We aren't exactly looking into a nursing home for my grandma yet but we know that eventually the time might come. We are going to visit one near my house this afternoon and are so overwhelmed by the idea. Does anyone know what kinds of questions are important to ask just so we would feel more prepared if the situation ever arises?
Yes to that. I had 48 hours and a list of 50 facilities to consider so my mom could be discharged from the hospital.I was very fortunate to have a good friend(social worker) who went over the list with me and said yes or no to the various places. In a previous job she had been working with medicare patients and helping families with placements. She was a great source for me and has kept in close touch and given me a lot of "hints" on how to get things done.
Still I only saw 6 of them in two days. and could only give the hospital 2 names. I was working on looking at more when the place who was our number 1 called and said they would take her in sub acute. She has since transitioned to skilled/long term care and we couldn't be happier with the facility. She is adjusting slowly, has started to trust the staff and go to a few activities. I give her a lot of credit to be doing this when she is 95. I hate change myself and I am a lot younger than she is and don't know how I would cope with it.
one thing this whole experience has taught me: plan ahead. Mom is 95 and lived on her own (successfully) until October 2014. Then her health declined rapidly and was in hospital 2 times in 30 days and went to subacute rehab and now in skilled nursing. I think I was a victim of "magical thinking" that nothing like that would every happen to her. it was easier to ignore the possibility ( my fault) even though I had seen many friends go thru the same thing with their parents. The last three month have been hectic with meetings with an elder attorney, social workers, healthcare professionals, even a funeral director. It would have been so much easier to preplan for some of these issues. I am lucky to have two brothers and a sister who have been very supportive and helpful but I believe it would have been easier for all of us, esp. Mom, if we had discussed some of these issues in detail prior to this point when she was not in such a frail state and there was so much to consider.
I will say that the level of care does not seem to depend on private/Medicaid payment. Most aides and nurses and staff want to do a good job for everyone. (Or bad staff are equally bad with everyone.)
Nursing homes seem to have a wide variety of ways to prevent falls, None of them include 24-hour monitoring, as you do at home.
I'd suggest you look a little further, just to satisfy yourself about what is available. You may never need to use a NH at all, but it is wise to be informed in case the need arises.
Having a roommate has been a good thing;once, mom fell transferring from her lift chair and the room ate buzzed for help.
Mom's bed is alarmed. There is room for personal furniture. There are no triples or unusually cramped rooms that I have seen in any of these facilities. There is a large community room that they allow us to use for family celebrations several times a year. We don't take mom out, except for a rare followup doctor appointment following a hospitalization. She goes by ambulette.
The facility where my mom is does not like to use bed alarms either. They do rounds at night every 1/2 hour. However, your point is well taken; if your parent/loved one wakes up right after the "round" they could get up on their own. Or if they are like my mother, who is feisty and stubborn, she does not want to ring the call light. she will get up on her own. I spoke with the head nurse/manager for the unit and insisted on an alarm anyway. Mom got it right away and I noticed that several other people had them also ( on their wheechairs and I assume on their beds). I understand the philosophy but I don't want my mom to fall and break a hip, etc which could have severe consequences. I have been there when she did get out of bed (with me assisting her). The alarm went off and everytime someone was in her room within a minute or two. I deliberaately did not turn the alarm off, because I wanted to see how long it took them to get there. Mom told me that they do come right away when she is alone and the alarm goes off which aggravates her because she wants to do things on her own. Unfortunately, she is not steady enough on her feet to walk (with walker) unassisted. So I think they are not just responding quickly when they know I am there.
Along with questions prior to admission to a facility, a most important thing is to visit your loved one often, at different times of the day. I am fortunate to have two brothers and a sister and someone is there everyday. We go to activities with mom at times and watch how the staff treats the people who are in the activity class. So far, everyone I observed has treated the patients with respect and kindness ( and I don't think it is because I am there). I watch when call lights go on and how long the resident waits for it to be answered. Also how quickly things are taken care of--my mom needed a consult with a GI doc. I wanted her to go to a certain group;the unit secretary got her an appt. within 5 days (it was not an emergency visit, just a routine consult). The social worker calls you back within 24 hours and agreed to stay late one night to meet with my siblings since that was the only time we could all get together. It hasn't been easy for mom but she is learning to trust her caregivers and adjust as best she can. I don't know how I would react in her situation. It is hard to make changes when you are 95.
