It is (was) 4:45 pm here in Texas and I am counting the minutes until bedtime. Today has been extremely busy. I have been on the move since I got up at 9:00 am this morning. The entire first part of the morning was devoted to Mama, her needs, her wants, her everything. It was possible because my almost 5 year old grandson was not here. He was at school.
I left at 1:00 pm to pick up my grandson from school and returned home about 3 pm. The cycle started all over again, bringing, fetching, carrying, feeding, medicating, and on and on. This time there are two of them. My grandson was born a preemie with several medical issues himself. Topping his list of issues is his 13+ allergies. If that is not enough, he has the serious and DEADLY PEANUT allergy.
I could go on, but I will stop here, for now. I just wish bedtime would hurry up and come. I am so tired I could sleep for three days straight. Is it bedtime yet?
What should I do first? Should I eat? Would a good hot shower first be better? What would YOU do as soon as the two of them go to bed? What sends you over the edge by the end of the day?
I step into my bedroom exhausted, but lo and behold, as I am decompressing, brushing my teeth, she's talking to me at the hallway, asking what day is it?.......did you give me my pills? My husband is already in the bedroom and we're looking forward to talking alone, and uninterrupted for a few minutes, well.........that throws me over the edge big time. I try not to show anger, but at the end of a long day, it's so hard! I have an erase board in which I write what day it is every day. One in the kitchen, one in the hallway. Sometimes it helps, but mom forgets we have them, and forgets to look at them.
Many nights I crawl into bed in tears. Frustration, exhaustion, day to day boredom, and knowing that the future is not brilliant but that every effort will culminating in her passing away scares me to no end. I am doing what I can, and I don't want to have any regrets or what ifs. Mom is almost 91, so the road ahead isn't very long. M88