My 57 year old daughter wants control of my money.
I live alone, she doesn't want me to have a car, she will take me wherever I want to at her convenience. Is long suffering while she is being a wonderful daughter. I can't buy a dollar item without being told put that back you don't need it. She buys clothes for me and shoes rather than taking me shopping. We had a wonderful relationship I thought, as my friends died off it seemed wise to move close - not with, Thank God. My mind is great, I still play bridge on the computer, do puzzles every day, play cards at any opportunity. I lent a person some money. I and my husband both did this when he was alive. She is convinced I am being scammed, She is possibly right, I've had doubts and hired a detective, checked with FBI and other agencies. I told her I would stop sending money and in thanks she filed for guardianship. My cost in this matter is unbelievable. I don't pay anything THEY use my money to pay my lawyer, her lawyer, my sons lawyer, a doctor $500.00 mental exam and two mental health nurses. Who knows what they will charge. This is cruel and unnecessary.
Maybe she is POA now? You have the right to select another POA if you so please, if competent. It certainly sounds as if you are.
Maybe daughter is looking out for your best interests. You may be competent, get with your doctor and ask for a diagnosis. You have the legal right to make your own decisions, if competent, regardless of how bad daughter thinks they are.
I also decided I didn't have enough information. You said pretty much what I wanted to say without all the emotion that I had.
Can we just go through this bit:
"I lent a person some money. I and my husband both did this when he was alive. She is convinced I am being scammed, She is possibly right, I've had doubts and hired a detective, checked with FBI and other agencies. I told her I would stop sending money..."
What do you mean, you *would* stop sending money? Does that mean that in spite of your reservations, in spite of your husband's no longer being with us, in spite of ongoing investigations even, you are STILL sending money?
Why???
You write so well and so fluently and seem so in command of the facts of the situation, that I'm wondering how it could be that you haven't yet extricated yourself from the clutches of a fraudster, if that's what's going on. Plenty of people fall for them, alas; it is by no means indicative of mental incompetence.
What does your lawyer say?
How would you hope to repair/retrieve your relationship with your daughter?
Obtaining guardianships over competent adults is almost impossible, so unless there is overwhelming medical evidence, Lonely doesn’t have to worry about that part, but it could be necessary if she’s being stripped of her assets.
Healthcare is not what it used to be and she will probably need every dime for the future. Remember, her version of the truth may not be so accurate also, In any case it all causes sad situation.
Lonelyandold, If my parents had been more computer literate, years ago, this post could have been written by them. After many years of trying unsuccessfully to help them with one bad, financial decision after another, my siblings and I had to take over total control of our parents’ money. They were tens of thousands of dollars in debt without the ability to pay it, and were about to lose their home. Luckily, we did not have to go the guardianship route because we were finally able to convince them that they couldn’t do it anymore (actually, my mother never did admit this, though she did give up the purse strings). We did this for them for many years, using their money to pay their bills, keep up the house, and pay for professional caregivers. As their needs increased in the later years, all the children contributed extra money for home repairs and more home health care. I can’t even imagine what would have happened to my parents if we had not stepped in. I guess they would have become wards of the state. As it was they were able to stay in their home years past the time they became eligible for a nursing home.
I hope you come back to give us more information. We do care.
You can also petition for someone of your choosing to be your guardian, it doesn't have to be one of your children.
I hope that whatever is in your best interest happens for you.
I am a daughter who is concerned about my parent's spending. Dad is a hoarder, he truly does not need that item that costs $1 or $500. Yes, Dad just bought a $500+ chainsaw. Never mind he cannot lift it. Nor that he has three smaller and many larger chainsaws already.
Are the friends your dd does not want to to see ,the same ones you are loaning money to? Who are they? Are you ware that if you are in the USA, you may not be eligible for Medicaid funding in the future if you need it? This would place a huge financial/care burden on your children.
Why does your dd not want you to have a car? You say she offers to drive you where you need to go. I know my Dad passed his driver's medical earlier this year, but it scares me that he is still driving. If you walk around his car or his old truck you can see the bumps and dings where he has bumped into things, not the other way around.
I had a neighbour who could still play a mean game of bridge and did most days at the seniors centre, but could not tell the difference between boys and girls after her stroke.
On the other hand she could be someone who wants to control your life for reasons that have nothing to do with your capacity.
So while this may be on the up and up.. I feel like maybe the DD is trying to do her best to help Mom. I know from most of the posts here I will not be popular, but I stand behind this..
But along with all the changes came his feeling out of control completely of his life, when in fact he has managed all his life so well.
I think there could be some things you could do, speaking to your daughter. I know you likely appreciate all she is trying to do to safeguard you; people have lost 1,000s of dollar to scams. The scamsters are VERY clever.
If you sit with your daughter could you tell her that while you love her and so appreciate her protection you now feel that you cannot go to the dollar store without her OK. I was able to set up an account for my brother that is all his. It has a sum in it that will be added to as he spends it down, as needed, and it leaves him in control of when he would like to go on a tour, go out to eat, go to the dentist and etc.
I hope you can come to a happy agreement. I know you are happy to have her, and without her your future could be so much more uncertain. But I also know how it changes a relationship from "little sister" and "big brother" much as it would "Mom" and "daughter". There are times the role-reversal fears and feelings are so uncomfortable. Do just know it is all about love. Gently explain your feelings; I hope she will be receptive.
The line that gives me pause is "she doesn't want me to have a car".
It goes one of two ways, doesn't it? Either the daughter wants to control mom's actions......OR mom is having multiple accidents, getting lost, calling daughter to come find her. Or a doctor has told OP that she shouldn't drive anymore.
Lonely, please come back with more information.
Yes, thank you. The OP doesn't necessarily need to thank her lucky stars she has a daughter. Daughter may be a monster, or she may be an angel.
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