What do you do with your deceased husband's personal effects—especially those that are of sentimental value to you?

I have only a few of Dads things, a couple of watches and cuff links. His Navy medals and rosary. Mom gave a couple of his Harris Tweed jackets to her nephew and I always feel Dad’s presence at Thanksgiving when Patrick wears one. Most of what I have from Dad I gave to my son now that he has turned 25 (Dad passed 22 years ago when he was 3). Now that Mom is also gone I have a few items from her house. Somehow one of her spoons managed to get into my silverware drawer and the morning that I grab that one to stir my coffee I acknowledge that she is with me.

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know about losing a husband but I lost my mother a year in a half ago. I miss her so much. My father hasn't done anything with her things and he wanted me to go threw them. I do have some of her clothes but I haven't parted with them yet. It's so hard. I don't know really what to do with them. I say I'll donate them but I haven't done it yet.

Hello Katz and I am very sorry Your dear Husband passed away Rest in peace.
My Sister in Law died suddenly in 2009 from a massive Heart attack. She was so petite and slim I could not believe She was gone. Eight years later Philomena's bedroom was exactly how it was when She died. Her seven Children could not bear to touch a thing and I have never known Kids Who adored their Mother as much as they loved their Mum Rip. Fast forward seven years and my own Mother passed away after a brave battle with alzheimer's and I was determined not to turn Moms bedroom into a Shrine so I brought a load of cardboard boxes from our local Super Market and I boxed all of Mothers clothes, every thing went to Our local charity shop to be reused by People Who needed them. I did keep Moms jewellery for Deborah Who was Moms favourite Grand Daughter and God Daughter. They were best Buddies. I will never forget sinking my face into Moms cardigans geanzies and scarfs and reliving the beautiful scent of Mothers aroma from Her favourite perfume Loriel and more, but I knew in my heart that Mom would have wanted rid of every thing and that is what I felt I had to do. I still have all of the Family photos which I will distribute among all of Our Family but the best memories I feel will never fade because I have those stored in my Heart.

My husband passed 8 years ago and I have not parted with a thing. Our children can of course have whatever they wish as long as they do not part with anything and I know they would not. Just the way I am, still have sweaters when he was 21 that my daughter wears and gets many compliments as of course vintage, she also wears my maternity tops when I was pregnant with her, so as you see I keep everything. Funny either those tops have shrunk up or I was really small when pregnant:)
But we all are different, this is just me and everyone does what they wish and best for them.
Best wishes to all

My husband died a month ago - not unexpectedly. I made a scroll out of canvas and wood dowels and pinned, sewed, glued items that were meaningful to it. His Boy Scout awards, Toastmasters pins, award pins from where he taught, key chains from exchange teaching periods etc. It is about 7 inches across and 12-15 inches long. After hanging it at the memorial service I will hang it in my bedroom. I plan to make a quilt using the Scout patches from his old uniforms The uniforms and Boy Scout handbooks etc. went to the local Boy Scout Council. Much of his usable clothing and winter items etc. went to a facility that gives clothing to people who could not afford to buy from a thrift shop. He loved caps and hats and the children and grandchildren will get to choose one if they wish. I donated his body to the state University Medical School. I f even only one thing can be gained by the donation - it will be worth it.

My 89 yo mother passed away in February. We were very close. I had to stop going through her things after two weeks. It got overwhelming. I’m finding it just as difficult going through her things a second time, nine months later. That said, I discovered there are things I couldn’t part with the first time that I’m now able to let go of. I had to stop again though. Just too overwhelmed again. There will be a third time when I’m ready. Maybe a fourth. Give yourself as much time as you need. It’s a process.

Everything is exactly how my husband left it when he died on 4/26/17. His clothes are in the closet, his bathrobe and hats hang on the bedroom door, his clothes are in HIS bureau. The only thing different is a shrine I made for him on his bureau. I can't part with any of his things. Every time something needs to be done, I do it exactly the way he did it. My husband was Medically Murdered and I am having a really hard time dealing with his death. I will never be with anyone else and I will never get rid of his belongings. They make me feel closer to him. Grief is Horrible!

