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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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That is a good question my wife has been gone over three years, I have her clothes still hanging, underwear, perfume, hairbrush with a strand of hair, her pictures that I talk to her every morning and when I go out I have a small picture I place on the table, Yes 72 years of marriage I am waiting for the moment we all wait for but in the interim I love to feel her clothes and presence.
Mom was overwhelmed and couldn't do anything with Dad's things. We offered anything they wanted to family members first, and everyone wanted something to keep and treasure. This made Mom feel much better about giving the rest away. It was all donated to a local church and given to community members in need.
I took all of his diplomas, awards and citations. It will all be scanned and saved digitally since there is too much to keep physically. My husband and I will set up a web page with pictures for his grandchildren and great-grandchildren to get to know him better. When Mom passes, she will be added to this web site. Our beloved elders are often known to us only for the relationship and not as people. This will give future generations a sense of their family history and leave a meaningful legacy beyond those physical things we save.
My 89 yo mother passed away in February. We were very close. I had to stop going through her things after two weeks. It got overwhelming. I’m finding it just as difficult going through her things a second time, nine months later. That said, I discovered there are things I couldn’t part with the first time that I’m now able to let go of. I had to stop again though. Just too overwhelmed again. There will be a third time when I’m ready. Maybe a fourth. Give yourself as much time as you need. It’s a process.
My husband died four and a half years ago. I eventually got rid of things such as clothing but the sentimental stuff I placed in a large Rubbermaid bin and it’s in my basement. At first I was regularly adding items to this bin and I used to sometimes spend time looking at these items and grieve. Now I’ve moved twice since his death and it remains in my basement with other items i store. I have no desire to do anything with any of these items. They are there for me if I wish to reminisce and touch things he touched and read things he wrote even smell the sweater I put in there.
I plan to make a shadow box of Mom and Dad's pins and small objects from the various organizations that they belonged to. The idea of making decorative pillows (with the buttons and pockets intact) from favorite shirts is a great idea. How about a small quilt that you can put over you while watching TV? 3 1/2 feet by 7 feet in size. Make Christmas ornaments by putting items into clear plastic balls (get at a craft or DYI store such as "Michael's" or Hobby Lobby"). I also have a couple of cabinets with glass fronts that have glasses and dishes from the various china sets that belonged to my Mom and Grandmothers.
I like the idea of the Rubbermaid bin to store the sentimental items in. Take your time in sorting out your husband's belongings. Only you can decide when to let go of your husband's things. {{{HUGS}}}
My dad passed away four years ago and my mother donated most of his clothes, however, she asked us kids if we wanted anything. I took his favorite jean jacket and a few of his sweat pants and shirts. I love wearing these few things. My dad was a chef so I kept his knives and what not because he wanted me to have them because I cooked under him for a period of time. And we cooked together a lot. (That was our thing) My mother kept a few of his long sleeve shirts and two of his hoodies that he wore around the house. My brother took a few of my dad's things as well. Some of his other shirts we made into pillow cases for my bed. You probably shouldn't make any snap decision while grieving. Take your time and decide what you want to keep if anything and what you want to donate or sell. Or do what Cocoan8447 did and put somethings in a Rubbermaid bin. I don't think there is a right or wrong way of handling your husband things. You just need to figure out what is right for you.
My mother kept my father's toothbrush, and his grotty old comb, on the bathroom shelf for years after his death. There they stayed, part of her daily scenery, until she moved house and they, er, didn't get packed (mea culpa), and she never missed them.
If things have meaning for you and do not inconvenience you and are not preventing you from moving forward when you are ready, you go ahead and hang on tight to anything you like. What you have in your home is nobody's business but yours.
If you are ready to part with items, though, thinking of them being of use to another person can be comforting. Anything that is still in good condition will be welcomed by charities for homeless people, for example.
Another great answer! Greed by some family members is causing me some grief, but, I'm the sole Executor/Trustee and you are right, "it is nobody's business". I will be fair.
I did this with my own stuff years ago. I made 3 piles, can't live without, not sure and don't want to keep. I let the piles sit for a year. I went through the piles again and resorted. I kept the must haves. These are cherished things, they were very few. The not sure pile split to a few items that graduated to must keep and the rest went to don't keep. I took pictures of all that were going away. Then tried to find loving caretakers for the items going away. These items would continue their lives with someone who could use them or would stir memories important to them. The remaining items went to Salvation Army. If I ever have the time and want to remember the past, I can look at the pictures of the the items. Its been nice when occasionally, I would visit a friend and see them using or displaying something I gave them. Kinda like a distributed museum of my stuff.
