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Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Barb763: It's all we got. You have chosen the high roads of love, and it sounds like you are breaking. Who/what agencies have you been able to reach out to? I don't mean that as a deflection. Are you a rural person or an urban person? I so feel your pain. I share it.
Barbt, Your story has me adding another symptom to the list of caregiver burn out and that is "dismay"...dismay at what you see and hear both from your loved one or the nursing home or medical workers, or smell... often on a daily basis while caregiving.
I think Barbt763 touched on an excellent point. Have you ever been in a situation in which either you did or gave something, or are being pressured to do so, and someone gives you one of those big smiles and asks "How do you feel when you do this? Don't you just feel so great?" and your truthful answer would be "I feel (or felt) 'used' "? So maybe "feeling used" should be added to our list of signs of caregiver stress.
My mother doesn't want to live anymore. She's tired and wants to go b with dad in heaven. In assisted living, to hear that is also stressful, because I find myself asking why the good lord won't just take her, I don't want to let her go, but she's ready.
Summer 55, been there. My dad died 2 yrs before mom my sister A year before mom, she said the same things. It’s was depression that got her real bad. And then a massive heart attack , and in her will she stated no life support . So I had to let her go, but it was a good thing, my brother died 2years after her. So there All up there, waiting for me. Sometimes there nothing you can say or do. Enjoy these last days with her, I always made my mom laugh in her last days. That’s all you can do. Best of luck{{{{}}}} hugs to you. Yuki
I hear you, Summer55. Yesterday was a horrible day for my mother. She could hardly move, had a look in her eyes like she was blind, and her limbs were cold. At one point I reminded her you like reading the newspaper and would you like to read it? She said, "No, there's something in there that'll hurt me." I called her home health nurse and my sisters bawling. Sisters and Niece came right over. Last evening Sister 2 and I talked about how we wished the spirits would take her. Hospice will be coming today to enroll her. {hug} to you and to us all going through this.
Genevieve7 sometimes you just have to take out for you. Your at caregiver burnout sounds like. I was there. Stop thinking you have to do it all. Somethings can wait. And if you have any help, assign duty’s to someone, tell them you need help, or start hiring out. We are not wonder women, sometimes we can’t do it all, and that’s ok. And going and having a nice bubble bath, or drinking a little wine and just relaxing is so soothing , listening to a favorite tune on the radio, or calling up a great girlfriend to cry or vent can help. Take that me time!!!! You don’t want to go down that road I’ve been down. Me time!!! Yuki
crying at forum posts chest pains feeling used being misunderstood by unhelpful family over exercising to point of injuries chest pains insomnia fitful sleep nightmares chest pains headaches anxiety depression isolation feelings that my efforts are futile and unappreciated that life is not worth it if this is how it ends up - like them sadness alienation chest pains not talking much anymore giving up trying to assert boundaries as it exhausts me more and they go unobserved chest pains
Scaredtaker, you mentioned chest pains 5 times. Is this something you are dealing with? If so, and if they are overwhelming or persistent you probably need to have this checked.
...being upset because I think Oprah should've used her great idea to help the aging and us caregivers instead of inventing a new "healthy soup" to us all! Every time I see it in the store I get angry and probably look like the wicked witch of the west stomping through the store! Hate how my mind wanders when shopping...I can't ever think about what I need while I'm there. My personality has really become nasty lately...is this a sign of my future?! Am I doomed automatically because of this burnout?! I hate thinking about the what if's all the time and what Im going to be like in my future.
I want the old me back. DH and I are going to the beach for a week...hopefully will toss my negativity in the ocean... I do realize I must and want to. My body hurts, my teeth hurt from grinding, brain stings from all my crazy thoughts, have gained 30 plus pounds, more gray hair. Yuck, how am I gonna get in a swimsuit...go away thoughts,
Bella7 — Perhaps you & I were “separated at birth,” as they say. Thought I was reading something that I wrote! ENJOY the beach. The salt air, the power of the ocean. Take it all in. Transform. ((((hugs!))))