I see opinions on this are quite varied and that’s because we all handle loss differently. I can’t speak to losing a husband but I have had the experience of having to go through a loved ones belongings after death and make decisions. For me, not saying it’s the same for all, it helped to plow through it quickly, just a get it done mindset because it was so painful. I found keeping a lot not to be helpful at all, more things didn’t help bring my mother back, it was her I missed. The things I truly wanted I kept, some on display in my home, some tucked away, and some jewelry I wear. My best to you, it’s not easy

In the last 8 years we have cleaned out 3 relatives homes. One halfway across the country.
We boxed up what we really wanted and shipped home and gave away quite a bit to the locals in the RV park. Dumped alot in the dumpster. Gave usable items to charity and sold some items like books. Then put the RV and car on craigs list and sold them.
The second one 7 hours away we did the same. 3 full days of clean out, lots to the dump, lots to charity and filled a tailer with stuff to haul home.
Once home allowed the grand kids to take what they wanted. Gave ourselves some time to go over what we really wanted to keep then donated the rest. It takes some time to do it and if you can store it for a little while that helps to get over just throwing it all away.
The last was my parents home and dads business. 2 tons of stuff to the dump and multiple trips with trailers. After bringing lots of tools back I donated a lot, sold a bit and still have crap to deal with. Before we started the kids came through and tagged what we wanted. No fights that way. Nieces and nephews and grand kids came through and tagged stuff and took it away. Took alot to charity, clothes and household items.
So 5 years later I am slowly getting rid of stuff.

This is my third try at this post. I found myself writing a book on my experiences and just deleted all of it for the second time.

Don't make any rash decisions. I love all the hints here. Especially the Tupperware type tubs. My husband knows he has Alzheimer's. He is getting rid of stuff on his own, which is a blessing for me. I have very little I want to keep from my family. My mother on her deathbed asked me to promise to keep a little statuette of a dog. I hate it, it is a Basset Hound crying, tears rolling down it's face. I use it as a door stop. I promised her I would "keep it in the family" and I am. I hope my kids get rid of it.

I am so sorry for your loss. Keep what you want, where you want.

I would encourage you to do what you need at the time without doing anything drastic and permanent. So if leaving things they way they are is more comforting to you, leave them and if you feel like you want everything that reminds you of him gone, then pack it up or have someone else pack it up for you and put it away for a while. If something in between works, perfect remove the things it strikes you to remove or put them in another place as the decision hit's you. Maybe visit with family members individually and ask them if there is anything special they would like, if it's something you don't want to part with make sure they know it's theirs when you go or are ready to let go of it. Let your husband be the catalyst for you having special moments with each member of your family bonding and reminiscing over your husbands "things", maybe someone had a conversation with him about that coat or fishing pole you never knew about. No need to rush what you do with his things unless you are feeling you want to rush right now in which case put it away and bond later when you are ready to pull it out.

When my GGrandmother passed her 4 kids went through the house and picked the things they wanted, I think they took turns and worked things out between them when more than one of the 4 wanted the same thing, I don't know if they each consulted with their kids first but I do know my Great Uncle made sure I got an item I had expressed was important to me through that process. Then the items that were left, there were plenty she lived in that large house for over 50 years and was in her 90's when she passed, were put out in the rooms they came from and her Grandchildren were given the opportunity to take whatever they wanted and then her Great Grandchildren. I forget how much time was given each age group but I remember going in over a weekend when my generation was welcomed in and I took home several items I hadn't necessarily seen before (treasures in the barn) and lot's of old family photographs. I think friends and family friends who knew her were then given the opportunity to take anything they wanted. The furniture even though not part of the items available was still in the house, items were set out on tables and along the sides of the room kind of like a big tag sale so the process also served as closure at least for me. The same extended family that I grew up seeing at holiday dinners in that house (Thanksgiving was a big one) and we were all kind of saying good by to the house as we knew it together if that makes any sense, it wasn't the same lived in house but it wasn't so different yet (furniture removed) that it felt wrong. I'm sure anything left was then donated or sold at an antique shop.

