What steps must I take immediately after my mother passes?

do a whole body donation. everything is free and you've done some good.

Imho, please see what means that your mother has, e.g. life insurance policies and other things. Possibly cremation may be your cheapest option. Prayers sent.

Friends of mine had turned over their mother's body for science. When they were finished with their learning, which was not long, the facility creamated their loved ones body, without requesting payment from the family left behind. I don't know if the family had to buy the the urn or not, but that eliminated considerable costs.
You don't mention how old you are, but Medicaid could be a viable answer to your predicament.
Good luck and be safe.

I am so sorry you are dealing with these issues. If possible I would try to sell some of the "5 rooms of furniture" or other salable items on sites like craigslist to try and make some $$. I know you may be preoccupied with your mom's situation, but maybe in the back of your mind you could at least be thinking of what you could sell. You certainly don't want to deal with having to pay for a storage unit if you move to your son's or other relative. Assuming that your mom will not be leaving you any hard assets.

Otherwise, for now I would just focus on your mom. You know you can stay at your son's, at least temporarily while you work to get back on your feet and figure things out. Selling what you can now or later will give you some cash and eliminate the hassle of moving/storing furniture.

Best wishes to you.

Contact the funeral home ahead of time and work out a payment plan unless you choose one of the less expensive options given above. They all seem reasonable to me.

Even though my husband and I have money for funerals/cremation, he plans to donate his body to the medical school where he has taught for 40 years. Our son will be responsible for burying ashes in a family plot.

Sell a lot of the furniture you have--most single individuals don't need 5 rooms of furniture. My 90-year-old uncle sold his 4 BR home and moved into a 1 BR apt. Hardly took anything with him except a bed, chair, tv, lamps. Purchased a bar stool to sit at the kitchen bar to eat.

Request a Social Worker either through Hospice or your local hospital and let them tell you all information they have about resources in your area. Also look and see if you have an area agency on aging..they often have many resources. Sign your name to the list for senior housing asap, when the situation is one like yours where you may have nowhere to live they sometimes push your name up on the list to top priority. Even if you don't have a church, did your mother attend one when she was healthy? Contact them and ask to meet with the Pastor and talk about your situation. Check with local Senior Citizen groups and see if someone would like to rent a room from you. You could also rent out a basement if you have 1 for a small office. Try to brainstorm possibilities. Do you have a talent you could start a class teaching lessons? Maybe an art class, a writing class, a caregivers class? Something you have exp. in. Don't lose faith! Praying something good opens up for you.

Hi Artist9

Rather than paying to bury her, you can opt for direct cremation.

The minimum cost is $550. Make sure you verify the price in writing as different facilities in various states charge different prices.

This EXCLUDES embalming, a viewing, a ceremony and a coffin. If you include those things the cost of cremation can be much higher.

The facility will take care of all the essential paperwork such as permits and death certificates.

Sounds like she may have been elgible for medicade...you can apply.
The facility will call the coroner to verify death. The facility or the coroner will respond to instructions when she is diseased.
If she was on hospice the psychologist can help you with your concerns.
You need "decisions help".

I don't know where you live, but please check to see if there are any facilities for older people on fixed incomes that are run by various religious groups. I know that there facilities such as Episcopal Place in Alabama, and there's another one there that is run by the Presbyterian Church. The Catholic Church also has facilities for people on reduced incomes. There is usually a waiting list but most don't require that you go to that church.
Episcopal Place, for instance, charges a flat rate of 1/3 of your income, no matter what it is. These are small, one BR apartments with a living room, kitchen, and bath but no nursing facilities.
Definitely look into cremation because it is much, much less expensive than burial. Does your mother have any life insurance that could pay some of the expenses? Your mother's Social Security benefits will pay a couple of hundred dollars, which is not enough but it helps.
Those five rooms of furniture are actually an asset. Start going through things to see what you can sell fast to get funds. Try sites such as Facebook Marketplace for a quick sale. Put whatever is left into a storage room and stay with a friend or relative until you figure out the best course of action.
Good luck to you. I know it seems overwhelming right now, but it won't last forever. You can do this. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Donating her body to the local medical school would probably be the least expensive free option. They will give you the ashes in about a year and you can scatter them or do whatever you wish with them.

