after each crisis, I'm afraid.
Hang in there -- you're doing a good job.
Things to consider:
If your mom remains unable to walk, do you want to care for her at home?
If so, talk first to her physical therapists and then her doctor(s) about assistive devices she will need to help move her from bed to wheelchair to toilet... You can also request some sessions with physical therapy to learn how to safely move your mom and use all assistive devices. Insurance should cover most of these costs.
What living care arrangements do you want for your mom and dad if mom can not live in your home?
Most patients with dementia progress to a point that it is extremely difficult to care for them at home. Either they become immobile and family can't handle the work, or they get days and nights mixed up and upset everybody's sleep routines, or they become easily agitated and may hurt others.... The usual is that the person requires more care than the caregiver can give, In these cases it may be best to move the person with dementia into a memory care unit. I know of facilities that allow husbands and wives to share the same rooms - which may be of great comfort to both your parents. Sometimes, the person(s) with dementia experience a lot of anxiety as they adjust to a new environment and new routines. In these cases a mild anti-anxiety medication may help ease the transition.
Generally (but of course you'd have to check with the facility) it doesn't cost twice as much if a couple is in MC together - certainly more than one, but not double.
If you try this and they seem to be okay there, then make the move permanent? You can still visit, maybe take them out on occasion (perhaps wait until they seem more settled), and they might do better if together.
Where my mother was, a man was moved in and his wife, who'd been in AL elsewhere for physical disabilities, moved in with him. It didn't appear that she had dementia, but it kept them together now that he needed oversight.
People in MC are going to have a huge range of emotions and things won’t make sense. Perhaps it’s time to look for a facility where your dad can be closer to your mom. Look at the Medicare website where they rate facilities. There might be a better one around and where your dad can be close to her.
I am sure they miss each other.
It would give mom a person she is familiar with and she knows is safe.
Your dad would feel better with her.
I bet there would be fewer calls from mom with dad there.
By the way I think my Husband had Vascular dementia with Alzheimer's and there were times when overnight he would not be able to do something he was able to do the day before. Walking was one of them.
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