When my Grandmother passed they did something similar. They just didn't include the whole family that way, my mom was and is still living in the house so she and her siblings asked their kids to tag or let them know what items were important to them and then the 4 of them went through the household items for themselves and their kids & grand kids. But again because my mom was still living in the house even items her siblings claimed were basically stored in place for a long time so the house remained the same for a while and slowly changed as items were moved a few at a time which made the loss/closure easier more natural. It took my mom quite a while to actually change anything and make the house her own, a little different from a spouse who has lost a spouse I imagine because they would have set up house together over the years but similar because she had been living there for 8-10 years I think so running the household, there are still things around that remind me my Grandmother lived there, just as there are things that remind me my Grandfather did/is (his basement shop is still the same and we use it). With a spouse it's probably intensified and like everything else in the grieving process it's an individual one & rite 4 you is right.

When you are ready mentally and physically to handle the task is when you'll do it. There is no set time and speaking from experience, it is a very painful task to go thru your loved ones belongings.
Everyone has special things from a loved one that they don't want to part with. Keep for your self the things that you feel has sentimental value to you. No one says that you must give away anything or everything . It is your choice to do what you want to do.
don't let any one push you into any thing. it is all of your choice.

I looked out for my elder mom and her husband, he was in hospice at home at the time. I stayed with her for 2 months after passed. Each person is different in how they process grief. Within 2 weeks we called a local VA hospital and removed all his personal items. They sent vans and were incredibly kind. They could use all sorts of things including extra toiletries and some of the medical equipment. He/I had discussed his personal items when we did the FCA book so if he wanted a certain item to pass to someone I knew. Seeing the items daily was painful and she would avoid them or they would trigger sadness. Late at night she peeled wallpaper, removed photos from the walls. She then sorted photos, woodworking items and books to offer his children/siblings. Things like movies, cds, pans, jewelry we packed away where she could look at them if she wanted. She was very careful to allow people to say no thank you if they did not want something and people did say "please donate it". Photos were what people valued and we scanned many to share. Within months she was out there sorting and keeping what she truly valued. 6 mos on she is happy that the items are with people who wanted them and she has a box or two that she visits. She has just gotten to where she is telling stories of their life together. She is renovating her house and she references him. "he would like this, he would not like this."

I kept them.

I have been told by many people not to do anything for at least 1 year.
I did give some clothes to another member of a support group so she could use them for her husband but for the most part I did nothing with anything for quite a while. I did keep a wallet with all the things that he kept in it. All the rest I have gradually gotten rid of. I have kept his drivers license and passport and that is about it.
What I do have that I do not know what to do with is old photos he had before I met him. Ex-wife, time in the Army, photos that the kids are in I will give to them but no one else seems to want the other photos. I have no idea who is in any of them.

Things that are of sentimental value to you..keep them for as long as YOU need to. The sentimental value may change in a year or two or three. Then you can decide. If you always feel the same way about those objects then do what my SIL is doing. Place them in a box and they can be buried with you along with anything that might be of value to you.

I would see if there are special people in your lives grandson's relatives, that would cherish something he had that would bring them comfort, That's what we did when my mom and dad died. We also donated clothes to people in nursing homes with no family or coat's for vet's living on the street's or going through times. Many people are in rough spots in life and would love that, I'm so sorry for your loss .Hugs

When mom passed we kept many of her clothes and shoes that fit (she had beautiful taste), donated the rest to the church thrift store, gave ALL the furniture to the neighbors (she adored them)who found people who could use it, and packed up the plates, dishes, and statues for sorting later when the grandkids need them. We found boxes and bags of greeting cards, but it was too overwhelming to sort through, so we tossed them all. (There aren’t enough hours in a day to re-read every old card!)
The neighbors then went into the house and emptied the rest of the stuff when we weren’t there. It was easier for us to not get attached to the stuff, and great that they knew of others who could use/need the things. If you have a trusted group of friends or neighbors, ACCEPT their help.

When my father died my mother remarried. The man she married took care of her financially but was very jealous of my late father (whom he had never met). Little by little I noticed my fathers things disappearing and when I would ask about them she would say "Oh they were broken/moldy/lost etc." I honestly think her second husband sabotaged a lot of them. Well, her second husband passed years ago and she is now nearing the end. Aside from pictures there is not much that I want from her things. I am an only child, see her often to take her to the drs, set up pills etc. so I see what is in her condo. After taking pictures of my family I will ask the family of the second husband if they want anything. If they don't I will ask my children about household effects but doubt they will want anything either. The rest will go to charity as I have no use for it.

