I have been a caregiver for most of my life. I have helped in the care of 4 siblings, my mother, mother- in-law and finally my father who died 2 weeks ago from a massive stroke. He died at home with hospice care. He also had dementia.
I need to mourn my father and find a new life for myself.
Dr. Vamik Volkan, a psychiatrist at the University of Virginia medical school, said, ''The recognition of the actuality of the death is a crucial event in the course of mourning.'' Dr. Volkan's method of ''re-grief'' therapy is intended to help those who suffer pathological grief.
Dr. Volkan's approach makes use of a common phenomenon in those with problems in mourning: the possession of a special object that links him to the dead person, such as piece of jewelry. These links are more than just treasured keepsakes; they are jealously guarded and hold an eerie fascination for the mourner.
These objects, Dr. Volkan said, are symbolic tokens jointly ''owned'' by both the mourner and the deceased person; it is a way of keeping the dead person ''alive.''
Because the person with this kind of grief is in a chronic state of hope that the dead person will return, Dr. Volkan at some point asks the mourner to bring in the linking object and explore its symbolic meanings.
This typically allows the mourner to face the fact of the death. This, Dr. Pollock said, ''can activate the mourning they haven't completed.''
Study of Normal Mourning Process Illuminates Grief Gone Awry
By DANIEL GOLEMAN
Published: March 29, 1988 in the New York Times
sulynn: Please accept my condolences in the loss of your loves ones. Even after much 'practice' it would be very hard. My prayers are with you. God Bless you and Keep you close!
Thank you for posting this article, but many don't need it. One of the best ways to grieve and feel closer to ones you have lost, is a nice walk in the park, preferably at dawn. If you're near a body of water, be it a lake, ocean or river, a visit there can be calming and powerful as well. Nature can be the best healer.
Yes it was kind and nice of her. Nature really is all you need. After dealing with medical people, be it nurses, doctors, NH staff, etc. after their loved one has died, many just need some time to be alone. A nice walk in the park, looking at birds chirping, squirrels gathering nuts, sun and cloud, can be the be the best medicine, and best of all it is free. We're connected to nature, so it would make sense that nature would be there to help us through difficult times, don't you think?