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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Your profile states that: "I just moved in with my mom. We are fine financial and can tend to physical needs. I’m struggling with how to deal with my moms emotions and moods swings."
Your mom is 83. What's going on may not be "mood swings", but the beginnings of cognitive decline/dementia. I strongly suggest you confirm this by accompanying her to a doctor's appointment with the specific purpose of having a cogntive/memory exam (and test for UTI for good measure). Then you will know what you're dealing with. If it is the beginnings of dementia, moving in with her may not be a good situation for you unless she has the financial means to hire outside help or the ability to move her to a facility in the future if the caregiving overwhelms you (and if you read the Care Topic of Burnout it very likely may).
The elderly often have disrupted sleep patterns for a variety of reasons. Maybe try giving her tasks during the day, like folding a large pile of kitchen towels, chopping vegetables, sorting a large pile of things like plastic utensils or nuts and bolts, screws and nails, colored poker chips, etc. This burns mental and physical energy so that she may be more tired at appropriate times and less chatty late at night. Give her the tasks in the mid- to late-afternoon so offset Sundowning. Try not to allow her to nap too much during the day.
I highly recommend Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's a dementia expert and gives excellent advice about what it is and how to better engage elders who have it. You can find helpful caregiving strategies there also. I wish you much wisdom and peace in your heart on this journey with your mom!
Has this just started? About how long does she talk for? Is this every evening? Is she making sense? What does she talk about? Is she anxious? What kind of mood does she seem to be in? If she has grand children, and seems to reasonably lucid and not cussin', could you video her for the kids in the future? Interview her and ask a few questions about her life? One of my Mom's hospice nurses offered to do that-ooohhh brother, Mom wanted no part of it, shame as a couple of the grand kids would have liked to seen her, they were very young at the time. There are times when my husband will talk, non-stop for a good two hours and it's generally a stream of consciouness, ranging from foot ball to the latest game he's playing on line. I'm ok with it, dementia will strip this away from him at one point, so to listen, watch him rattle on will help me in the future when that will be a distant memory.
? Is 9-10 pm especially late at night, would we say?
If this is happening as part of your mother's bed-time preparation routine, while you're helping her to get ready for sleep, you can gradually adjust it to be earlier.
If she's sitting up in the living room, and the chattiness is an obstacle to her going to bed, and you can't begin shutting the house up until she's tucked up in her room, then I'd suggest initiating the above-mentioned bed prep.
But maybe it's a source of friction for other reasons: can you describe why it's a problem in a little more detail?
I’d suggest that you take advantage of how things are going well at present in order to establish a new routine for last thing in the evening. Clearly before she moved in, mother didn’t have the routine of a long chat with you. Ask her what her routine was, and then tell you yours (even if you make it up). You always read for half an hour to send you off to sleep, or you used that time to get your money records up to date, or you had a meditation session before bed. Or whatever seems plausible.
Tell mother that it has bee a valued part of your routine for a long time, and helped a lot with sleep. Does she want a glass of warm milk? Or a low light in the hall? Whatever her routine, it needs to fit in with yours. When in the day would she like to schedule a chat, instead of last thing?
If she says that she has really enjoyed the late chats and would like to continue them, be firm that it doesn’t work for you. You need to set some boundaries early, before you go along with bad habits. This is one boundary that matters to you. If her ‘emotions and mood swings’ need to change, find the book called Boundaries and get to work on setting up routines to change things that might get to be an annoyance. It’s in both your best interests. Yours, Margaret
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Your mom is 83. What's going on may not be "mood swings", but the beginnings of cognitive decline/dementia. I strongly suggest you confirm this by accompanying her to a doctor's appointment with the specific purpose of having a cogntive/memory exam (and test for UTI for good measure). Then you will know what you're dealing with. If it is the beginnings of dementia, moving in with her may not be a good situation for you unless she has the financial means to hire outside help or the ability to move her to a facility in the future if the caregiving overwhelms you (and if you read the Care Topic of Burnout it very likely may).
The elderly often have disrupted sleep patterns for a variety of reasons. Maybe try giving her tasks during the day, like folding a large pile of kitchen towels, chopping vegetables, sorting a large pile of things like plastic utensils or nuts and bolts, screws and nails, colored poker chips, etc. This burns mental and physical energy so that she may be more tired at appropriate times and less chatty late at night. Give her the tasks in the mid- to late-afternoon so offset Sundowning. Try not to allow her to nap too much during the day.
I highly recommend Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's a dementia expert and gives excellent advice about what it is and how to better engage elders who have it. You can find helpful caregiving strategies there also. I wish you much wisdom and peace in your heart on this journey with your mom!
If she has grand children, and seems to reasonably lucid and not cussin', could you video her for the kids in the future? Interview her and ask a few questions about her life? One of my Mom's hospice nurses offered to do that-ooohhh brother, Mom wanted no part of it, shame as a couple of the grand kids would have liked to seen her, they were very young at the time.
There are times when my husband will talk, non-stop for a good two hours and it's generally a stream of consciouness, ranging from foot ball to the latest game he's playing on line. I'm ok with it, dementia will strip this away from him at one point, so to listen, watch him rattle on will help me in the future when that will be a distant memory.
If this is happening as part of your mother's bed-time preparation routine, while you're helping her to get ready for sleep, you can gradually adjust it to be earlier.
If she's sitting up in the living room, and the chattiness is an obstacle to her going to bed, and you can't begin shutting the house up until she's tucked up in her room, then I'd suggest initiating the above-mentioned bed prep.
But maybe it's a source of friction for other reasons: can you describe why it's a problem in a little more detail?
Has she been lonely during the day & this is when she has your attention?
I don"t know what to DO about it - just looking for reasons behind her behaviour..
Tell mother that it has bee a valued part of your routine for a long time, and helped a lot with sleep. Does she want a glass of warm milk? Or a low light in the hall? Whatever her routine, it needs to fit in with yours. When in the day would she like to schedule a chat, instead of last thing?
If she says that she has really enjoyed the late chats and would like to continue them, be firm that it doesn’t work for you. You need to set some boundaries early, before you go along with bad habits. This is one boundary that matters to you. If her ‘emotions and mood swings’ need to change, find the book called Boundaries and get to work on setting up routines to change things that might get to be an annoyance. It’s in both your best interests. Yours, Margaret