I’m sorry you are going through such difficult times. As many have said contact the local senior community center and see if they can help you. Or call 211 if you are in the US. Since you may have a little bit of time maybe you can get some things arranged.

If you are able to dispose of some of the furniture you have now that would probably be a good thing. Storage is expensive and usually not worth it. Keep a few items that you know you will need or put them in temporary storage and donate or sell the rest. Things weigh you down and ultimately we just get rid of them anyway.

If worst comes to worst you can go to a women’s shelter, and then you will be in the social services network and they will help you find housing, food etc. It is a difficult time but it won’t last forever.

Godspeed, my friend.

Do you have Hospice with you? They will help cover some of the cost related to mom. Also, call the companies ie., electric, phone, etc... and explain the circumstances and/or ask how you can lower the payments STAT (or get assistance from them) ALL Utility companies, etc... have an Assistance program in place.

THEN....don't worry about any of the rest. Deal with only what you can at the time & focus on your mom. Count out you & your mommas money. How much for funeral? How much for groceries for the week? How much for bills? How much for rent? Then, start putting them in order: 1st - moms funeral, 2nd - shelter 3rd - bills (and in what order you feel necessary to pay back in order).....

OR....maybe your son could set up a GOFUNDME page for you? What about a personal loan (not a super huge one - but one to help you through these tough times with your mom & grieving)

Its more difficult to become organized when stressed. Wish I could offer you a huge hug and assistance right now.

Sending prayers your way.

Dear Artist69, I feel for you, as I had to do this on my own for my Mother. It was the most painful time. Do not listen to any negative people, you are in a state of mind that is vulnerable and I am so proud of you for reaching out to this group. I can give some advice from experience. Pre planning a funeral is great; however, make sure you are not alone. The funeral home made me sit through another 3 hours because the pre-planner had done things wrong and resigned. They did discount for my inconvenience. Cremation is ideal, my Mom would not allow it, so it was not my choice. I had an estate sale, interview 3 companies. Choose one that cares about you and is not just out to make money. They charge a big fee so make certain you have enough to sell to cover their commission. It will be difficult for you emotionally, I am so very sorry! Put any antiques on reserve, do not undersell and look up prices on eBay yourself. I had very good luck selling what was left on Facebook Marketplace and some on Craigslist. But don’t be alone, don’t give out personal information at all. Don’t post your phone or address. Get a Google Voice number, it is free. Also, explain to your landlord that you need to stay while on the waitlist. My state has help for people because of Covid, they cannot be evicted. But you can hopefully work something out. Another option is a go fund me, Facebook also has a go fund me to help with funerals. I completely understand if you lost friends while caring for your Mother. I made calls to old friends and they all came through for me, it was hard to ask. My church was wonderful too and Hospice was also a huge help. I am still talking to my grief counselor about everything, she has great advice. This will be difficult for you. I pray for you and hope one little bit of information helps. I found prayer to be very powerful, perhaps you will meet just the right person to help you. God bless.

Ask family members to pool money to cover cost of cremation or a very simple funeral - they make some very cheap caskets for this very reason, no facility rental, or limos - just small graveside if family wants some sort of service. Call around now to funeral homes to see what they can do on a budget.

As for your own situation, if you have ANY one in the family offering you a place to hang your hat for now, take it. Sleep on someone's couch for a month or two to save your money and get your name on govt housing/apt list. You might also check with your county (elder care or county judges office) to see if they can help push your name up the list because of your situation. Even if you have to get on a waiting list, perhaps you can contribute to your son's situation - if he rents apt, pay the difference to get into one with an additional bedroom.

Scale down on your 5 rooms of furniture to get the smallest storage rental as possible to keep your costs down. You can replace most things later on by way of Offerup, craigslist, FB market place and used furniture items. Scale down on other things you can do without, by priority, to save money. Cell phones are nice, but all the extras are not necessary. Basic cable tv instead of all the extra channels. Make a list of all your bills and see what could be cut. You might also check room rentals in your area. This would put you in the company of other folks and a single room is not as expensive as an apt or house rental

I am so very sorry. I know the feeling of being over whelmed. What state do you live in ? Do you have any assets that someone else could help you sell ? Does your mother own her home? Will keep you and your mother in my prayers .