The other question I have is about bed alarms or something to prevent falls. We right now follow her around assisting her as she walks. She has fallen 4 times this past year and now we have her on around the clock care at our house even walking her to the bathroom but still she forgets sometimes and tries to get up on her own. We use a bed alarm and a tithered alarm but the nursing home said they do not use this as it's disturbing to other patients in the home. Is this normal? Right now my mom and I are taking turns on the night shift and not leaving her alone in rooms unless the baby video monitor is on her, making sure she doesn't get up by herself and fall because when she wakes up she has to go to the bathroom and is so groggy she will almost fall without us there to assist her in reaching the toilet and bed. She has diabetes so her head is always dizzy feeling. So if there are no bed alarms to alert them when people are getting up out of bed or out of their chair, how do they ensure the people don't fall? She answered saying they do hourly rounds but if grandma got up right after they left (which she probably would since she tries to avoid asking for help when she is able), she would fall and be there for an hour before found? Is this normal?
For that reason we are very nervous about ever putting her in a nursing home since we would be putting her there after an injury which required more care than we would be able to do alone.
Should we keep looking and trying nursing homes or is this how they all are? We are so new to this process I feel so overwhelmed by what we saw. I still don't even know if I asked the right questions. The nursing home was supposed to be a really good one for the area in CT where we live. The place looked clean and the walls were bright. There were Christmas decorations and the people looked clean. This is where grandma had gone to rehab and it seemed like an ok place temporarily but long term, it didn't. What are you guys' suggestions as to what is normal and what is not? Are we expecting too much from a nursing home?
My mom's name was Carol-Ann, so that makes me smile. Not many Carols around are there?
Anyway, thanks for your response. It's a good thing your elderly neighbor wasn't truly addicted to alcohol. I minored in psych, so you are smarter than I but even I know someone who is truly addicted and then cut off could die.
When I spoke of smell it = the smell of urine for the most part - not just "old people" smell. And, yes, I agree....the "smell" should be taken into context. Things do happen, often right before a visitor arrives. Murphy's Law?
This was a number of years back - I think they know more now. But smoking would be much the same. People need to be treated and weaned when possible.
Good point about the tightly wrapped sandwiches - Duh! Someone should figure that out.
About the smell - I know that people talk about nursing home smells and I'm sure it happens, but the only time there was a smell issue at the home where my parents were at the end of their lives (or any of our community NHs that I've visited) was/is if there had been an "accident" just prior to my arrival. They kept that place clean and under nearly all circumstances it smelled just fine. My point being that people should judge immediately until they know if the smell is constant or circumstantial.
Great observations, everyone!
Carol
My mom was briefly in a rehab place/nursing home. It smelled okay, but they ignored two very important things (you can always nitpick about minor things):
1. She had severe arthritis and they would provide sandwiches so tightly wrapped in Saran wrap that even I had trouble unwrapping it for her. What would've happened if I didn't visit? Stay hungry and just stare at the sandwich she couldn't eat?
2. My mom was also a smoker. Non-smokers won't understand this but the lack of nicotine causes a huge amount of anxiety. I made sure her file said to give her a nicotine patch daily. They would use a magic marker/sharpie to note the date/time applied directly on the patch. I noticed she was missing a patch. Again, no big whoop to a non-smoker but a HUGE big whoop to someone who is. I spoke to the nurse in charge and she didn't think it was "necessary." WHAT???? If Coumadin (blood thinner) was also listed in her file would it be okay if she thought that wasn't necessary? Insane. We got her out of there quick smart.
