It is (was) 4:45 pm here in Texas and I am counting the minutes until bedtime. Today has been extremely busy. I have been on the move since I got up at 9:00 am this morning. The entire first part of the morning was devoted to Mama, her needs, her wants, her everything. It was possible because my almost 5 year old grandson was not here. He was at school.
I left at 1:00 pm to pick up my grandson from school and returned home about 3 pm. The cycle started all over again, bringing, fetching, carrying, feeding, medicating, and on and on. This time there are two of them. My grandson was born a preemie with several medical issues himself. Topping his list of issues is his 13+ allergies. If that is not enough, he has the serious and DEADLY PEANUT allergy.
I could go on, but I will stop here, for now. I just wish bedtime would hurry up and come. I am so tired I could sleep for three days straight. Is it bedtime yet?
What should I do first? Should I eat? Would a good hot shower first be better? What would YOU do as soon as the two of them go to bed? What sends you over the edge by the end of the day?
I step into my bedroom exhausted, but lo and behold, as I am decompressing, brushing my teeth, she's talking to me at the hallway, asking what day is it?.......did you give me my pills? My husband is already in the bedroom and we're looking forward to talking alone, and uninterrupted for a few minutes, well.........that throws me over the edge big time. I try not to show anger, but at the end of a long day, it's so hard! I have an erase board in which I write what day it is every day. One in the kitchen, one in the hallway. Sometimes it helps, but mom forgets we have them, and forgets to look at them.
Many nights I crawl into bed in tears. Frustration, exhaustion, day to day boredom, and knowing that the future is not brilliant but that every effort will culminating in her passing away scares me to no end. I am doing what I can, and I don't want to have any regrets or what ifs. Mom is almost 91, so the road ahead isn't very long. M88
I had to get "mean" with Mama about sending money to all these people requesting donations. That is a whole story that is too long to go into here. But, getting "mean" was the only thing that stopped her.
I think staying away from FaceBook is a good idea. That will be one less frustration that you have to deal with since you already have enough on your caregiving plate.
I have had to resort to making a bite to eat for myself and eating it standing in the kitchen, a bite or two at a time while going back and forth into the room where she's sitting.
I have taken my plate of food into the room where she is a couple of times and tried eating there, but that is a whole 'nother story.
True to her normal pattern, when I got firm with her about the shower and put my foot down about it, Mom decided she wasn't going to the party - too tired, just don't feel like it. I knew it. But now she's been sitting up for over an hour watching tv - too tired to shower or do anything else, but not sleeping, either.
Mom's ping-pong ball game.
Lay down. Pop back up 10 minutes later. Sit there and stare out the window for 10 minutes. I suggest a shower - she says "in a minute". Sits for 10 more minutes. I suggest the shower again - she says "give me a minute". Sits for 5 more minutes. Then says, "I know I shouldn't, but I'm going to lay back down." Lays back down. Pops back up 10 minutes later and the whole thing starts all over again.
I work from home, and my desk is in the living room. NOT by my choice - I caved to her request to have it there so she'd have company all day long. I much prefer to be by myself when I'm working, so I can focus and not have the tv noise, her bodily noises and all other distractions in the background driving me nuts. Add in her little ping-pong ball game of popping out of bed every 5-10 minutes and I'm fit to be tied by the end of the day.
This is not an every-day thing, but about once a week, she has a day like this. Unfortunately, today is that day. It is also a shower day and we have a birthday party to attend this afternoon. I will be very shocked if she decides to go to the party - her normal pattern is to resist the shower until I get absolutely pissy with her about it, then she decides she doesn't feel like going to whatever we had going on that day.
It's a wonder I ever get any work done at all.