I just got home from a 5 day vacation that I did not bring my mother on. She was fine when I got home and then I took a nap. After waking I started looking at facebook on my phone and she immediately asked if I was looking at social media, that I needed to stop, that its harmful, etc. I just continued looking at it and she went to the bathroom then came back and literally started sobbing about some stuff to do with my brother, none of which are new and she has already cried about multiple times before. Again, I dont really say anything because there's not really anything left to say about it and she makes a couple of smart remarks about me being quiet.
A bit later we are in the car and she starts talking about some of the grandkids saying that my sister alienated them from my mom a long time ago. All things she has discussed before. I don't say anything and pull up to the grocery store, as I'm getting out of the car she makes some sort of comment about me 'counseling' her and I ask what she's talking about and she says I wasn't saying anything again. So I say I just got back from vacation, I'm tired and I dont want to jump back into talking about all the same crap again. And there's nothing new to say about any of it, all history.
So she's been pissy for the rest of the evening. Any advice on how to avoid this in the future or what to say to her?
What psych meds (specifically, antidepressants and antianxiety agents) did for my mom was to keep her calm and happy, not "drugged" or quiet.
Before she was on meds (if I recalle correctly, it was Lexapro, Remeron and a tiny dose of Klonopin) my mother fretted and worried excessively about the taxes she thought she hadn't paid in 1937, her gay great nephew and and how she was getting to her next cardiology appointment. I thought of her incessant worries about these things as "wearing a groove in her brain" that simply begat more rumination. She was in a nursing home I didn't have to listen to her rumination, so it didn't bother ME but I didn't think it was good for HER to be engaged with things that were of no consequence to her life.
On meds, she was more engaged with staff, family and other residents--she was simply more HER.
I think it behooves you to discuss her rumination with her doc. There are meds that target that specifically.
Imo , it would be best if your mother was in AL or MC.
What saved my sanity was finally having caregivers take her out to the stores walking a few hours day. I could only afford to pay someone 3-4 days a week, the other days I or my brother took her out. If I could afford to pay for everyday I would have. Being out walking entertained her, and tired her out, so she came home ready for a nap. That helped A LOT.
At first, my mom didn't want to go with the caregivers, so I had to come along the first several times, then eventually, she got used to them.
I am wondering if you could find someone to entertain your mom so you could take a break from her. Do you think your younger aunt or uncle would be interested if you/your mom paid them? (For some reason, I vaguely remember suggesting this to you before. If so, I apologize for repeating.)