After calling the doctor and waiting for a social worker to come and loosing the first caregiver in the home and trying to get a new one for the interim we have now decided to place dad. Im not sure how this is all going to go, I know he will be upset, I know he will fight it at first, but he sleeps almost 20 hours a day, or just sits in his chair with his eyes closed, he doesn't engage in anything, he doesn't watch TV or even go out to the porch to feel the breeze in the evenings. I want to cry, but also feel once settled this is going to be a major relief and happy thing. No one will visit him because of his current living conditions. I try my best to clean as much as I can when I'm there but it seems in a matter of days the toilet is a disaster and there is dirty dishes and horrible food everywhere. My heart is breaking as this is the most wonderful daddy but I have to do what's best for him. that is the only thought in my mind. He will thrive in the long run. Anyway, comments, thoughts etc.
We understand the resistance and it is a difficult decision to make but the transition will be smoother if he connects with his peers and the staff.
The facility was built by two men who could not find adequate care for their own parents. The owner's parents live there, so the care is excellent, the facility is clean and has great amenities.
Like you, I tried to care for mom at home for almost 4 years. Until her short term memory and cognitive function declined to the point that she could not be left alone for any amount of time, she would panic if I left to go to pick up a pizza. I had home care for working hours, and then she left and the agency could not find an adequate replacement.
To make a long story short, mom is adjusting to AL, I went for a surprise visit this afternoon, and she told me she went to the resident's meeting, and for the first time didn't try to guilt me into bringing her back to my house.
My point with that is, don't feel guilty, your dad will be in good care, and if you continue like you are now, the stress may very will kill you. My health was not great, and now I am so much better, and I can actually just visit and be a daughter again instead of the constant worry and stress.
Good luck!
A quality retirement-home experience can require advance planning years in advance. Simply put, every one of us will be not as healthy as we are now, or crippled, or developing various mental problems, or just being feeble or whatever.
But I've found that many of the bad situations can avoided or minimized by simply being aware of the future. Of course, nobody can guarantee a successful later life for anyone.
Our living circumstances will necessarily change in unexpected ways. To make the best of being older later, we and our loved ones must take that simple fact into account and just deal with it. (I realize there are bad individual situations that don't work out.)
I'm 67, my wife is 73 - in average to declining health. We put our names on the list at a very nice local nice retirement center 5 years ago, knowing their wait-list for new admissions is very long. My wife and I knew that arrangements for a retirement home were in the future sometime or another. Well and good.
We're very familiar with the retirement center. My sister's in-laws went there, an uncle, my great-aunt who entered when they first opened in the early 70's,and my wife's late mother. And God knows who else. Also my 94 year old stepmother Margaret who is still there now, as alive and as tough and loving as ever - everyone's much-loved elder matriarch.
A few months ago, we re-visited their office, talked a while, and learned our admission date for us is now down to around a year or two, maybe 2019 or so. We reviewed the current pricing and monthly rates, and all that. Everything was higher than before of course, which we expected. My wife and I thought "that's expensive" and it is, but everyone already knows that. It is what it is.
What we all have in common is that we all wanted and planned to live reasonably as best we can. Many of had middle-class incomes in their earning years, a few had much more. Most of the people we know who had/have difficulties in later life are those who were not prepared.
People who prepare mentally have fewer problems and more options. Those who do not prepare tend to have more problems and fewer options.
FEU