I SO do the photo thing! They take no real space and serve a great purpose! Memories do not need "touch of an item" to be brought to the surface. One picture IS worth a thousand words.
When mom passed we kept many of her clothes and shoes that fit (she had beautiful taste), donated the rest to the church thrift store, gave ALL the furniture to the neighbors (she adored them)who found people who could use it, and packed up the plates, dishes, and statues for sorting later when the grandkids need them. We found boxes and bags of greeting cards, but it was too overwhelming to sort through, so we tossed them all. (There aren’t enough hours in a day to re-read every old card!) The neighbors then went into the house and emptied the rest of the stuff when we weren’t there. It was easier for us to not get attached to the stuff, and great that they knew of others who could use/need the things. If you have a trusted group of friends or neighbors, ACCEPT their help.
Funny you say that and I do so get where you are coming from but just experienced or watched another perspective. My mom recently came across a box of cards that had been in my grandmothers stuff. She passed 12-15 yrs ago and we set up a system of things her kids hadn't had a chance to go through yet...anyway my mom came across a bin filled with cards and has been pouring through them for days. Reading each of them and really enjoying reminiscing and probably learning things about her mom, I say reminiscing because she was my grandmothers caregiver for 10+ years and probably read many of them when they first arrived which she may or may not remember. But she sure is enjoying going through them again now and I am so glad we kept them!
I looked out for my elder mom and her husband, he was in hospice at home at the time. I stayed with her for 2 months after passed. Each person is different in how they process grief. Within 2 weeks we called a local VA hospital and removed all his personal items. They sent vans and were incredibly kind. They could use all sorts of things including extra toiletries and some of the medical equipment. He/I had discussed his personal items when we did the FCA book so if he wanted a certain item to pass to someone I knew. Seeing the items daily was painful and she would avoid them or they would trigger sadness. Late at night she peeled wallpaper, removed photos from the walls. She then sorted photos, woodworking items and books to offer his children/siblings. Things like movies, cds, pans, jewelry we packed away where she could look at them if she wanted. She was very careful to allow people to say no thank you if they did not want something and people did say "please donate it". Photos were what people valued and we scanned many to share. Within months she was out there sorting and keeping what she truly valued. 6 mos on she is happy that the items are with people who wanted them and she has a box or two that she visits. She has just gotten to where she is telling stories of their life together. She is renovating her house and she references him. "he would like this, he would not like this."
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Oh what a day that will be when you are reunited forevermore.
I took all of his diplomas, awards and citations. It will all be scanned and saved digitally since there is too much to keep physically. My husband and I will set up a web page with pictures for his grandchildren and great-grandchildren to get to know him better. When Mom passes, she will be added to this web site. Our beloved elders are often known to us only for the relationship and not as people. This will give future generations a sense of their family history and leave a meaningful legacy beyond those physical things we save.
I also have a couple of cabinets with glass fronts that have glasses and dishes from the various china sets that belonged to my Mom and Grandmothers.
I like the idea of the Rubbermaid bin to store the sentimental items in. Take your time in sorting out your husband's belongings. Only you can decide when to let go of your husband's things. {{{HUGS}}}
My dad passed away four years ago and my mother donated most of his clothes, however, she asked us kids if we wanted anything. I took his favorite jean jacket and a few of his sweat pants and shirts. I love wearing these few things. My dad was a chef so I kept his knives and what not because he wanted me to have them because I cooked under him for a period of time. And we cooked together a lot. (That was our thing)
My mother kept a few of his long sleeve shirts and two of his hoodies that he wore around the house. My brother took a few of my dad's things as well.
Some of his other shirts we made into pillow cases for my bed.
You probably shouldn't make any snap decision while grieving.
Take your time and decide what you want to keep if anything and what you want to donate or sell.
Or do what Cocoan8447 did and put somethings in a Rubbermaid bin. I don't think there is a right or wrong way of handling your husband things. You just need to figure out what is right for you.
May God be with you.
If things have meaning for you and do not inconvenience you and are not preventing you from moving forward when you are ready, you go ahead and hang on tight to anything you like. What you have in your home is nobody's business but yours.
If you are ready to part with items, though, thinking of them being of use to another person can be comforting. Anything that is still in good condition will be welcomed by charities for homeless people, for example.
The neighbors then went into the house and emptied the rest of the stuff when we weren’t there. It was easier for us to not get attached to the stuff, and great that they knew of others who could use/need the things. If you have a trusted group of friends or neighbors, ACCEPT their help.
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