God bless you as well, dear. Its a hard but blessed road caring for our elders. But soon your time will be yours again and things will be ok once you work out the logistics. There's lots of options for you.


Other creative options that I didn't see posted yet: If you're able-bodied, move in as a live in caregiver for a senior or as a cleaning lady so you pay no rent and make wages. Same if you live at a children's group home as a care giver. There are tons of work from home jobs now, given the pandemic, and will likely stay that way especially for call center agents who just answer the phones as customer service workers. If you have a computer or can afford one before she passes, you can get one of those jobs and just sit at a desk all day helping people. You van find used ones on Craigslist or Amazon refurbished ones for cheap ($200-$300). The company trains you and has a database of answers for you to use.

Be careful about becoming an Uber or Lyft driver if you live in a busy town because a lot of people and lose more money in gas and mileage instead of actually make a profit.

Sell everything and use the money to buy a sleeper van. Travel the country and live in your sleeper. Ask your son to let your mail come to him and tell u if anything important comes in And send pics of it to you. Get a nationwide gym membership and look for the gyms that are popular in every state like LA Fitness so you can shower and exercise there in every state. Get a dog for protection and to keep you company. Look up great places to visit online. You may find a better town to live in than the one you live in now once ready to settle again.

Move out of the country. There are colonies of Americans in Bali (Indonesia) that live like kings (it looks like paradise there and the weather is perfect year round) for little to no money. They also respect elders much better than Americans do. Idk if you can still get SSI if u move out of the country but maybe worth a look. I have a friend who lives in Bali now and she never wants to come back to the US. Super cheap and she's treated like royalty for being American.

Talk with a Senior Citizens Law Project near you. Area Agency on Aging can help you find free legal services that can help u set up for the future.

Hope you don't let negative thoughts or depression or anything stop u from seeing all that's possible. You have a lot of options if you allow your perspective to be wide enough to see them all. Good luck to you, dear.

First thing, go ahead and fill out the forms for help with all the Housing and home Rent Help agencies even tho there may be well over a year waiting list. Being a single person, you will only get a 1 Bedroom Voucher which will get you an apartment that Housing will pay a Portion and you will pay a portion considering the income you have coming in..

But fir now you need to check to see if you can get help because if you have $2,000 a month coming in you might be making too much money to Qualify.

I don't know where you live but a lot of people I've on less.

You might start checking out prices of Senior Apartments.

Here in the Houston area, you can get a 1 Bedroom in a Senior Apartment for under $1,000.

You should think about having your mom cremated, which is very inexpensive not spend thousands on a funeral, which she does not need to show your love for her. as the time for showing love is now.

People should give flowers to people when they are alive.

I know you are thankful that you have two options and will not be on the streets.

I would choose one of the two options, knowing that it isn't permanent.

If the house where you are living in now, you can't afford, try seeing if you could get a Roommate to help split the rent.

Prayers

You can donate her body to a medical school at no cost to you. Just type in "donating a body to medical school" to find one near you.

I didn’t even know people did this. Mom was supporting you, not the other way around. If your a dependent, I’m pretty sure Hospice isn’t providing much direction, because they’re there for mom.
Area for aging can help bc your SS is under 2000. Those things take time start process now. If indeed you are an artist maybe that will help, if your a hobby artist try to find part time employment.

First thing first. You must contact ss immediately after the passing of your loved. Also it would be good to ask for city/county/state assistants with bills/rent as soon as today. Do an estate sale on items you can part with. This may be difficult, but it might be inevitable. Also is your son or someone you trust able to set up a (go fund me)page to help with final expenses/bills/rent? Have you spoken to non-profits that may give immediate assistance? Lastly funerals are never easy, and there are ways to cut costs while still honoring your loved one. 1. Cremation is a wonderful option. 2. You can purchase beautiful Urns on Amazon for a fraction of the cost. 3. No formal services, instead have
people gather outdoors weather/situation pending. Lastly, funeral homes do take payments so you won’t be overly burdened.

