I've been my mother's family caregiver for seven years and have watched her go from moderate cognitive impairment to very advanced dementia. She's lived in three different facilities and I go to see her once or twice a week. I've also handled all her bills, medical appointments, taxes, ordering medications, buying diapers, everything. My brothers live across the country and usually visit once a year for a couple of days. I'm spent. The visits with my mom have gotten more and more difficult. She usually recognizes me but she's barely a shell of the vivacious and intelligent woman she used to be. She can't put more than a few words together and sometimes she just moans, like she's aching to get out of this life. I get so depressed when I see her. I try to hold her (she's very affectionate), play music she likes, take her outside, bring her treats to eat. What else can I do? And how can I keep from getting bummed out every time I see her?
(As I look through the topics it's hard to know whether to list this under Caregiver Burnout, Depression, Activities & Recreation or Life as a Caregiver! I'm dealing with all those things!)
If you are a reader and can take comfort from books, I highly recommend "Loving Someone Who Has Dementia" by Pauline Boss. This therapist talks about "ambiguous loss" -- the fact that we mourn for our loved ones while they are still living. Their bodies are there but their minds and personalities are not completely there.
Hugs to you. Keep hugging Mom!
But we can still wish for people - especially big tough guys like him - to man up a bit..!