I did this with my own stuff years ago. I made 3 piles, can't live without, not sure and don't want to keep. I let the piles sit for a year. I went through the piles again and resorted. I kept the must haves. These are cherished things, they were very few. The not sure pile split to a few items that graduated to must keep and the rest went to don't keep. I took pictures of all that were going away. Then tried to find loving caretakers for the items going away. These items would continue their lives with someone who could use them or would stir memories important to them. The remaining items went to Salvation Army. If I ever have the time and want to remember the past, I can look at the pictures of the the items. Its been nice when occasionally, I would visit a friend and see them using or displaying something I gave them. Kinda like a distributed museum of my stuff.

Keep what has meaning to you, give family members anything they may want, give the rest to charity or throw away.

My mom had a collection of tea pots. I packed them with a personal note and sent to her friends. She had beautiful clothes that went to her caregivers and other friends in her senior community, cards and letters in Tupperware for when we pause. For the most part we’ve given her furniture to people that we know would enjoy and value rather than sell. I don’t like clutter but small pieces of hers are all around my place intergrated into the fabric of my life.

My Mom was very stressed and had no idea what to do with my dad’s stuff. We kept all his pictures and other sentimental stuff, put his dentures, and a favorite shirt in his casket, and donated all of his useable clothes and shoes to a charity. He previously supported it with monetary contributions, so we figured it was a way to help honor him and help an organization that was important to him at the same time. It’s kind of an odd way to have a “ part of him” live on. It made it easy to explain to my mom with Alzheimer’s that part of my dad is still around us in many ways. It seemed to help her have one less worry and allow her and us some clearer time to grieve without the constant question of,” what I’m I going to do with all his stuff” thrown in to the conversation every two minutes. Small blessings....

My brother and I inherited my parents estate. So, I went through all their pictures kept what I wanted and gave the rest to my brother. There were a lot of copies, so we both got one. I had asked him to come over and go through things but he never did. So, went I went over his home the other day I noticed he didn't have any pictures of our parents anywhere. Not one. He had given them all to his his daughter. So you never now what people are going to do. I am just happy I have my pictures and my memories.

How nice! I kept my husband's worn cowboy boots and his dress Stetson hat, among other things.

This is the number one question I get from clients. What's special to you might not be special to anyone else. I advise my clients to sent out a not to all family members asking them if they would like to have something of the deceased person. I highly encourage a time limit on it as it keeps you in limbo with what to do with the belongings. You might get a response you might not. That's okay. For young Grandchildren I make the choice and have boxes marked for them.

When the time period has passed you can have an estate sale or contact many organization that love getting items.

Remember you can't force your cherished memories on to someone else.

Mom was overwhelmed and couldn't do anything with Dad's things. We offered anything they wanted to family members first, and everyone wanted something to keep and treasure. This made Mom feel much better about giving the rest away. It was all donated to a local church and given to community members in need.

I took all of his diplomas, awards and citations. It will all be scanned and saved digitally since there is too much to keep physically. My husband and I will set up a web page with pictures for his grandchildren and great-grandchildren to get to know him better. When Mom passes, she will be added to this web site. Our beloved elders are often known to us only for the relationship and not as people. This will give future generations a sense of their family history and leave a meaningful legacy beyond those physical things we save.

My mother kept my father's toothbrush, and his grotty old comb, on the bathroom shelf for years after his death. There they stayed, part of her daily scenery, until she moved house and they, er, didn't get packed (mea culpa), and she never missed them.

If things have meaning for you and do not inconvenience you and are not preventing you from moving forward when you are ready, you go ahead and hang on tight to anything you like. What you have in your home is nobody's business but yours.

If you are ready to part with items, though, thinking of them being of use to another person can be comforting. Anything that is still in good condition will be welcomed by charities for homeless people, for example.

Keep them. Give them their own special place.

That is a good question my wife has been gone over three years, I have her clothes still hanging, underwear, perfume, hairbrush with a strand of hair, her pictures that I talk to her every morning and when I go out I have a small picture I place on the table, Yes 72 years of marriage I am waiting for the moment we all wait for but in the interim I love to feel her clothes and presence.

I agree, take your time. You can give his clothes to a shelter or NH. We have organizations that help people get back on their feet helping with jobs. These people need nice clothes for interviews.

Keep the sentimental stuff. Eventually you may want to give them to family or someone who will enjoy having them.