I'm sorry that your situation is so difficult! All the best to you. You have to be very strong to get through this and the pandemic too! I'm assuming that you are living with your mother. Get all the help you can from your local social services. Contact a social worker, who may be able to help you navigate what is available in your location. Think about downsizing. Do you need 5 rooms? Could you afford a smaller apartment? Can you sell or donate any of the things you don't need? Get on waiting lists for affordable housing. If you will have to make a quick move, the downsizing can begin now.

I am sorry your mom passed, but death is also a business. It costs a lot even to die. Cremation is only a fraction of the cost -- without services. I put both of my parents in wooden cigar boxes and in a cabinet at home. Those cigar boxes look better than the funeral home ones. You can get those under $50. Look on Amazon for cigar boxes.
You can get a basic cremation definitely costs about $1,000, sometimes even half that. Call and shop around.

Of course that is up to you what you want to do with the remains, but you will be flipping the bill. A basic burial will cost in the neighborhood of $10,000.

Social Security will *NOT* pay a dime because it has to be your spouse or disabled child they will pay $200 toward funeral costs.

IF your mom had any kind of Tri-Care insurance or military stipend, you ***MUST*** call them immediately and notify them of your mom's death. Social Security will NOT notify them. The funeral home will notify social security, but when mom died I called them anyway to make certain they get the message. Point is, if you get any kind of payments after her death, let me assure you they will make you pay it back.

You MUST notify the bank, and give them a copy of the death certificate.

When mom died it was awful. I also had to notify the electric and utilities department. It was terrible paperwork on top of dealing with mom's death. You have the added stress of dealing with her remains.

BE MINDFUL funeral homes **WILL** take advantage of your grief; it is imperative you "shop around" for the best prices. Since your mom's death happened it leaves you no choice but to choose something quickly. Death is a terrible business and everybody has their greedy hands out and be mindful how funeral homes will take advantage of you when you are most vulnerable.

That is why a basic cremation with no services is best and most affordable. IF you choose to have services, they will embalm your mom's remains because it is state law due to public viewing. Embalming is very expensive. That is why I did not have services. Embalming is also gross--they have to drain the body of its blood and pump embalming (formaldehyde) into the system. It kills all the germs, which is why at least in Florida it is mandatory if you have a public viewing. Then the funeral home charges extra for a makeup artist to give the body that "sleeping and peaceful" look. Alternatively you can have a memorial service without a body viewing, but that costs extra too.

It is how you treated your mom when she was alive that counts. When a person dies, they are gone. I mean dead is dead. But you may have religious laws that prohibit cremation I do not know. If that is the case ask your church to help flip the bill for burial. If they expect you to bury your mom--let them pay for it.

Your mom is in a much better place. Her ordeal of life is over and done with. She is free from pain and suffering. Nothing can ever hurt or harm her. We are among the living therefore losing a loved one brings more suffering--the price of love is grief. Remember you are the only one that suffers; your mom is at forever peace.

If cremation still bothers you - the way things are going WW3 is probably going to happen, and we all will get cremated anyway. For some odd reason this thought comforts me-I did not like the thought of cremation, but burial is really gross too. Still grieving over my mom and I lost her over a year ago, but I accept it as a part of life.

Do you qualify for HUD housing through the government? Then eventually you could find a senior apartment. The rent is based on income.

Find the food banks in your area. Can you get food assistance? Along with Catholic Charities call Lutheran Social Services.

Temporarily you may have to live with family until an apartment can be found. Usually the waiting lists are long. How about a room mate to share expenses?

Are you able to work a few hours a week to supplement your SS income? Maybe caregiving for another senior?

Google has a great article about the steps needed after a loved one passes. I used it when my father passed.

How old are you? you may qualify for lost - to- no-cost senior housing.

Following up on PAH's answer - if you do have Mom cremated, try to find a crematorium and not a full service funeral home. You will pay overhead for the full service funeral home.