Reading the questions from caregivers asking for advice on what to do with all their old crazy parents makes me so depressed and hopeless . A lot of these old people including my mother are alive because of modern medicine. Their brains are way past the use by date. They shouldn't be around anymore. But they didn't know or plan to lose their minds and be a burden on their children and society so we can't blame them. However, we caregivers know better. Let's not do this to our children. Plan ahead and check out when we start to suck the life out of the younger generations. Don't be a vampire.
Sorry I just have to rant. Another sign of burn out is losing my humanity, you can say. No, not all life is precious, not if they're sucking the life out of someone else so they can live. I'm getting off the soap box now.
So far this year my hubs has developed terrible psoriatisis, no known cause at his age.. but stress keeps coming up. This week my neck locked up,, steroids and muscle relaxers on board, and now it is improving but I am having terrible back spasms ( I do have a bad back,, but) probable cause is .. stress.. I understand the chest pain mention,, I really thought I was having a heart attack once or twice.. And I am sad to say I just thought.. the heck with it.. But I am trying to remember that my dad passed on the 28 of this month, and Mom is sad and depressed and just wants to be with him.
And Bella.. put on that swimsuit and remember.. you don't know any of those people! I know I am no longer a 28 year old supermodel,, so just enjoy and relax!
Polar bear, your not alone, we’ve all hit that wall. Sometimes you just want to scream. But know there are little things you can and must do for yourself. I’ve said this before, take time for yourself. It’s not selfish, and needs to be done! Also get the big picture, if your not up to the duties, screw it and hire out! There no shame in letting someone else do the work. Everyone hits that wall. It’s up to you, either climb it, or hit it. Your survival depends on it . Yuki
PolarBear: God/Cod bless you for speaking what is in the recesses of our ever-adapting brains. I just posted on another thread, asking Canadians how the U.S. might advocate for the value of human dignity for the extreme aged or afflicted. Your post very much needs to be mulled. I would never believe you meant that the extreme aged or afflicted are useless therefore chuck 'em. I believe you meant, at what sacrifice to your beloved offspring and/or social services can we keep constant vigilance for, or fight continuously for? As we get wasted, mean, inhumane. I am inhumane. I recognize a fellow being.
Polarbear, I totally am with you, I don't want to be kept alive after my use by date. Especially at the expense of another. I know where I'm going when I leave this body, so I am looking forward to going. If our loved ones could know that they are just a body with no quality would they really choose quantity? Some, maybe, others no frickin way, my grandma would have died if she knew the things she was doing, she was a generous loving woman that would have never wanted to cause anyone grief or hardship in any way shape or form.
My husband and I have all of our paperwork in order, checked annually to stay up with the law, yet I never want to take anything from his life by having quantity without quality. I never want to be a shell.
Thank you for your honest post, it is good for all of us caregivers to know what we want for the end of our lives and to prepare accordingly.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
chest pains
feeling used
being misunderstood by unhelpful family
over exercising to point of injuries
chest pains
insomnia
fitful sleep
nightmares
chest pains
headaches
anxiety
depression
isolation
feelings that my efforts are futile and unappreciated
that life is not worth it if this is how it ends up - like them
sadness
alienation
chest pains
not talking much anymore
giving up trying to assert boundaries as it exhausts me more and they go unobserved
chest pains
I want the old me back.
DH and I are going to the beach for a week...hopefully will toss my negativity in the ocean...
I do realize I must and want to.
My body hurts, my teeth hurt from grinding, brain stings from all my crazy thoughts, have gained 30 plus pounds, more gray hair. Yuck, how am I gonna get in a swimsuit...go away thoughts,
Sorry I just have to rant. Another sign of burn out is losing my humanity, you can say. No, not all life is precious, not if they're sucking the life out of someone else so they can live. I'm getting off the soap box now.
And Bella.. put on that swimsuit and remember.. you don't know any of those people! I know I am no longer a 28 year old supermodel,, so just enjoy and relax!
My husband and I have all of our paperwork in order, checked annually to stay up with the law, yet I never want to take anything from his life by having quantity without quality. I never want to be a shell.
Thank you for your honest post, it is good for all of us caregivers to know what we want for the end of our lives and to prepare accordingly.