I did all of the things mentioned above. I just "dropped" in on the facilities and noticed how I was treated and who took the time to give me a tour. I used my nose to detect odors. I looked staff in the eye in the halls, etc and noticed who said hello or smiled. I watched the staff interact with the patients. I looked in patient's rooms. I noticed who was in the hall by the nurses desk in wheelchairs
( a horrible thing)
I did go on line and look at ratings. I contacted a social worker friend and read her the list of the 50 facilities I was given and asked her opinion. i talked to everyone I knew who had placed a relative in a facility.
I finally chose 3 ( I had to give the hospital social worker three names). The one at the top of my list had a bed for sub acute and worked with me to keep my mom in the same room, with the same caregivers if she needed long term care, which she did. She has been there for 7 weeks now. In the meantime everyone I have spoken with (nurses, lawyer who deals with elder care issues, social workers, hospice nurses, therapists) have said that they view this facility as one of
the best in our area
Mom's care has been phenomenol and they are on top of everything. The nurses give us updates whenever we go in. They even call me at home in the evening after the doctor has visited to tell me about changes in her meds, etc. The staffing ratio on days is 6 care givers for 14 patients, on evenings there are 5 staffers. We lucked out. It was a lot of time and energy spent in a short time. By the way, the facility is beautifully furnished, which I know can just be "window dressing". Many of the staff, (activities people, secretaries, hair dresser, house keeping) know my mom's name and address her personally when we pass them in the hall.
My advice is look as hard as you can, talk to others who have loved ones in facilities and ask their opinion, talk to the social worker at the hospital if your loved one is being transferred from a hospital. Do look at ratings, altho they can be misleading.
The best time to do this, of course, isn't when you are under the gun and have to make a quick decision. This whole experience has taught me that, altho we don't
want to admit it, you need to be prepared. WE knew mom was failing but didn't think things would happen so quickly.
It is a situation that needs monitoring consistently and frequently because of new residents.
I guess if I have to ask a question it's: "How do I keep my phone number out of your system?"
....new Dr. doesn't even bother to come and meet and examine your loved one for 48hrs or so. They simply "rubber stamp" the incoming notes and meds. at admission....
if the clients are drugged if everyone is in wheelchair and falling asleep walk away. ask how many clients an aide has.........
Nursing homes order their own supply for economic reasons and there is almost always delays and substitutions. Be aware of those and what she is being given
....... Get a list of the activities provided, talk with the social worker, find out who the docs are and how often they come in
....ask the nurse question if he/she is to busy and rude most likely they will be to busy later when your loved one is there
.......... Some places don't seem to know how to handle dementia very well and it shows. ....my test question is to ask them how they handle confabulation.........
Some places don't seem to know how to handle dementia very well and it shows.
...Words that should be banned
All you need to do is ask;
Just ask ….
We have that up stairs ...
I'm not your ...
I'll get your ,,,, she's busy ..
Look for simple patient friendly actions
Does staff Introduce themselves every time
On serving food
just putting food in front of person is not a friendly practice
Do they Ask if they need anything else
Do they ask if meal is OK while they are eating
Do the staff say hello to visitors and patients
Is there a photo gallery along the entry way walls with every day carer's- Staff, all department heads and the administrators
Do managers have business cards and email addresses?
read the previous post they are very helpful
Many nursing homes have problems and the average person does not have the funds to pay their way in a nursing home for more than a year of so. At that point they will be placed in a Medicaid nursing home placement. Medicaid is not Medicare, but it is the health plan for the elderly who have no money left. Many nursing homes limit the beds for this funding.
In short, I found it best to keep my elderly father at home. Having a home health aide who we paid and who only cared for my father--worked. He got to stay in his home where he was very comfortable. He was happy with the arrangement. Having purchased him a long term care policy made it possible.
Good luck.
And remember, a nursing home is a business, so you can ask all the questions you wish, you'll get canned answers because they are selling a product.
The rehab where my mother is also serves as a 'nursing home' (I say this because very few nursing homes have nurses anymore). This particular one got a three star rating by Medicare but I think it's great, the CNA's are wonderful, helpful, and my mother loves the place. Lots of activities, clean, etc.
Quite frankly, I think it's a crap shoot, no pun intended.