Also, in Maryland we have a organization called Catholic Charities (you don't have to be catholic) who provide independent living facilities for low income folks - the rent is based on your income. I would try reaching out to a faithbased organization versus a government based. I had so much more success when I went through this with my mom. So sorry you're having to deal with losing your mom and your housing at the same time. God Bless you.

So sorry you are in this predicament.

The easiest short term solution is to move in with another family member or rent a room that you can afford. If you want to go this route, start selling furniture and items in the rooms you are not using through Craigslist since the buyers will be local. When you have gotten rid of everything, make arrangements with a realtor that will buy the home on the spot. You will need to be the owner of the house in order to sell it. Make sure you have a copy of your mother's death certificate and the will to ease this sale. Make sure to talk to other family members about this decision, especially if they will be part owners of the home or will inherit some of the your mother's belongings. Once the house is sold, you can arrange for utilities to be turned off.

Another option is to rent out your home to others (Air BNB) while living with other family members until you can decide if you want to continue being a vacation landlord. This could work if you live someplace that has tourism of some sort. It would require streamlining the home and maybe updating the interior with fresh paint or rearranging furniture. If you like this idea, start looking at home magazines to get ideas about what is trending in home design. Also look into Air BNB online for their requirements and how you can advertise.

Another route is to look into getting a roommate or 2. Rent out every bedroom except your own. Advertise that the rooms come furnished. Make sure to take out anything of high value or sentimental value from the common rooms and other bedrooms. You can probably find online forms for rental agreements. Otherwise, you might consider asking a lawyer to write up a form that you can.

Check into what your home insurance needs will be if you decide to keep your home and allow others to live as tenants.

Lastly, check into resources for seniors and those on SS in your area or near your child, You may be pleasantly surprised to discover how many resources are available.

I am guessing that you relied partially on your mothers SS income to help you with the rent, is there anyway you would qualify for assistance in your area for living expenses?  is there any place (like a motel) that you can rent a room?  I know some places, like where I live, there are smaller motels that rent out rooms to people on a daily/weekly basis.  Get rid of the furniture that you do not need, sometimes places will take for people that lost a house in a fire. contact your local rescue place or fire house, they might know of someone that could use stuff.  Now depending on what shape the furniture is in, it would need to be cleaned but if you don't have the funds, you would have to let whomever got it know that it was not cleaned.  Did your mother have any plans for her burial, talk with the funeral person, explain your situation.  sometimes people will ask for donations to help with burial costs in lieu of flowers, etc.  I am not sure IF you are responsible for her burial costs. (don't feel embarrassed by that, many people don't have the money to be buried). Did she state that she didn't care if she was cremated, that might be a lesser money value option and you can always keep her with you that way or spread her ashes over some place she really liked.  Get your name on a list and hopefully you can find someplace cheap until you wait.  I hope someone else can offer some better suggestions and wishing you luck. prayers for your mother.

Call your local Social Services now - I used to work at ours, and if they can't help, ask for referrals to a seniors organization such as AARP or local groups, who will do what they can for you. I'm sorry you have financial troubles as well as losing your mom any time now. Take very good care, and don't listen to those who would judge without being in your shoes. God bless and keep you.

My mother just died a few days ago. Hospice was on board about 10 days. I am unemployed and dependent on her income. I lived and took care of her. I didn't have funds either. About to be homeless. I donated her body to science. Unt north. Since you are donating her body there is no cost for cremation. You won't get remains back for 1yrs. I didn't give my mom a memorial she is 86 most friends already passed. But did put on Facebook to her graduating class.

Have you contacted Catholic Charities of Eastern Virginia? They are located in Virginia Beach and may be able to assist you.

https://www.cceva.org

Their website says: "If you are experiencing a housing crisis, please call the regional housing crisis hotline at 757-587-4202, or Toll Free at 866-750-4431. The Housing Crisis Hotline is the region’s starting point for anyone who is experiencing a housing crisis and in need of shelter, case management, and related services."

I see your mom as my fellow caregiver, not you.
Your story says that you've been financially irresponsible for most of your adult life...that's a darn shame.
The options you have are the options you've provided for yourself. You're not the victim in this story, you're the author.