I'm 70-Mom 93, recently she was put into a NH. She has dementia and prior to the NH, I took care of her, it did in fact ware me down. I sleep better but have this guilt feeling that won't ease up. She has almost "normal" days and unless I do not go see her every day, she seems content. I do go see her at least every other day, at one time because of health reasons, I didn't go see her for 2 weeks. Much to my surprise, when I did go, she was content and happy. Now that I go more, she complains and wants to go home with me. Guess I just wanted to vent !!
We both lived in the same apartment building, seperate apartments, she would call in the middle of the night and tell me we had to get out, had panic attacks, wouldn't bathe, I tried to care for her but at my age, it just got to be too much.
She never got dressed, I couldn't get her to go any where. Now she gets dressed and plays bingo,she seems content enough but still ask when she's gonna get another apartment.
She keeps busy, eats well, the caregivers are nice, she just is not happy and I feel so bad about that.
The more I visit, the worse it gets, maybe I go too often, I feel I'm neglecting her if I don't go often,I go at least every other day.
It also can be a sign of anxiety, insecurity, fear or depression. Maybe also talk to her doctor.
Try to understand and acknowledge her feelings and reassure her that she is safe and loved. She can no longer live in your reality, you have to enter hers from time to time.