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Mostly Independent
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Hemmann: Perhaps the answer that you're looking for depends on how much or how well your DH (Dear Husband) recovered from the two strokes. You do mention both Medicare and Medicaid in your profile; you could pose your concerns/queries to an attorney. Are you a retired geriatric nurse practitioner?
The biggest fear I had was my husband leaving our apartment and taking a walk, We were in a senior living complex, not with memory care, but near the entrance/exit to a major highway. I was terrified he would leave the apartment and take a walk, onto the highway, and get lost or take a walker's right to cross the street and get killed. . If he wanted to go for a walk, I stopped what i was doing and went with him. He did go out of the apartment when I was showering or in the laundry room. That kind of stuff can't be stopped unless he sits in the bathroom like a good little boy while you shower. Not going to happen, most likely. I learned to shower when he was sleeping, which he did 85% of the day. I also arranged to have a caregiver come in if I needed to go to the store. I took him to the beauty shop with me and made sure he had a magazine to look at. Then, for being a good little boy, I took him for ice cream after. Well, you might say, "oh, I can't give him such a treat, he might get fat, too much chloresterol, too much sugar. Well, my opinion on that is this: what kind of life does he have now anyway, how long will he live this way, does he really want to live that way (my husband made it clear years ago that he didn't want to live when he couldn't do daily living activities). I treated this man like the little boy he became. It was horrifying to see him decline this way, but the sickness and mental loss makes that happen. The illness won't let him live long anyway, so give him a treat of candy or ice cream once in a while. For yourself, join a support group for caregivers, esp for memory loss issues. Take him/her for ice cream unless they can't have milk products (mine couldn't really). so ice cream was seldom, but a little anyway. There are other treats, like a bar of candy. What kind of life do they have now? None, really. Let the person have that little treat like the little child he/she became. Makes their day. I made sure I set the alarm to get up before he did so I could shower before he woke up. That way I didn't have to fear he would walk out the door in the dark of morning or night for a "walk". I would have never found him. Taking care of a demented loved one is not a walk in the park. Oh, yes, you can forget about routine house cleaning, and you can learn to do laundry when s(he is napping, etc. The matter is taking care of him/her, and yourself, and learning to do household chores when the patient is sleeping, napping or in day care. After several years, I called in a caregiver for a few hours so I could go to lunch with the girls, and go shopping for groceries while I was out at the same time, as hiring a caregiver does have a minimum #hours to watch your loved one. I managed to book hours so I could fit in a lunch and grocery shopping to fill the minimum time caregiver works for you. Hope this helps.
You tell us in your profile that you are a geriatric nurse and that your husband, 82, is s/p two strokes. You also tell us that you are currently in independent living.
I would say that much of your question will depend upon your husband's deficits and your ability, the two of you, to continue to manage in independent living. These are questions you will answer by knowing: 1)Your husband's abilities and disabilities 2)Your own health and ability to help your husband with his needs (you don't mention what they are) 3)You assets moving forward 4) What plans you have for division of assets if one of you requires more care and the other does not.
You mention also that you have an attorney. So again, you are well ahead of the game in knowledge due to your career and already being in independent living.
I encourage you to fully come up with a list of needs that each of you have, a list of assets, and discuss options for your area (a very beautiful part of Arkansas I am acquainted with) and what is available to you. Options would seem to me to be next steps to ALF or even to Board and Care if you prefer smaller more homelike facility.
I sure do wish you good luck.
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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
In-home aids (either through an agency or privately hired by you directly)
Some people are opting for "nursing homes" in other countries where it is less expensive and provide "better" care.
I would say that much of your question will depend upon your husband's deficits and your ability, the two of you, to continue to manage in independent living.
These are questions you will answer by knowing:
1)Your husband's abilities and disabilities
2)Your own health and ability to help your husband with his needs (you don't mention what they are)
3)You assets moving forward
4) What plans you have for division of assets if one of you requires more care and the other does not.
You mention also that you have an attorney.
So again, you are well ahead of the game in knowledge due to your career and already being in independent living.
I encourage you to fully come up with a list of needs that each of you have, a list of assets, and discuss options for your area (a very beautiful part of Arkansas I am acquainted with) and what is available to you. Options would seem to me to be next steps to ALF or even to Board and Care if you prefer smaller more homelike facility.
I sure do wish you good luck.
If you wish to check in with any of the ad sponsors on the forum, scroll down to the list at the bottom of the page and explore.