My younger sister is retired and takes care of my mother and I would love some suggestions what I can do for my sister and my mother since I live in another state. My mother pays for someone to come in at least 3 times a week to care for her. They live in New York State and the governor isn't allowing people from our state to visit unless we quarantine for 14 days, and we cannot afford to pay for a hotel that long. Thank you for any kind suggestions.
I'm the sister taking care of mom. What I find helpful is just someone to gripe to, who grew up in the same household and understands all the same references, without judgment or "helpful suggestions " (which I find usually means even more work for the caregiver).
Have you asked your sister, directly, what she would find the most helpful?
By the way- I think if one of my sisters offered to take care of the finances, I might be a little put off ( especially my if it were my middle sister), my thoughts might go to "well, that's nice, they trust me to do all the dirty work taking care of mom, but they don't trust me with her money". Unless you're absolutely sure your sister won't have that sort of reaction, I don't know if I would make the offer of "taking over finances" without a whole lot of conversation first. I personally would not agree to the caregiving I'm doing if I had to ask one of my sisters for money every time mom needed something.
Taking the initiative to ask on this forum is one thing to your credit already!
This is what I have help with now from them: pre-planning both parents' funerals, applying for burial at the local National Cemetary (for veterans), researching tax and medicare implications of a non-agency caregiver, selling Dad's car, closing extra credit card accounts, checking credit scores at the 3 credit score companies and looking into anything weird, looking for and interviewing, via zoom, an additional caregiver, face timing every day with Mom, but telling about their day, not asking about Dad. (If Mom had to tell that update 4 times a day she'd be even more exhausted).
Each of my siblings also encourages their own children and grandchildren to sent a card or drawing to Gramma and Grampa in the mail regularly. These bring so much joy to my Mom, much more than a Facebook post.
Best of luck to you.
In addition to the types of delivery items mentioned, I’ve heard that ice cream is a good distraction for dementia patients and the elderly in general (barring any diabetes issues). I have a friend who has arranged for a milkshake delivery via Door Dash for her father. Your mother and sister might enjoy a treat like that together.
And I just want to say how wonderful it is that you are looking for ways to support your sister and mother through all of this. They are blessed to have you. Wishing you all peace and strength during this time.
See All Answers